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Has anyone ever confronted their past abuser?

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by No Name, Oct 20, 2017.

  1. hodge

    hodge I'm a VIP Premium Member

    I remember later that night trying to go to sleep on my bed, where he was when the police got him. Ugh.

    Sometimes I wonder how I'm still alive.

    And then sometimes I wonder why I still keep remembering this crap.
    bento likes this.
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  3. bento

    bento Active Member

    I am so sorry you had to go through that. Thank god your family was there and police
    came and got him.
    hodge likes this.
  4. ineedtoheal

    ineedtoheal Guest

    A family member literally went straight to his grave, i believe due to a 'guilty conscience' for what he had done over so many years, to quite a few family members. Due to my age and what took place, i think i am grateful that no confrontation took place.
    Later & when older, another abuser turned up at my work when i was pregnant with my first child, i remember going into shock, a sense of terror & feeling violently sick while just trying to act normal and pretend like nothing had happened. When i got home, i was shaking and overwhelmed with disgust, i remember feeling frightened & panicked that he had somehow found a way to infiltrate my life, for quite a few weeks later, i became a nervous wreck when leaving work, checking the street to see if he was lurking nearby. It had been by that stage over 10 years since i had seen him, of which i had buried very deep injuries, humiliation, shame with the sexual abuse. However it was the start of understanding why i had at times been promiscuous & probably slightly self destructive. The birth of my first child and family life, helped me to forget, but then this predator turned up again at my next job, the feeling was intense and overwhelming - and whereas the first time i had still felt powerless against him, this second time maybe due to motherly instinct, and the fact that it felt like he was stalking me (making numerous trips to try and convince me to have a coffee with him) & that my work colleagues were questioning who he was due to his odd/strange behaviour (referring to him as creepy and sinister) i became enraged. I contacted his friend & left a message on his answering service telling him that his mate, 'was no friend at all, that he was actually a very sick & evil man who had serious problems' and that the message was for him to tell his friend to leave me alone or i would report him. I did not hear anything more from either of them, until i began to advocate and speak out about domestic violence and then i saw both of them following on social media under fake profiles - one of them, i asked why they were using a 'fake name' to which they tried to say they had no idea what i was talking about - if the photos weren't of them, then all i can tell you is that there was something in those faces that reminded me of one of my perpetrators and this time it brought terrible trauma back. I think the realisation of how much abuse actually happens within a life, how the patterns repeat, and how we seem to be a magnet to attract the narcissists & the evil back into our lives. I can tell you that it was enough to put me back into therapy, how i then started to have night terrors again, body shaking, intense flashbacks, paranoia of being hurt again, thinking that everyone was the enemy & horrendous pain! A pain that you question can't be a physical thing because it is not being inflicted at that moment of time, but an incredible, deeply routed pain that has been trapped & hidden remarkably well, somewhere in the body & the mind for a very long time - horrible, horrible stuff, only now you can't deny it anymore and it just won't seem to go away. I have come to understand that from disclosure to acceptance takes a long time and is in itself a remarkable journey of resilience, endurance & the holding on of faith.
    My last abuser, i had to confront last year in court, after he had again terrorised and traumatised us with his abuse and violent behaviour, before entering for the hearing, we were called to the bar to verify our presence to the Judge, after i had confirmed the need to continue proceedings and was walking out of the chambers, my perpetrator was called in to do the same and we literally nearly collided with each other - after so many years of trying to just keep it together, walking on eggshells, being frightened, living on my nerves, i felt this incredible anger well up inside me, I saw everything he had done to myself and the children & had to fight the feeling to want to do the same back, if a policeman had been beside me i think i would have probably reached for his gun! Abuse murders a soul. It is a crime, a violation, the disease they inflict with intention to destroy a life
    bento and hodge like this.
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