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Found out friend's son abused multiple people...

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mrsmegan

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I am losing it a bit and don't know what to do.

I found out the oldest son of some friends had been abusing a boy/boys - and charges have been filed. He is 15 (I believe) and has been through so much himself (adopted at about 5 after experiencing years of abuse himself). I guess this also isn't the first time it has happened - I think the other time it was his brothers. I didn't know about that until yesterday.

I am so anxious and triggered.
 
I am so anxious and triggered.

The cycle of abuse is insidious, and hopefully all of the children involved, including your friend's son will get the help and therapy they need. I don't know if this is a good friend or not and finding yourself triggered ads another layer on top, but if possible, try to be supportive. This event will shred this family and the others to the core, and unfortunately, most of the time the "blame" justified or not, will fall on the parents. Encourage your friend to get counseling for herself, as that "shame" can consume you from the inside out.

All abuse is horrible, but sexual abuse still carries a layer of stigma. I hope that you are also able to work through the issues the events have stirred up and that is hard.
 
I'm so sorry.

Not long ago my husband's cousin's daughter was arrested for trying to burn down a house with three people in it. She's 19. My husband's cousin was a nice girl growing up, but she went way downhill after she graduated high school. This girl was her third child. She tired to abort the little girl and when her mom (my husband's favorite aunt) asked her not to, she spent the entire pregnancy drinking. Then the little girl was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. When she was two, the mom caught a boyfriend molesting her. God knows what else happened to her. The kids got taken away from the mom several times, but no one would keep the little girl because she kept acting up and had a low IQ. My husband and I were childless until recently. I wanted to take her several times, but my husband said we were not equipped to deal with her issues. In retrospect I think he was right, but it was so hard to just stand by and watch.

I've felt so bad hearing that she's been arrested. I don't think anyone takes her intellectual abilities or severe abuse history into account. She really shouldn't have been living on her own in the first place. It's so hard when something like that happens so close to you. You go back in your mind and think what could have done differently- should I have been more active as a friend or family member?
 
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