Crystal Thomas
New Here
When my cptsd was at its very worst and I was homeless and experiencing violent rages everyday from being triggered by an accululation of recent quite overwhelming traumatic events and binge drinking to self medicate, then I descovered Ice.
I don't want to generate discussion around the stigma and whether its a good or bad substance. I am interested to find out if anyone else with trauma who experiences/exeritnced debilitating fight responses (or any type of trauma related response, brain fog, dissociative etc) that has for whatever reason had IV methamphetamines during one of those states of being triggered has experienced the drug as instantly soothing and calming...?
I can only describe my experience as going from a state of acute rage in which I am completely helpless to the grossly overwhelming anger that I am also acutely aware of in every respect (how inapropriate it is, how revolting it feels to have that much toxic sweaty and incoherent violence in you that you don't even endorse yourself but you're at its mercy. IV ice takes that foggy, terrifying, totally raw and vulnerable state of fear presenting as anger and just melts it in seconds ... In seconds I was able ro see a clear and rational perspective and view things objectivity. Things felt possible again.
I used the substance and its effects of being able to systematically go about planning and carrying out the necessary steps to break out of the homelessness loop id found myself in.
I've now since then never developed psychosis or symptoms of and respond badly to antipsychotics and never experienced any rages, delusions OD grandeur or been inclined to or engaged in the much publicized risky sex as ice takes away my want or enjoyment of being affectionate or tactile - it makes me focussed and practical - wanting to achieve things I can't in my usual state .
Most people I know who are addicted to ice have truama. Mine is; complex/childhood trauma.
I've read that as the catalyst events to CPTSD happened at a young age, people with CPTSD's brains actually develop diffeently as a result and grow to function in fear mode, generating hypervigilence, insomnia, scanning for fear from a accentuated amygdala activity which is responsible for 'fight or flight' responses. this chronic state means you're flooded with cortisole and adrenaline most of the time which means you're very vulnerable to substance abuse and addiction which can lead to developing what sounds like serotonin syndrome: rages, chronic anxiety, constipation)
I would have thought that as CPTSD means I live everyday with adrenaline and cortisole among other things pumping through my system most of the time that tge last thing os respond well to wotld be a drug that hugely increases the rapid production of those things !? I'm desperate to understand why this happens and if there is anyone out there whose had a similar experirnce, has answers as to why or has anykind of alternative treatments or insights into this ???!
Please try not to cast aspirsions - We have enough fearmongering generated by the government, media, and health services which is perpetrated by the general public whose only source of information on the subject is the aforementioned services. here in Melbourne, Australia we are apparently having an ice epidemic though its actually in a government manipulated drought and this has meant that what os being sold is not methamphetamines but hybrids of cutters and things like phenelephrine..methamphetamines have been around for about 15 years and purity and numbers of addicts has decreased.
Missinformation and illinformed clichè psychological and physical effects of the drug and dangerous judgmental attitudes of service staff as well as a complete disregard for harm mininusstion or insights meaning most service workers refuse to learn, listen or provide adequate response and care. This has consumed most AOD related areas of all forms of media including the internet.
But nowhere that focuses on a genuinely helpful source of information and shared experiences for those who don't experience the ice addiction stereotype and don't therefore respond to its associated treatment options and 'information or help' offered of which is scarce as it is.
But there is no harm reduction focused support or information anywhere for those who want to share experiences to understand what's going on for their bodies and brains and inform and empower themselves to stay as safe as possible. Instead our willpower Is eroded;' and the vital information, that validates and helps you to accept your reality and feel less vulnerable goes unacknowledged.
I am not promoting my experience nor endorse the drug but I am desperate to understand it and find some actual help.
I don't want to generate discussion around the stigma and whether its a good or bad substance. I am interested to find out if anyone else with trauma who experiences/exeritnced debilitating fight responses (or any type of trauma related response, brain fog, dissociative etc) that has for whatever reason had IV methamphetamines during one of those states of being triggered has experienced the drug as instantly soothing and calming...?
I can only describe my experience as going from a state of acute rage in which I am completely helpless to the grossly overwhelming anger that I am also acutely aware of in every respect (how inapropriate it is, how revolting it feels to have that much toxic sweaty and incoherent violence in you that you don't even endorse yourself but you're at its mercy. IV ice takes that foggy, terrifying, totally raw and vulnerable state of fear presenting as anger and just melts it in seconds ... In seconds I was able ro see a clear and rational perspective and view things objectivity. Things felt possible again.
I used the substance and its effects of being able to systematically go about planning and carrying out the necessary steps to break out of the homelessness loop id found myself in.
I've now since then never developed psychosis or symptoms of and respond badly to antipsychotics and never experienced any rages, delusions OD grandeur or been inclined to or engaged in the much publicized risky sex as ice takes away my want or enjoyment of being affectionate or tactile - it makes me focussed and practical - wanting to achieve things I can't in my usual state .
Most people I know who are addicted to ice have truama. Mine is; complex/childhood trauma.
I've read that as the catalyst events to CPTSD happened at a young age, people with CPTSD's brains actually develop diffeently as a result and grow to function in fear mode, generating hypervigilence, insomnia, scanning for fear from a accentuated amygdala activity which is responsible for 'fight or flight' responses. this chronic state means you're flooded with cortisole and adrenaline most of the time which means you're very vulnerable to substance abuse and addiction which can lead to developing what sounds like serotonin syndrome: rages, chronic anxiety, constipation)
I would have thought that as CPTSD means I live everyday with adrenaline and cortisole among other things pumping through my system most of the time that tge last thing os respond well to wotld be a drug that hugely increases the rapid production of those things !? I'm desperate to understand why this happens and if there is anyone out there whose had a similar experirnce, has answers as to why or has anykind of alternative treatments or insights into this ???!
Please try not to cast aspirsions - We have enough fearmongering generated by the government, media, and health services which is perpetrated by the general public whose only source of information on the subject is the aforementioned services. here in Melbourne, Australia we are apparently having an ice epidemic though its actually in a government manipulated drought and this has meant that what os being sold is not methamphetamines but hybrids of cutters and things like phenelephrine..methamphetamines have been around for about 15 years and purity and numbers of addicts has decreased.
Missinformation and illinformed clichè psychological and physical effects of the drug and dangerous judgmental attitudes of service staff as well as a complete disregard for harm mininusstion or insights meaning most service workers refuse to learn, listen or provide adequate response and care. This has consumed most AOD related areas of all forms of media including the internet.
But nowhere that focuses on a genuinely helpful source of information and shared experiences for those who don't experience the ice addiction stereotype and don't therefore respond to its associated treatment options and 'information or help' offered of which is scarce as it is.
But there is no harm reduction focused support or information anywhere for those who want to share experiences to understand what's going on for their bodies and brains and inform and empower themselves to stay as safe as possible. Instead our willpower Is eroded;' and the vital information, that validates and helps you to accept your reality and feel less vulnerable goes unacknowledged.
I am not promoting my experience nor endorse the drug but I am desperate to understand it and find some actual help.
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