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Relationship He Blindsided Me

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I dunno what to do. I feel like my world is collapsing. My vet was on vacation in Florida and got word that his cabin in Colorado caught fire in the kitchen so now he's on his way there to assess damages. He was offered a job there out of the blue as well with the fire department (he's a fireman now as well)...he told me he's considering taking it. He said he's confused, having nightmares,not sleeping, his daughter is going through a lot, he doesn't think he can handle my 3 boys, he cant be what I need, so much is happening all at once. I heard all of this the last 24 hours. He said we have to take a huge step back and now he's gonna be in Colorado for a month dealing with his cabin and considering this new job (which by the way if he takes won't be for a year). He lives in Tn now and were 4 hours apart and is doable with my boys visitations to their father but him moving to Colorado completely shuts the door on us. He says he doesn't know what he wants and can he call me when he gets back from CO but he already said he can't handle my boys so what is there left to talk about? He admits to being really stressed and confused right now. I just dunno if he really cared for me why would that job be in consideration because he is nowhere near hard up for money. I begged him to just say "I don't want you anymore" but all I got was "I'm confused"....what am I suppose to do? The man just said he didn't think he was capable to take on my kids and he's never said that in the 2 1/2 years I've known him and yet he is still texting me as well...I'm just lost right now.
 
Well if the job wouldn't be for a year anyway, why are you panicking? Don't let this one incident decide everything, try to be patient. And allow him the freedom to make the decision for himself -- you may not know what his reasons are, but he has a right to consider this new job if he thinks it would make him happy. I have no idea why he would say he can't handle your boys, I don't know your history with him. But you wil drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why he would say that when in all honesty, he himself probably doesn't know why he said it. I realize you are confused and I can sympathize but at the same time it seems like you are fixating on this and obsessing over it in a very unhealthy way. Nothing is final yet, nothing has been decided. Try not to break down just because things MIGHT change. Because that will just make the situation worse, and right now you have nothing to go on but panic. And that's just not good for anybody.
 
I imagine the fire and destruction of his property blindsided him too. Glad TN was convenient for you, but he is right to assess his damages and what is best for him, if it coincides or is convenient or not with your arrangement for visitation isn't really an issue. I think you are being seriously over involved in his personal affairs and not for the best of reasons.... it seems to be how it affects you, not his own well being. "I'm confused" is a much healthier mental standpoint than for instance "begging someone to say "I don't want you anymore".

Separate your issues. Really. I absolutely do not doubt that he doesn't think he can be what you need. Tall order.
 
It's hard to say anything with not knowing your history or his together but any relationship he gets into is bound to have kids involved and as a man he needs to buck up!!! He sounds under extreme stress with all that's happening and may just be focused on advancing his career and forgetting that a relationship is a priority also. I would figure out what YOU want; do you want him or not. If so be supportive and caring about his stress and decisions and let him know you'd like to continue. If not there are lotsa fish in the sea. You can come up with a success plan if he says it's over like plan a trip with a friend or dinner outings or parties with friends or somethings to make your self feel better but I agree with the above posts; it's still early to be overwhelmed. You can only do your best. God bless the rest. Take care!!!!
 
Thank you @Kailani and @Casey_03 . I think the initial shock wore off and his happiness is very important to me as I know mine is to him to. He's a wonderful man and I am giving him the space to make the decision and sort through some of his confusion that he's going through.
 
as a man he needs to buck up!!!

"Buck up".....? I respectfully disagree. I hope that as a supporter you read a lot more of the info here on the forum so that you can see that PTSD isn't about "bucking up". This statement is akin to "pulling oneself up by their bootstraps".....essentially something we can NOT do. (If we could, we all would have healed ourselves a long, long time ago. )
 
Not meaning to offend anyone, especially anyone with PTSD. What I was trying to convey is that the reality is that there will probably be kids involved in most relationships and regardless of having PTSD. Lots of people with PTSD have children and learn ways of handling it. Sorry, Buck up weren't the right words- meant more the reality is...
 
I second @itsKismet. My vet cannot handle my daughter. She has high functioning autism and triggers him unintentionally. This affects her negatively as well. If either of them could just "buck up" there would be no issue. As both of them have physical changes in the brain which affect their behaviour its impossible for either of them to do that.

the reality is...

In my case, the reality is that my vet and my daughter cannot live in the same house. In fact, we live interstate. Its best for all involved.

@Thunderstorm - it may be that your vet is simply overwhelmed right now because of the fire. But think about what he is saying. Maybe 3 boys is more stress than he can cope with. Maybe it would be better for your boys not to have to deal with a PTSD sufferer. All things worth considering.
 
He and I had talked about my children many times and he seemed fine and happy. He's never given me any indication until now that he might not be. He admits to being very stressed. He feels we deserve better and he worries about parenting where he isolates. He doesn't wanna hurt them. He does great with his daughter. I considered his ptsd with my kids and I felt as he and I discussed based on those discussions that he would be a great step father. He beats himself up a lot . I said to him if that's how you feel then we don't really have anything left to say I don't suppose. He said when he returns from Colorado in 3 weeks were gonna sit down and have a heart to heart and make the best decisions for all of us. He says he cares for me very much and doesn't want to let me go. He's being very affectionate to me and says he can't wait to get home to hug me. I respect his right to evaluate taking on 3 kids but were almost 3 years in and it's never been an issue until just recently.So I'm not sure if it's stress and being overwhelmed or what.
 
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