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Grief - The Loss Of Our Old Self

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Grama-Herc

MyPTSD Pro
In a thread started by ISupportHer about grieving the loss of the wife he knew, once she became a PTSD sufferer, started me thinking!

"WE", the sufferers of PTSD need to grieve also. We need to grieve the loss of our former selves. I never thought about it like this before, but we have had a loss.

The loss of the self we knew. We have lost the person we were. Have any of us grieved this loss.

PTSD changes "us" for life and I would think it mentally healthy to go through the grieving process. The person we were is gone. That person is not coming back and I think that needs to be acknowledged and mourned in order to move on.

I am curious if this even makes sense to anyone but me. What do you think?
 
Herc;
Yes, part of our healing process involves a ton of grief.....grieving for our lost childhood, innocence, lack of getting our needs met, the mistakes we made because of the abuse, the incredable losses we have all suffered as a result of the abuse.

YEs, grieving seems integral to what this work is that we are doing....I think I will be grieving losses, especially the loss of who I might have been, for the rest of my life. I never knew myself prior to PTSD.......but I deeply miss the fact that I could have lead a very different life and been a very different person.

Cards we got dealt.....grieving we need to go through.
 
Having PTSD for most of my life(although only diagnosed 15 yrs ago) I don't KNOW who I was before..... But I do grieve for the person that I MIGHT have become had it not been for the PTSD.......I grieve for the hurt that I have caused myself and others due to this shitty disorder.....

Make no mistake, PTSD SUCKS!!!!!!!
 
Once I faced the my own denial - I had to start grieving. I'm still grieving, but it is getting less and less now. BUT, I know that I will always have to live with the recognition that I lost over 30 years of my life (so far) to the struggle. But, on the positive side, the process of grieving has given me insight and awareness as to who I am. Despite the pain of facing my past, and the recognition of loss, I am also relieved to be getting closer to being able to be me and not the defensive, shutdown survivor I was before. Grieving is part of what has enabled this change.
 
Yes....this definitely does make sense...
But thinking about it now...Its scary. Its like...to do that..I have to admit that I do infact have PTSD...those events really did happen to me...I really do need help...Its terrifying.
Its just that I've never thought about that... I guess I'm not as far along as I thought...

Manic
 
Manic

I think you are further along than you think. You saw something in this topic that I never thought of. That being, if we grieve the loss of our old self, then we have to admit we have PTSD.

Very insightful on your part.
 
Well thank you Grama. That helps... :)

I think this is a very good thread you have started...
I'm going to continue thinking about this... I will hopefully be able to reply again sometime soon and say... "This is how I'm grieving" instead of finding some excuse or some reasoning to explain how I don't have PTSD... and these things really didn't happen...as I'm doing now >.<

Just not a good night... Hopefully I will be able to do this soon.
Thank you.

Manic
 
I think I grieve more for the fact that others don't understand ptsd. I at least work on me every day to be a better person and seek help in the bad times. Although I wish I had never being held hostage, it certainly changed my outlook on life in many many ways. We all handle our ptsd as best we can, there is no right or wrong way of looking at things. All I know is that I don't let it control my life.
 
I believe I have to grieve to be able to let it go and yet I'm afraid to grieve, it's as if it's going to open up some huge chasm that I can't get away from, what's that all about. What is so scary about doing what I need and want to do.

I'm sad about that girl that used to be me, who has gone, has been gone for years, I don't know who I am, right now I just exist and not doing too well at that. There are short moments when I'm alive, then I go back to existing. I'd like to be able to say that I don't let it control my life, I'm working on that, right now it's a difficult period. Perhaps it's time to start grieving.

Heather
 
I used to feel so sad (and for such a long time) about the fact that i am not the same person anymore. But now I feel acceptance. I miss the girl i used to be, (especially the motivation she had to do things). But I am learning to love the person I am becoming and seeing the benefits/positives. I may not get as much done now and feel stuck and triggered a lot of the time but I also "feel" everything now and am more present to myself and my needs. this has meant I am more present to others. I am learning to sit with the bad times because I now know how f----- good it feels when you come out of deep dark places. At times i have absolutely no idea who I am or what I value or want, and that truly scares me. But now I have the choice to choose who I want to be and what I want to value and what I want to try. I certainly am a much more colourful and interesting person now!!! lol
 
Again, I gain insight by those of you sharing. Grief, depression, PTSD. I have no doubt my wife suffers. I just have to say again how I feel privileged to learn from all of the personal feelings and observations expressed. Great thread. Difficult for may of you to think about and comment on perhaps but an interesting topic.

Thanks!
 
I feel privileged to learn from all of the personal feelings and observations expressed...Difficult for many of you to think about and comment on

Thank you for acknowledging our difficulties and learning from us, it is good to know that I am taken seriously, you're helping me to develop trust.

Heather
 
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