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Genital Surgery: Ever Heard Of Hypospadias?

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stillstanding2

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This week I have, by accident, virtually taken over another's thread called "Botched circumcision". I have apologized for that.

But I have written so much background that the latest posts in "Botched crcumcision" read like a biography. So I'm starting this thread and inviting anyone to join in with questions or histories about the psychological trauma associated with "repair" of an increasingly-occurring genital "birth defect" in boys.

I'm 69 years old, and have experienced virtually the whole modern history of medical attempts to "correct" the problem. The trauma, confusion, fear and self-loathing warped my childhood and young adulthood, and almost cost me my life several times. If you wonder what the possible causes are for some men's being "loners," "losers," or self-made "ouitcasts," I think I and others might have some answers. And many of us need those answers, spoken frankly.

The mental health community I know seems mostly ignorant on the import of the subject, and in some cases, I have had to painfully explain it to them. Millions of men and their families would know what I'm saying. Please refer first to "botched circumcision" for background if you are interested. Thanks, and be well.
 
Hugs stillstanding
Please don't think of it as a hijack, the discussion and new life for the old thread is welcome.

Reclaiming our junk and making those bits part of who we want to be, is not a rare theme on here. I've seen at least 4 trans gender ish individuals posting here ( all born with female bits).
 
Hugs stillstanding
Please don't think of it as a hijack, the discussion and new life for the old thread...

Thanks, Anarchy. I will welcome discussion trom transgenders heartily. I would like to emphasize though that hypospadias is most often not an intersex condition. Most often, it occurs in fetuses who are already developing males.
 
This is very interesting
Is there some sort of a ...aammm relation between mums that kids was born with h...

Oh no, Nickie, I probably shouldn't have told that story, since it could confuse people.

I was just mainly writing to say my mother was always close to me, responding to what you said about moms and their kids, Just rambling again about something else. Don't worry.

Unless my mother was exposed to something in her environment that harmed my development (such as some now-banned pesticides that caused much harm), my "defect" was probably genetic.

I hope you are doing well today!
 
Oh no, Nickie, I probably shouldn't have told that story, since it could confuse people.

I was...

No its good to here everything. You said your mum was always a country girl in there area was their a lot of kids born with defects in the same era as you? Cos if you do not have siblings with the same thing .. Why would it be genetic ..
But if there was a lot of kids born with some kind of a defect well a lot of questions can be asked. But however its been so long ago it doesn't matter really what matters now is how you are and to give people with that same problem advise to Handel it different ..

My sisters kid was born with schisis..( Google saidbthats the right word ) Totally normal just this lip that had a splete in. Then he went for his injections get fewer and was very sick for a very long time after the 3 month injection he got seizures and he was never the same now he is 16 same age as my son but he is like an 9 year old. And he grew twise the length of his parents.. They are very short both.


Just rambling again about something else. Don't worry

Shit!!!:wideeyed:You triggered curiosity ...:nailbiting: That's a bad trigger lol. :roflmao:
You can explain I would like to understand..
 
I was born with it.

It is mildly genetic. My eldest son was born with it too, with a very similar degree of severity as me, but my youngest son wasn't. It has also been linked to some substances, but nothing proven for certain.

My son's treatment was very different to mine. He had his first OP at 18 months and second at 2 years of age. Totally successful. He has no memory of it, although he knows he had it (because we told him and because his penis does look different). But the knowledge and appearance doesn't seem to have affected him. He's 16, confident and has had a girl friend for over a year, which suggest to me he isn't self conscious (I'm certain he hasn't had a physical relationship yet, but he is clearly happy with the opposite sex, so I don't think he has any concerns sexually).

By comparison, after repeated surgery throughout my childhood, I had my first girl friend and sexual experience when I was 29. Up until then I was so convinced I was hideously deformed 'down there' and any girl who saw me undressed would run screaming, that without really being aware, I simply isolated myself. My apparent lack of appeal to the opposite sex also made me think I must be gay (no problem with being gay, but my rational for thinking it was incorrect).

No one was more surprised than I, when aged 36 I met my partner and she became pregnant. Up until then I was convinced I would be unable to father a child without some medical intervention. Nobody ever explained the potential impact of the surgery, and I was too embarrassed to ask. 16 months later we had a second son, amazing!

The story should have ended happily ever after there. But sadly the maladaptive coping strategy I had evolved as a teenager and had continued in secret throughout my adult life caused a huge trauma five years ago, and I very nearly lost everything. I was then forced to disclose the nature of my problems in the cruellest and profoundly humiliating way. This second trauma, added to my childhood experiences was too much, and after an unsuccessful suicide attempt I finally reached out for professional help.

So for me it wasn't so much the medical condition itself, but the treatment for it that has profoundly affected my life.

Thanks for the opportunity to talk about it.
 
was their a lot of kids born with defects in the same era as you? Cos if you do not have siblings with the same thing .. Why would it be genetic ..

It is known that fathers with hypospadias can pass the gene to their sons. My father didn't have it (I don't think), but someone else in his family might have. I don't know, just as others with the condition don't often know who else might have had the condition.

BECAUSE IT WAS ALWAYS A SHAMEFUL SECRET! I'm sure men have committed crimes, been blackmailed, even committed suicide to protect their secret.

That is what I've been trying to get at. Not many guys like me ever knew others with the same problem. I can guess that a few other boys I knew and men I have known, have been through the same horrors alone, thinking that they were freaks. The only women who ever knew about hypospadias were mothers of such boys, and they didn't talk about it for fear of stigmatizing their sons.

Hypospadias and other genital anomalies have always been non-subjects, even within families, because of traditional shame and embarrassment. For centuries, babies have been given up for adoption for having "imperfect" genitals.

In "enlightened" ancient Greece, which idolized physical perfection, a baby like me would have been taken from my mother without being named, placed in a clay jar alive, and left in the funeral grounds to the predators. Or, a lactating woman might have fed me until I could be sold and reared as a slave.

The CDC suspects that some hypospadias cases may occur after the mother has been exposed to certain pesticides and other chemicals during pregnancy. That also is a big possibility in my case. In those years, toxic chemicals were poorly understood for the harm they could do, and we had plenty of those after World War II.

By the way, I feel as if I have talked too much about myself. This thread has caught no interest, and it may be that I have turned people off with my long posts on the other thread. I regret that. At least I can print out the core of what I forced out, and keep it in a journal for other uses.

How's your porch project going?
 
But sadly the maladaptive coping strategy I had evolved as a teenager and had continued in secret throughout my adult life caused a huge trauma

Oh man! Thanks for joining me. It wasn't easy to puke up all that I said in the "botched circumcision" thread, and I was beginning to think I had said too much too soon. I agree fully that adapting to the "treatment" is all but impossible when the whole matter has to be kept hidden.

I had similar fears of ridicule by girls and women. One "good" thing at the time was that I consistently wore condoms for my earliest experiments at sex. Not so much worried about disease as for contraception. The pill had only been around for a couple years. The condoms hid most of the evidence, and my few girlfriends were generally too shy to look anyway.

But of course there was never any hiding from myself. By then, I knew to my core that I was deeply flawed for life. I have no doubt that we understand each other.

So many people need to know about this secret. So many parents and potential parents, doctors, therapists, even urologists!
 
I speak as a woman. I know about hypospadias and the other form epispadias. Another related condition is chordee, which is about a bend in shape. I have come across the condition in my professional life but also have a friend who's son has hypospadias and as a teenager now presents with behavioural problems which I suspect stem from this . I suspect that his hospital appointments, surgeries and the disappointment demonstrated by his parents have all contributed to his struggles now.

I have been involved in professional/parent discussions about whether the conditions should be treated as an infant or wait for the child to be old enough to consent. I know which I prefer, but can appreciate that it is very hard for parents to allow such intimate surgery on their child. However I see that it is very difficult for a little boy that sees other little boys standing to pee, yet he has to sit down and 'be different' By the time he is old enough to consent to surgery maybe too late.
 
By the way, I feel as if I have talked too much about myself.

No my friend you haven't talked to mush to soon.. This was exactly the right time and the right place to say it. It is such a cruel world we live in!!!
And I am so glad you began this thread .. Maybe one day somebody Google this name and just by "Accident " land himself here. Would that be perfect maybe you can post a link to the other thread cos its all been linked to exactly one thing " birth defects" rear ones for that matter .

How's your porch project going

Glad you asked :D I have been cleaning every day from Monday till the bees chase me away this morning my daughter join in everything is sorted . :shy: imbarrase to say this but 3 years dust and shit have been removed .. Now only the washing/ scrubbing and repairing of sertun things .. If you saw how it looked and how it is now its a 200% difference :wideeyed:
I need a willing mans help for the next move welding and grinding and so on .. So I need to be a Delila for some time .. :D
 
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