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Freaking Right Out! Asked Out on a Date! Spinal Blocks Tomorrow!

Discussion in 'General' started by pandora, Aug 16, 2007.

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  1. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    Ok First...I have to have two spinals tomorrow. I usually get one at a time and tomorrow he is doing both my cervical spine and lumbar spine. Anxiety is through the roof. I am in the bathroom constantly and have vomited three times.AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

    Then second I got asked out on a date. I was on facebook, well he added me. I went to highschool with him. I remember him but I didn't hang out with him and high school is pretty much a big blur. I am so scared!
    My last three relationships have been abusive, following my mother and brothers abuse. I know now that I will never, ever allow this in my life again but i don't know what to do.

    Do I go and know that I will shake regardless of the meds I take. They improve it but if the situation ( like tomorrow morning) is too stressful, nothing works and I look like I have mild parkinsons. I do know that it will subside after I start to feel comfortable but how do I explain this ridiculous shaking. Do I tell him I have PTSD. Do I tell him I am fearful of men in general. Do I ask him if he has a criminal record, ever been in jail, ever put a person into bankruptcy. ( Ok, now I am venting) Way too many skeletons in my closet. Do I wait until I feel better or maybe this is my better and it is how it will be. Do I just be honest right off the bat and if he has no compassion or empathy (not sympathy) than i will just move on.ANY red flags. I stop!!!!

    I have looked at his pictures and he is cute. He has a 6 year old son. I already told him that my son has special needs and that my back is giving me troubles and he still asked. He asked if I would like to go for coffee or go for a walk. He told me he would love to be off and have all the extra time I have right now to spend with his son. He has never been married, lived common law but is now single. There were also pictures of him in a walk......A walk in her shoes, stop domestic violence and all the men were wearing womens shoes, him included. I thought that was very nice. He seems nice with just the little I know but how much do I say or tell. I haven't dated. I married the first two and lived with the last one. I only dated one other person. I didn't have PTSD then, I had a lot of skeletons and I think my relationships failed because of how my past was affecting me and also due to violence and me not having enough self esteem to know I did not deserve this treatment from anyone, family included. I made the decision to never live with violence again.

    Please anyone. I need advice. I don't know
    what to do or how to respond back to him. I do want to go. I know I need to start trusting again. I just don't know how to explain this or approach it. My self esteem is so low, I look in the mirror and still have to push away...stupid, fat ass, look good ( with your clothes on)....I was 140lbs. That is what i am today and i feel out of shape and unattractive. Others tell me I look nice and i have lost 25lbs since christmas so I do feel better about my body but OMG. AAAAAHHHHHHH

    I am just really confused and i just need some advice. it is hard to talk to my friends that are not PTSD'ers because I realize that sometimes I don't think properly but I am changing that, slowly but surely.

    OK.......sorry this is so long. My brain is going so fast I can hardly type fast enough to get all of the words out. Thanx everyone for taking the time to read this and any advice would be truly appreciated.
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member


    I have a question?? Do you want to go out with this guy for a date???
  4. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Ok anyway...What's the problem??? Your a woman he's a man. He asked you out.....He asked you out.......It's a date. Calm down, take a deep breath. relax......this isn't like you are on a line up for inspection. Give yourself some slack here.
    Ok I am happy that you lost 25lbs. I think I gained that this week.....

    Hon, calm down.....Your body, your looks, your clothes, doesn't mean jack shit.....It's the person that others are interested in.....

    Pand, are you a kind person, a giving person, a caring person????? Do you have a sense of humor? Do you care about others???? These are the things that people look for.

    So what if you shake.....I bet he farts in his sleep too... Come on let up on yourself. Just calm down.

    If you want to go out with this guy on a date...GO!!! But stop putting yourself down and questioning every flaw that YOU think that you have......

    Remember..He asked you out........Think about it.


    Portabella likes this.
  5. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    I didn't think that I was putting myself down. When I wrote the negative comments it was actually the words that I have heard from my brother and my ex's. I don't know, maybe I am. It is hard to change all the negative comments. PTSD healing is hard work! Thank you for your honesty! I do want to go............I am just REALLY scared.
  6. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

    I don't know anything about dating pandora, but good luck with the spinal blocks. That I can relate to! I hope it goes well.
  7. EmeraldRiver

    EmeraldRiver Member

    Yuck. I hate spinal taps. Good luck, hon. As for the other - and I speak from personal experience here - just tell him the truth...or fudge a 'little' and say it's side effects from the stressful spinal. At least that way you're not lying.

    I've found most people are not educated enough on PTSD for me to tell them right away. In the USA most of the media coverage of PTSD includes people taking guns to shoot other people, so it's not the image I want people to carry with them after a meeting. (Ever hear of "going postal"? ) :) SO, first I decide if I even like them enough to bother to explain PTSD in a way that they can understand, but if you want to disclose it on a first date go ahead.

    Oh, and as for background checks, if you have a first and last name maybe you can call your county clerk of courts. (Not sure what that equates to being in Canada). Ours has a website that can run a name to at least see if any legal proceedings have been brought against them...like domestic violence or even bankruptcy. But, not all USA counties are set up for that. Try calling the police dept. to find out if there's anything like that for you. Honest to God, I paid for a background check on the ONE man I dated after I got PTSD. Was worth it for me to at least know beforehand I wasn't dating someone prone to violence. Let us know how it all goes!
  8. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member


    You carry the negative thoughts because you were told that all of your life. Yes it's way hard to break the pattern, but you can do it. It starts with HOW you feel about you......sometime before your date, please sit down with yourself in a quiet place, and write up a list of every POSITIVE about you...Be honest, and theses are NOT things that negative people have said.

    List things that you have completed or at least attempted to take on as a challenge in your life. List the things that you are proud of about yourself. Don't let any negative thoughts in...Only positive. List the things that you like or LOVE about yourself. Your hair, your a good mom, you made it through school...Whatever it is, and how ever minor you may think it is...List it...

    Now that you have your list written...Read it over a few times, put it in your wallet or purse or whatever you carry and keep it with you...Every time you feel a negative thought, pull out the list and read it over.

    When we have negative thoughts we carry them with us, and other people can sense it. On your date remember to hold your head up, walk tall and straight, and most important.......Have a great time!!!!!!! Relax you can do this....

  9. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    I totally agree with everything thats been posted! Everyone has issues! doesn't matter if you can see them or not but no one is perfect! Don't stress yourself out over little things like your looks.. if he's a single dad I'm sure looks aren't all that important to him. He is looking for a friend first.. someone that will be ok around his child and not off drinking at bars and sleeping around with his friends! Same thing all us single mom's worry about when thinking about dating. I bet he see's you as a mom and thats one thing you both have in common.. and I'm sure his life hasn't been perfect.
    nie likes this.
  10. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

    Pandora, go with your gut. I think you may be making yourself anxious by over thinking it. My advice would be to set your standards/expectations of a man and how you want to be treated, go if you want and then let the rest happen naturally. I don't think you can predict what to say or when.

    You never know unless you give it a go and you have to be in it to win it so what's to lose? Cliché I know but often true.

    Good luck with the spinal blocks.
  11. Portabella

    Portabella Well-Known Member

    Pandora, as excited and nervous as you sound, I think you should go. Keep it in a public place for the first meeting for sure. No walks for the first date I would advise. Alot can change from HS til now. Good luck
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