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He Has Pushed Away Family and Friends

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by sarah, Sep 12, 2006.

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  1. sarah

    sarah New Member

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    My Husband has ptsd, in the past he has always had his family close to him meaning his parents. Just in the past 6 months we bought a brand new home and the inlaws were living w/ us for maybe 3 months(while their condo was being built)...My husband had a really bad outburst w/ me and the baby a few months ago...(kind of complex story) I had to call the cops and everything. He blamed everything that provoked him to have this crazy outburst on his parents, made them pack all their stuff and leave that night and has not made things right with them ever since. We went from talking to them everyday to not talking to them at all (my husbands choice). They are good people and want to help their son...but now I am kind of the only person that can help my husband. We have a 1 year old son. My husband doesn't want to have anything to do w/ his parents (they were always aware of his condition and always encouraged him to get some help..but he didn't listen) I want him to get help soooo bad. I feel stuck in the middle of everything and at the same time he has already started to push me away also..I feel like that only thing that keeps him going is our son....I feel lost...I will be going to get help for me and our marriage, and I will be asking for advise about what to do....I have to stay strong for our son...Is there anyone else out there that has had to deal w/ this kind of stuff????Im 25 years old and feel so frustrated and confused.:eek:
     
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  3. Rachealjane

    Rachealjane New Member

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    Hi Sarah,
    my GP told me recently that i suffer from PTSD, and i have been suffering for over 6 years, but only found out this is what i was suffering from a few months ago. since i have moved a year ago now, i just feel like hiding from others, dont want to talk to anyone not even my best friend or mother. I also do not show my partner affection anymore, and yet, I really do love him very much,and he is always asking because of my lack of affection towards him he feels i do not love or like him anymore, which is really not the case at all. this is a very strong character of a PTSD symptom in my case - withdrawing from others, including our own partners. TIME AND SPACE unfortunately! you must try be very pateint.

    Everyone is different, try and talk to him and find out what is really going on in his head. i usually say anything to my partner to get him of my case, my partner has to pry softly - then i tell really whats wrong.

    I hope this has helped a little

    Racheal x
     
  4. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Sarah,

    Welcome to the forum. Hard place for you, as you and your son must have also had a pretty good relationship with your in-laws. A couple of things to help you put this in perspective:

    -He will push everyone away if he can, PTSD does that and it takes a lot of resilience from the spouse to deal with that. I won't lie to you, it hurts, its bs and it will take a while until things get better. A lot of that will depend on how willing he is to seek help for himself.

    -Just because he has pushed his parents away doesn't mean YOU have to lose their support nor should you son lose his grandparents. If your relationship with them is amicable then please re-establish the communication lines for yours and bubby's benefit. If your husband chooses not to, thats his issue and not yours. I am not encouraging you to be deceitful about it (those with PTSD struggle with trust), tell your husband up front (when he is in a reasonable mood) that you need their support right now and your son needs his grandparents. Don't let him bully you into not seeking help from them, their support will be invaluable to you. Please take my word on this.

    -If his parents were responsible last time, who will it be next time? YOU, and you will continue (according to him) to be the source of his problems, bad mood, withdrawal etc until he gets out of this self-denial or you challenge him on it.

    -Take care of you and your son first. By all means encourage him (no nagging allowed) to seek help, even drop counselling numbers on his desk but take of you guys first. Just because they can't talk doesn't mean babies don't feel the stress. If he becomes abusive or violent in any way, take the baby and get the hell out of there. Your priority has to be you and your son. Don't let yourself go down my path of self guilt and self-blame, because you cannot fix his behaviour and you are not responsible for it. Do what you have to in order to keep both of you safe.

    -Good idea to get counselling for you but make sure that the person is experienced in dealing with PTSD. They will be of little help to you otherwise. As for the marriage......don't be surprised if he a. either won't go to counselling because he can't see anything wrong with the marriage or b. will go but reluctantly........the outcome will be the same. No real change.

    Yes, I have been where you are now. I've seen a fair bit of what PTSD has to offer and its horrible for both parties. He needs help and you need support. Taking care of yourself and your little one will make you feel better an lessen the tension at home a little bit. Your husband is the only person who can make the steps to heal. No amount of wishing or frustration on your behalf will change that, it will just make it worse for you. Please have a look around the forum and you will find answers to some of the questions that are bugging you. Keep posting here, ask questions, vent, scream, whatever the hell you have to if it will make you feel better.
     
  5. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Rachealjane,

    Welcome to the forum. Thankyou for giving the perspective from the person who has PTSD. It really helps the spouses to understand, and learn strategies to manage rather than fight what they can't change. Thanks again.
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Welcome to the forum Sarah and Racheal.
     
  7. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Sarah, what I am about to say is hard, harsh but realistic when dealing with PTSD. Besides that you need to look after you and bub first, your husband has an illness that he fails to admit he needs treatment and help for. If he loves you, and loves your child, then you have a drawcard if you want to pull and use to force him into help. Force is a strong word, and using yourself or child as bait is another, but the facts with uncontrolled PTSD is, we need to be pushed taking the initial steps.

    I will say, obviously this type of tactic comes with risks, where he might let you both go... but by giving him options first, ie. get help or where both out of here (and provide an appointment already booked for him), then he might just pull his finger out and get help to save himself, save his relationship, and save his family.
     
  8. sarah

    sarah New Member

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    You all amaze me

    Thank You Rachael, Kerrie-Ann, and Anthony,
    You all have giving me some great advise...I will give it a little time and then try the suggestions you gave me. I feel empowered chatting w/ you all...me and baby come first.
     
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