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Hard Time Lately With Relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by paul, Jan 20, 2007.

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  1. paul

    paul Member

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    ive been having a bad time lately as some may have read in other topics.
    after doing the ptsd course i felt that i could maybe function again as a normal person and this went well for about a week.
    then went back to what i was like before, it is dissapointing because you know what to do and after the course i have the info i need to do it but it seems too much hassle.
    today i read through all of my book and decided to give it a real go but i think what i have done in the last week and what ive said to her is unforgivable,but i will apollogize to her tonight and see if we can move on.
    i think that if we wake up each morning and say to ourselves im going to have a great day then do our best to have it.
    im going to do my best to work things out with my wife and thank her everyday for being there for me, thats the least i can do for her after all the crap she has put up with over the years.
    its not often i look at things from her side but im glad i did today.
    maybe i might be a bit more concerned for the way she feels .
    sorry for going on and on.
     
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Hi Paul, nope it's not easy to stay on track that is for sure. I think that getting all of your relationship issues on the table will be a big help. I did post a reply in the spouse thread that i think this is a great beginning. Do not ignore the issues that are present just because of your ptsd. It won't help. Both have to be dealt with.

    I think it is wonderful that you are willing to work this out. That takes a lot of courage and heart.

    bec
     
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Paul, if you have the same tools Anthony got to cope with this then you have the best out there! Just take it a day at a time and do what feels right and is. Sometimes all we can do is a day at a time. But bec, is right, we cannot tuck other issues away, you should know for certain if you had the same person involved as Anthony everything has to be dealt with. All the best luck.
     
  5. paul

    paul Member

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    thanks ive had the tools but havent used them since finishing the course, i think i expected it all to become second nature but ive now realised ill have to work hard on everything which is what we were told.
    im looking forward to tomorrow which is something i havent done in a while.
     
  6. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    That is certainly a good sign!
     
  7. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Paul, don't beat yourself up over the PTSD course immediate results, because you should have also been told that when you leave that course, you will likely get worse, as its expected. Tools and techniques do not sink in that easily, or quickly, and as you mentioned above, it takes a person to go back over the knowledge, the techniques and really make that firm decision, enough is enough, I am going to implement these things and enjoy a better life. You must heal your trauma, that is paramount, if not done completely. You must get all your trauma out, everything and anything that contains negative emotions, get it out, don't bottle it up, then apply what you now know, and you will get that life in this year, without question. The process comes with ups and downs, but if you learn when down, you learn when up, you educate yourself and retrain your brain with positives, with logic, with fact, you can then forgive where applicable if needed, you can reason with negative emotions, you can succeed to manage PTSD.

    Excellent news about your stance mate, and really excellent to hear about your relationship. I won't lie about relationships, at the best of times and without illnesses, relationships are demanding to maintain, with PTSD they are extreme, but if both parties love one another, then no issue is too big if both parties agree to actively work upon it and find a common resolve, not one, not the other, but common. Like you where told on that course, both parties must be at that gate and join hands, not one enter anothers paddock, but both enter a new paddock, a joint paddock to move together into the future.
     
  8. paul

    paul Member

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    thanks anthony, we got to the gate for a chat last nightand went well.
    i dont know if it happened on your course but we had 4 blokes from other courses come in and have a chat and all mentioned relapse after the course which got to us a bit.
    after that i think and my wife mentioned it that we all are just sitting waiting for it to happen to us, but you are deadset right we have to change things for our selves.
     
  9. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Paul:

    not applying what you have learned is a completely human thing we do. It takes us a bit to figure out we have to apply it and then you will apply and then not.. then relapse and apply it again.. etc.. until it becomes second nature to you. You have to learn new skills and that is not easy. So don't be too hard on yourself. Try and catch it as fast as you can, when you cease to use your new skills and keep going! All perfectly normal of a process.

    bec
     
  10. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Hi Paul good to see you met at the gate for a chat.Well done.
    Our gate is open but we seem to still have that bloody big boulder there we sometimes start to get around it but it is still there!
    Jen
     
  11. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Yes mate, we had the same. We had four people come in from atleast two courses prior to ours, where they had settled past the relapse period of the course, done the work and where now progressing into life once again. One of them was even just employed and about to start a new job. How that went, I do not know, but he atleast got to that point for himself. We all are effected differently obviously, and that depends on how long we relapse, and how much work we have to do on ourselves. I remember that Martha and the others did tell us that after the course we would all relapse, which I did for about 2+ months, then things started to get better. I got ill again though, not as often as before the course, but still frequently, so I read the information again, went further and self educated myself a lot more, then put all the pieces together. I did a lot of self analysis, to say the least.
     
  12. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Gee Anthony I wish you would bottle up some of that self belief and enthusiasm that you have and send it up this way:)
    Jen
     
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