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Going no contact with a family member that is a narcissist

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And you are aware of trying to stop the feelings.... that is half the battle right there... and saying the birth process is perfect.... lots of pain in the middle part.... but we got thru it didn't we....

And our kids have their own journey... that has nothing to do with us. and they are adults, making their own choices. Just as we did, and we paid our consequences. Just as they will. Good or bad, it is what it is.... but we do have the power to become some awesome women on the other side of this, not that we aren't awesome now !!!! Because we are.... and we both have loving support. And one old vulture flapping in our midst only showed us how close we all are... how bonded we are.... see, we take nothing for granted , we have our voices... and our hearts, that are tender and loving.... that's part of the reason we hurt so bad.... as so many here for so many reasons..... very very tender hearted people we are... Thank God !!!!

And you may find yourself doing the things you don't want to do... it's because we 'unlearning', try and remember that.... and we just say, oh hell, this doesn't work, so we get back on track...it's exhausting work.... but you are not alone... just remember, we are walking this together... and we look up at each other sometimes and just laugh about how hard we make it on our self, then take a few more baby steps.... we got this Rain.... we got this !!!!
 
it's because we 'unlearning', try and remember that.... and we just say, oh hell, this doesn't work, so we get back on track...it's exhausting work.... but you are not alone... just remember, we are walking this together... and we look up at each other sometimes and just laugh about how hard we make it on our self, then take a few more baby steps.... we got this Rain.... we got this !!!!

@ladee I had to laugh at this because it is true!:inlove::laugh::D I think I prefer the simple, oh hell this does not work so I can get back on track. I love it because I can remember this one.:x3::oops::p

I think I am doing the unlearning in stages, as I become aware of something, then I am in a pretty good position to do something about it. I can learn and unlearn too. I feel such a uplift in spirits today.:laugh::D:happy:

It is rather confusing at times, but slowly and with all of the wonderful people who have believed and supported me, I am still going forwards in this and when I do look back I know I am on the right track. I have grown and realized so many things about this whole ordeal.

I do feel compassion for my daughter and the girls. You are also spot on about making choices and the resulting consequences. I continually am surrendering and allowing the things to unfold naturally and getting out and away from the middle of it, has probably been the best that I can do. I see it more as a safeguard to protect me from more nonsense, for that it is all it is. I have been able to get some distance between me and my daughter and now she is on her own apart from me as it should be.

For the old vulture that tried to disturb our peace, and failed, and now silenced thankfully, we are closer and more unified and I do not think this will happen again. So I am determined to revive my misplaced sense of humor and try to laugh and not take myself so serious again. Love you:hug::hug::hug:
 
Today I was tempted to write my daughter a letter talking about my side of things. One thing always stops me dead in my tracks. The last contact with her she called me the most vile names and I did not know that she even talked that way at all. That thought stops me right away.

She does not care about my side, she wants to win and get her way and there is no logical conversation that is ever going to take place, ever.

There is no way that I would be able to return to the status quo that existed before the explosion. All I know is that the times I actually enjoy being alone is not very much lately. I miss my family. It is going to take time to recover from this trauma. :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:
 
You can write her letters, like you do the kids, just dont mail them... it does help to get it out... but not sending it helps us not to be a voluntary victim. I have written my son letters, especially at the begining, when I was so hurt and angry. I have a paper journal I use to put stuff like that in.... I think I remember you saying you do too... we can still get it out... but they aren't going to hear us.... and you are doing so good.... just a little while longer and you will get to start seeing your T and things will settle down some for you.... gentle hugs.
 
Okay, @ladee I will get off this laptop and give it a try because I know that you are telling me the truth. I will give it a shot and just hope for once that it will relieve this pressure on my heart. You were so kind as to remind that I will soon be back in therapy and sorting through this pain with my therapist. I will hang on just like you said. Bless you kind person for having my back today. Okay here goes.........hugs back.:):hug:
 
Thanks @Heather hugs back. How is school? Are they keeping you busy?:happy::hug:

I tried to write another letter to get some of the poison out and was surprised at the amount of anger I still have at her so it was a good thing to do just to discover that. I could not have a conversation with her right now even if she was perfectly behaved because of the amount of anger I feel at all that she has tried to do to me.

I guess I will have to do this again and again until I find my inner peace. It did not help me to feel better at all though so I do not see the wisdom in this yet. But I will not give up on it yet.
 
@Rain You don't see the wisdom yet, because the hurt and denial is still there. You are still in the phase of, "How can she do this to me" which is basically still denial. You are still seeing her as your daughter, the one when she was younger and you had a great relationship with. You are not seeing her as the one now that twist your words, cuts you to the bone with her words, and you're not seeing her for the person she is today. You're still her mom and she's still your daughter. Time hasn't let you detach yet. Until then you won't see the wisdom, but it will allow you to get out what you are feeling. A way to release the pent up fury and frustration.

As I have said in the past..... Good day/bad day. Accept the good ones and be happy because when the bad ones come it's hell. BUT!!!!!! It does get better with time.... hugs.
 
You don't see the wisdom yet, because the hurt and denial is still there. You are still in the phase of, "How can she do this to me" which is basically still denial.

You are right about this. I realize that I am still there, sadly. I guess I do want to move on so very much, but I still see her as she used to be. I am so hurt and angry still. I am still not quite believing that yes she is doing these things to me and she could care less. I will learn to accept this as it is eventually, but I am not quite there yet.

I realized yesterday that a big part of me is still in shock over what all she has said and done to me and to the kids. You have given me things to really consider and I am. Thank you so much for being so honest with me, I so appreciate what you have to say and share. Hugs.
 
My daughter has a birthday coming up really soon and I was tempted to send her a text wishing her a Happy Birthday and then block her number again, But a peer suggested to have some kind of ceremony at home to celebrate her birthday. This year her birthday is like an anniversary reaction because of all that has happened. I am going to make a plan on that day and stick to it. I have never ever missed one of her birthdays before. So this is going to be challenging for me. Any other suggestions?
 
Absolutely do not contact her in any way!!!!! The holidays are the worst, including birthdays, but it's only a day,
Ike any other day, and you can choose how to react to that day. You can sit home and wallow, you can go out and do something, or you can celebrate that you no longer will accept ANYONE causing tou shit or grief because you are strong!!!!!!

It's your choice!!!!
 
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