Hi all -
I wasn't sure which section this should go in!
I'm having a really hard time right now. Normally when I have a hard time (in the past year or so) I can make choices to adjust and increase the self care and subsequently decrease the anxiety.
Right now, however, nothing seems to be working! I feel like I'm trapped in a huge mess of my life and will never be able to get out of it. Here are my top stressors:
1) My master's thesis which is incomplete. I was supposed to turn it in next week but had a MEGA breakdown this weekend and decided to extend into the summer. I feel like it was a good decision - the best decision I could make right now. My stomach is still in the biggest knot about it though.
2) My job. Is a very stressful one. But nothing is happening more stressful than normal, and yet I feel paralyzed by stress and anxiety. The more paralyzed I am, the less I get done, the more anxious I get. All the reports from people around me are that I'm doing good, there is no reason to fear for anything and to take my job less seriously. People who are HIGH above me are saying this to my face. It seems to just bounce off me and I can't shake my dread. I wish someone would just fire me so I could rest and relax for a minute.
3) Someone I deeply trust and respect confronted me about losing weight and beginning to tip over into unhealthy-skinny realm of appearance. I had anorexia ages ago but worked so hard to correct the imbalance. I don't intentionally restrict or purge at all and I don't weigh myself, and I'm not obsessed with food. But, see the above two situations - I have a hard time hearing hunger and remembering that I need food when I am in a state of severe anxiety. Hence the intervention, I guess. So I emailed and got set up with two support groups and will also have a private consultation with an eating disorder psychologist just to check in and see what support options I have available. This is good, right? Yet the knot in my stomach remains.
4) My therapist is going on vaca out of the country for two weeks. Perfect timing right? I have the name and number of the person who is covering for her but when on earth am I going to call a complete stranger for support?? However, I did reach out to schedule a double session for tonight - our last night before her break.
5) Because of all of the above I made an appt with my psychiatrist to check in about my meds and see if she thinks an adjustment or new med will help. I took off work (anxiety inducing) to make the only opening she had today and she called to cancel this morning. I can't take off work again - this was my "emergency scenario sick day" and I rearranged three meetings at work. Because of how the geography of everything is arranged and the timing, I STILL won't be able to go to work. I will now have to wait for her to have an evening opening which could be weeks.
I'm trying so hard! And still feel like a crazy person. My anxiety is out of control. I don't what else I can possibly do. Thoughts???
I wasn't sure which section this should go in!
I'm having a really hard time right now. Normally when I have a hard time (in the past year or so) I can make choices to adjust and increase the self care and subsequently decrease the anxiety.
Right now, however, nothing seems to be working! I feel like I'm trapped in a huge mess of my life and will never be able to get out of it. Here are my top stressors:
1) My master's thesis which is incomplete. I was supposed to turn it in next week but had a MEGA breakdown this weekend and decided to extend into the summer. I feel like it was a good decision - the best decision I could make right now. My stomach is still in the biggest knot about it though.
2) My job. Is a very stressful one. But nothing is happening more stressful than normal, and yet I feel paralyzed by stress and anxiety. The more paralyzed I am, the less I get done, the more anxious I get. All the reports from people around me are that I'm doing good, there is no reason to fear for anything and to take my job less seriously. People who are HIGH above me are saying this to my face. It seems to just bounce off me and I can't shake my dread. I wish someone would just fire me so I could rest and relax for a minute.
3) Someone I deeply trust and respect confronted me about losing weight and beginning to tip over into unhealthy-skinny realm of appearance. I had anorexia ages ago but worked so hard to correct the imbalance. I don't intentionally restrict or purge at all and I don't weigh myself, and I'm not obsessed with food. But, see the above two situations - I have a hard time hearing hunger and remembering that I need food when I am in a state of severe anxiety. Hence the intervention, I guess. So I emailed and got set up with two support groups and will also have a private consultation with an eating disorder psychologist just to check in and see what support options I have available. This is good, right? Yet the knot in my stomach remains.
4) My therapist is going on vaca out of the country for two weeks. Perfect timing right? I have the name and number of the person who is covering for her but when on earth am I going to call a complete stranger for support?? However, I did reach out to schedule a double session for tonight - our last night before her break.
5) Because of all of the above I made an appt with my psychiatrist to check in about my meds and see if she thinks an adjustment or new med will help. I took off work (anxiety inducing) to make the only opening she had today and she called to cancel this morning. I can't take off work again - this was my "emergency scenario sick day" and I rearranged three meetings at work. Because of how the geography of everything is arranged and the timing, I STILL won't be able to go to work. I will now have to wait for her to have an evening opening which could be weeks.
I'm trying so hard! And still feel like a crazy person. My anxiety is out of control. I don't what else I can possibly do. Thoughts???