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General Happy Freakin' Holidays... Coping Ideas For Supporters

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Sweetpea76

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The holidays are often horrible times for our loved ones with PTSD. Since we love them, we hate to see them suffer. Sometimes it is hard to enjoy things when your sufferer is isolating, depressed, or lashing out from holiday stressors. Sufferers don't want to make their supporters feel bad during the holidays, so that adds even more guilt and self-loathing. It can be a never ending cycle. This can make the holidays a big bucket of suck for everybody. Thanks a lot, PTSD.

What is your favorite way to handle the holidays now? Did you find a good coping mechanism, or maybe change some traditions? Any Suggestions or advice? Nothing is going to fix it, but sometimes the little things can help.

We can all use some good ideas! :tup:

For example, we've adjusted an existing tradition to make things smoother. I have always gotten my kids Christmas jammies as a gift they can open on Christmas Eve and wear to bed (pro-tip - it makes for better pictures in the morning if everybody has on cute PJs). Now instead of making the rounds of various family get-togethers on Christmas Eve (his and mine), we have officially declared Christmas Eve "our" family time and stay home. We all get Christmas Eve jammies, then spend the evening at home in them, order pizza and watch funny Christmas movies and cartoons. Insert a big eye-roll from my vet who doesn't wear "jammies"... but he's a good sport about wearing his goofy PJ pants that night.

We get to do something Christmas-y, and all he has to do is change into something comfy and watch movies with just immediate family. So far he has been able to manage it, even when he has been feeling really crappy. We make sure to keep the movies funny... like Elf, Bad Santa, and National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. No sentimental junk. So far, so good!
 
My significant other just pointed out that correlation between the holidays and my PTSD. I honestly could not understandwhy all of a sudden my stress level went up. I was doing so good. This makes sense.

Not sure what to do yet. I never made the connection until yesterday
 
On top of any triggers or PTSD symptoms related to the holidays, just think of all the stress there is in general. The whole fam-damnily gathers around, and even in the healthiest of families, there can be friction or stress. Spending too much money, trying to finish up work or personal projects before the beginning of the new year, trying to make everything perfect and get things done in time for the celebrations, running from house to house for social obligations... blech. It is exhausting. That is WITHOUT PTSD. I can't imagine what a sufferer's stress cup looks like during the holidays when "healthy" peoples' cups are filled up.
 
Limited commitment to family gatherings! They are stressful and adding two families together means twice the work to get to and participate in gatherings. My SO has an anniversary date near the holidays so it's double bad. I get overstimulated when there's a million people and pets in the house too, so we do a meal with the family and help clean up, but then we go off and do our own thing. Best of both worlds and we're creating our own traditions (or lack thereof) as a couple.
 
I know, the holidays are over, but mine were suck-tastic, so better late than never?

My advice? Create your own traditions. Cut out whatever causes stress, but still insist on your own needs being met. I love the lights and tree - husband hates "everything" about the holidays, but is willing to allow the tree and lights. And he loves our fancy appetizers and movie night, and my goofy insistence on finding a "yule log" on TV. :D I love the PJs idea - if we had kids that age, I'd do it! Maybe I will even with the adult kids...;)

Until the last few months, I didn't realize the extent of my sufferer's trauma. Ergo, spending the holidays with the causes of that stress? Yeah. No wonder he hates the holidays! This last season was the first he was really looking forward to, and I realize now, it's because his mother (a trauma-dealer? Stressor?) was no longer part of that picture. Had he TOLD me how bad it was, oh, six years ago, we could have changed it.

If we're still together next holidays? My own family (what's left of it - my mom) will be close, and he loves my family. Maybe we can finally actually start to work on our own traditions. I've been trying to, but with having to take his own mother into consideration in our plans, he was never safe enough to just enjoy anything during the holidays, whether it be our "just us" yule celebration, or driving to look at the pretty lights.
 
I agree to create new habits. I also try to do as much ahead as possible. My son has intense PTSD. My daughter and I have less severe PTSD. So I need to consider every aspect and give plenty of time and space for the fun times. And also allow for breaks to regroup. Less noise and not lots of people helps,too. Be flexible and patient.
 
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