I've been reading through the forums on this site and they've been great at helping me understanding what my boyfriend is going through. I met him through an online dating site 8 months ago and for 2 months we really clicked and had a fantastic time. We were both looking forward to building a relationship together. Then at Christmas time we were attending a family wedding and his mother tragically died. It was a devastating time as his father had already passed away several years ago. I stayed with him for most of the festive period supporting him and his family, it was tough but he wanted me around and I wanted to be there for him. During this time he was still very affectionate, told me he loved me and was clear about us having a future. After 2 months this changed dramatically, all affection stopped and we saw each other less and less. I started reading about bereavement and put this down to him going through the stages of grief, so I gave home the space I thought he needed and reminded him that I was there for him if he needed me. That's basically how things have been now for the past 4 months, the relationship is on his terms. There's no contact all week and we'll usually meet up once a fortnight.
2 weeks ago we went to a friend's wedding abroad together, it was the first time we'd spent so much time together since the Christmas period. It was awful, he was in bad form the whole time, snapping at me and barely speaking to me at times. I tried to be understanding and not take it personally but I came home feeling that he didn't want to be with me at all.
Last weekend I got a phone call from my friend to tell me she saw him on the same dating website we met on. I was stunned and so shocked, he'd never given me any reason to doubt his behaviour or that he'd break my trust, but he has. I managed to meet with him a few days later and asked him about it. He said he'd been on it for 2-3 months and it was completely innocent, he only used it when he couldn't sleep, which is most nights, and he needs an escape from his thoughts. He said it could be that he's looking for attention of some sort. He understood it was hurtful to me and he apologised for my humiliation from being told by my friend. I asked him to come off it as it wasn't something I felt was appropriate or respectful in a relationship. I'm due to meet up with him this weekend but I know from my friend that he's been back on the site most nights. I don't want my continued understanding to be taken advantage of, I just don't understand how he can look for attention online and yet not contact me all week. I've gone through so much with him in the last few months and none of my needs are being met in the relationship , at times I'm so miserable but I don't want to abandon him when I still care about him. If we meet and he still hasn't removed his profile from the dating site then I know I should put myself first, keep my self respect and walk away but I know I will be devastated to do this.
Sorry for the long post but I haven't talked to anyone about this and I'm really struggling, any advice would be appreciated.
2 weeks ago we went to a friend's wedding abroad together, it was the first time we'd spent so much time together since the Christmas period. It was awful, he was in bad form the whole time, snapping at me and barely speaking to me at times. I tried to be understanding and not take it personally but I came home feeling that he didn't want to be with me at all.
Last weekend I got a phone call from my friend to tell me she saw him on the same dating website we met on. I was stunned and so shocked, he'd never given me any reason to doubt his behaviour or that he'd break my trust, but he has. I managed to meet with him a few days later and asked him about it. He said he'd been on it for 2-3 months and it was completely innocent, he only used it when he couldn't sleep, which is most nights, and he needs an escape from his thoughts. He said it could be that he's looking for attention of some sort. He understood it was hurtful to me and he apologised for my humiliation from being told by my friend. I asked him to come off it as it wasn't something I felt was appropriate or respectful in a relationship. I'm due to meet up with him this weekend but I know from my friend that he's been back on the site most nights. I don't want my continued understanding to be taken advantage of, I just don't understand how he can look for attention online and yet not contact me all week. I've gone through so much with him in the last few months and none of my needs are being met in the relationship , at times I'm so miserable but I don't want to abandon him when I still care about him. If we meet and he still hasn't removed his profile from the dating site then I know I should put myself first, keep my self respect and walk away but I know I will be devastated to do this.
Sorry for the long post but I haven't talked to anyone about this and I'm really struggling, any advice would be appreciated.
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