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Relationship Girlfriend Wants Space To Figure Stuff Out

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LloydBraun

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I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months now. She suffers from anxiety, depression and PTSD. She was open about all of that from the start and I am more than ok with that We connected deep down very quickly, talked about future stuff like living together and even marriage. I have 2 children and she has 1 child. It has felt like a family from the start. We were honest about our wants and needs out of a relationship, both of us were on the same page. I was very excited about finding a like minded woman. I am divorced and this wonderful woman brought out that romantic in me that I thought was dead and buried. She has been through bad relationships in the past, so it seems like she has a hard time believing I am for real. I've been consistent since the start. These past 2 months have been weird on her end. 2-3 weeks ago she said she needs space to figure everything out for her and her son. Everything I've read about depression says that this is kind of normal, but I don't understand how she can just change like that. The first 3-4 months we were on the same page. She'd send wedding ring links, dress links, talk about where we'd get married. Those texts were like a high, because I was feeling it too, still do. That is why I'm so confused. She said she is just as upset and confused by her change. She said she wasn't feeling the romance as much anymore. Is that depression related? Because she would tell me just a couple months ago how much a babe I am, how happy I make her and how she thought she would never find a guy like me. This sudden change has me feeling confused and kind of played in a way. She had this wonderful heartfelt tattoo tribute idea for her friend who passed away a few years ago. I told her that, that would be her valentines/bday gift. She got the tattoo, it meant a lot to her. Her friend was very important to her, still is in spirit. We also thought the tattoo would be very therapeutic for her. It was so great seeing her express some deep down feeling with that tribute. The timing of all this distance and questioning seems odd. She said she feels pressure about being a mom of 3 and potential wife. I just keep coming back to the thought that we shared just in December about building a future for us and our kids. Now she says she is confused on what she wants. She seemed very sure when we first started seeing each other what she wanted. Is this just a bad depression phase? Maybe the realness of everything is flaring up her anxiety or PTSD? It's tough for me since she was so sure of us and what she wanted in life just a couple months ago. In my thinking of this, it can either be that her mental illnesses are doing this or there is another guy somewhere in the picture or that she was just using me the whole time. The last two thoughts are based on my experience being cheated on by my ex wife. I truly believe this is mental illness hiccup on her part, just wish I could help her more. I don't want to make things worse by telling her what to do. I've been reading so many real life stories that sound exactly like what we are going through. This is real life stuff. What her and I felt right off the bat was the realest feeling I have ever had. She is worth going through this.
Thank you for reading!
 
Let me start off by saying that it's very sweet of you are trying to meet your girlfriend's mental & emotional needs & the tattoo gift was so awesome & so sweet. I think it's great you care that much.

The first thing that comes to mind after reading this is that maybe she got excited too soon? I don't know if it's the depression & history with abuse but I know I get excited VERY quick when I'm in a new relationship, finally having happiness? YES! But, like you said the depression can bring about negative thoughts randomly. "Is he really right for my son & I?","Can I really trust him?", "Is he going to be like everyone else?". Of course I don't know exactly what she's thinking, but I'd assume she's fearing the worst and protecting her heart by keeping her distance. Is it fair to you? Not at all. I feel like this IS happening because of her mental state though. Maybe the idea of getting married & having more kids is exciting but following through can be very scary, especially if you have anxiety. There is a deeper fear in the heads of those of us who have anxiety reminding us of the possibility of failure.
Maybe you can just tell her that you guys can take it slower on the big stuff & continue where you left off? I hope you two can figure things out, sounds like ya'll are very happy & I hope that continues. I hope this long novel I wrote helped in any kinds of way. :D
 
Thanks! I told her that I'm not in her head and just assumed she was still full on about all that wonderful future stuff we were talking about 3 months ago. I have never been in a relationship like this. She likes to retreat into herself, which I don't take offense to thanks to researching the 3 illnesses she battles. Her past bad experiences are truly an uphill fight, but I believe my genuine loving, supporting nature shows through. She sees how great I am to her and her son, so I think she is taking the time to fully access everything. She knows what I provide and that I can handle a lot in life. That is the part that is tricky, because I want to be in there with her for all her stresses in life. That is what I am about, helping the love of my life through whatever she has. This is defiantly new territory for her, so maybe her not being in therapy right now has her scrabbling over how to organize her feelings. She was doing so great in therapy, now that is over. She claims that money is why she doesn't do therapy at the moment. I even offered to help make those payments because her well being is top priority.
 
Well, as you have I would definitely suggest therapy again, or even calling a hotline or coming onto a site like this if therapy is too expensive. A lot of the emotions & thoughts she goes through are normal, but she won't be able to realize or handle that unless she is told by someone that has either been through it or is a profession in the Psychology department. It sounds like you read & understand her very well though. I say she's lucky to have someone who cares so much, not all of us are that blessed. I hope she works with you soon instead of shutting herself out. Props to you for handling the situation so well, also. I know people that deal with these issues on a daily basis can be a bit much to handle (I say that only because I am one of them). Good luck with your relationship, I will be praying for the happiness of you two and for your kids as well!
 
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