Kintsugi
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So, last night I got extremely, extremely trashed at my friends' house with a few other people (two of whom I'd just met and didn't know at all).
Please refrain from telling me to stop drinking. I know I've been drinking too much. I know it's a response to being under a lot of stress. I know it's not helpful. And these sorts of situations wouldn't happen if I wasn't getting hammered 1-3 times a week.
Everything was fine for awhile. It's like it hit me all at once. I also had eaten very little yesterday, which didn't help. Anyway, I went to the bathroom, where I puked several times and also peed I guess, and I suppose I was really truly gone, because when I went to dry my hands after washing them, I still hadn't pulled up my pants. My friends' door doesn't close all the way due to a bathmat on the floor and the way their towel rack hangs on the top of the door, so I go to dry my hands, trip on my pants, attempt to catch myself by grabbing the towels, and the whole towel rack comes flying off, flinging the door wide open, at which point I apparently stumbled backwards about 10 feet, falling into the wall and breaking the toilet roll holder clear off the wall in the process.
I'm taking this all in in a matter of seconds when this dude I don't know appears in the doorway, stares at me, wide-eyed, disappears, and I hear him say something like, "She's naked" (not accurate, but okay).
I get up, close the door, secure my pants. My female friend knocks on the door, I open it, and I don't know what the f*ck happened. The next thing I remember, she's taken me to her bedroom, and I am sobbing. I say over and over things like, "I didn't mean to. I just tripped." Just on a loop. She told me today that this went on for about 15 minutes, and then she took me home, because I was flipping out about getting back to my house.
I don't remember all of the details of last night, but I do remember how I felt when I was sobbing. I just had this intense, completely disproportionate emotion flooding through me. Normally, I would have just laughed it off, but I was a disaster. I felt panicked, intense fear, and I just couldn't pull myself together.
I'm assuming I experienced an emotional flashback. It was f*cking terrible and embarrassing and I felt like so much shit when I woke up. I was mortified.
Was this an emotional flashback? I definitely felt powerfully regressed. It was horrible. :sorry:
Please refrain from telling me to stop drinking. I know I've been drinking too much. I know it's a response to being under a lot of stress. I know it's not helpful. And these sorts of situations wouldn't happen if I wasn't getting hammered 1-3 times a week.
Everything was fine for awhile. It's like it hit me all at once. I also had eaten very little yesterday, which didn't help. Anyway, I went to the bathroom, where I puked several times and also peed I guess, and I suppose I was really truly gone, because when I went to dry my hands after washing them, I still hadn't pulled up my pants. My friends' door doesn't close all the way due to a bathmat on the floor and the way their towel rack hangs on the top of the door, so I go to dry my hands, trip on my pants, attempt to catch myself by grabbing the towels, and the whole towel rack comes flying off, flinging the door wide open, at which point I apparently stumbled backwards about 10 feet, falling into the wall and breaking the toilet roll holder clear off the wall in the process.
I'm taking this all in in a matter of seconds when this dude I don't know appears in the doorway, stares at me, wide-eyed, disappears, and I hear him say something like, "She's naked" (not accurate, but okay).
I get up, close the door, secure my pants. My female friend knocks on the door, I open it, and I don't know what the f*ck happened. The next thing I remember, she's taken me to her bedroom, and I am sobbing. I say over and over things like, "I didn't mean to. I just tripped." Just on a loop. She told me today that this went on for about 15 minutes, and then she took me home, because I was flipping out about getting back to my house.
I don't remember all of the details of last night, but I do remember how I felt when I was sobbing. I just had this intense, completely disproportionate emotion flooding through me. Normally, I would have just laughed it off, but I was a disaster. I felt panicked, intense fear, and I just couldn't pull myself together.
I'm assuming I experienced an emotional flashback. It was f*cking terrible and embarrassing and I felt like so much shit when I woke up. I was mortified.
Was this an emotional flashback? I definitely felt powerfully regressed. It was horrible. :sorry: