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D
Deleted member 12723
@She Cat I will tell you if I get a clue about how to get people out of me head. At this point, it is far easier to walk away from my daughter. But the grandkids have been such a huge part of my life for almost eighteen years and they have done nothing wrong. So today, I am going to write some more letters that I do not intend to send. They are in my heart and I will never forget what my daughter has done to all of us.
I am grieving today again, and it sucks big time. I hate it but it goes with the situation that is going on right now. I will probably feel better after writing the letters because I have found it is a good way to connect with the kids and I am doing something proactive that has a goal to it as well.
It is so grey today and I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and that really gets me down so much. I have lights on that do help and I have to take some vitamin D today to help boost my body being so depressed.
It is quiet and peaceful and although I realize that my daughter is up to no good, for now she has chosen to leave me alone and stay away from me so I can also experience some more healing from the last encounter which took so much out of me. My guard is up now all of the time, and although I do not live thinking about another ambush from her all of the time, it is there in the back of my head. I am finally paying attention.
Pretty soon the kids will be back in school again. That will really help them so much to get out of the home again to be with their friends. My grandson has a girlfriend that he gets to be with at school all of the time and it really makes him happy, and the youngest granddaughter is popular and has a lot of friends and is always busy with them.
I got really tempted to text my grandson yesterday, from missing him and worrying about him, but I resisted the urge. This is the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to choose in my life and I am one that has made so many hard choices. Funny thing it seems to be harder as I get older or it is just this very bad situation that makes it so tough.
Trying not to dwell on this, yet sometimes it is harder than other times. I battle the depression over losing them in my life. Even though with my head I realize that is not written in cement how things will go in the future later on, I struggle with the day to day grieving process. I know that I am not alone and there are so many good people going through similar situations with their own kids due to a sadistic Narcissist. I remembered yesterday that my daughter was diagnosed with borderline disorder a couple of years ago and maybe it is her age, but she has really lost it at this point and I do not deal with borderline people very well at all. I never knew much about the disorder before and have been learning about it and it answers so many questions and makes so much sense. She is on medication but getting no real help to help her manage her symptoms that I know of and probably will not either.
I have pretty much accepted that going no contact with her is the only way to go with her from now on for the rest of my life. I need to detach with love and let go of the kids for a very long time and just have the hope that maybe I will get connected to them again, while realizing at the same time, that my daughter in their lives will triangulize them and try to hook me in to. So I am learning all I can about how Narcissists control the families and entangle and pit family members against each other all of the time and preparing just in case to be cautious with the kids if they do reconnect. I have to do this
I am grieving today again, and it sucks big time. I hate it but it goes with the situation that is going on right now. I will probably feel better after writing the letters because I have found it is a good way to connect with the kids and I am doing something proactive that has a goal to it as well.
It is so grey today and I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and that really gets me down so much. I have lights on that do help and I have to take some vitamin D today to help boost my body being so depressed.
It is quiet and peaceful and although I realize that my daughter is up to no good, for now she has chosen to leave me alone and stay away from me so I can also experience some more healing from the last encounter which took so much out of me. My guard is up now all of the time, and although I do not live thinking about another ambush from her all of the time, it is there in the back of my head. I am finally paying attention.
Pretty soon the kids will be back in school again. That will really help them so much to get out of the home again to be with their friends. My grandson has a girlfriend that he gets to be with at school all of the time and it really makes him happy, and the youngest granddaughter is popular and has a lot of friends and is always busy with them.
I got really tempted to text my grandson yesterday, from missing him and worrying about him, but I resisted the urge. This is the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to choose in my life and I am one that has made so many hard choices. Funny thing it seems to be harder as I get older or it is just this very bad situation that makes it so tough.
Trying not to dwell on this, yet sometimes it is harder than other times. I battle the depression over losing them in my life. Even though with my head I realize that is not written in cement how things will go in the future later on, I struggle with the day to day grieving process. I know that I am not alone and there are so many good people going through similar situations with their own kids due to a sadistic Narcissist. I remembered yesterday that my daughter was diagnosed with borderline disorder a couple of years ago and maybe it is her age, but she has really lost it at this point and I do not deal with borderline people very well at all. I never knew much about the disorder before and have been learning about it and it answers so many questions and makes so much sense. She is on medication but getting no real help to help her manage her symptoms that I know of and probably will not either.
I have pretty much accepted that going no contact with her is the only way to go with her from now on for the rest of my life. I need to detach with love and let go of the kids for a very long time and just have the hope that maybe I will get connected to them again, while realizing at the same time, that my daughter in their lives will triangulize them and try to hook me in to. So I am learning all I can about how Narcissists control the families and entangle and pit family members against each other all of the time and preparing just in case to be cautious with the kids if they do reconnect. I have to do this