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He never touched me

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J

Jimo

between the ages of 15 and 16 I was living with my aunt and her husband. He never actually touched me, but he would expose himself in front of me and then come eat dinner as though nothing happened. When my aunt would leave the car he would point he mirror down while exposing himself. Lastly, he came to a room I was sitting on the floor in fixing something on the bed and took his clothes off while sticking he penis in front of my face, that's when I made a dash for the door and ran hateful across few blocks till I found my aunt. I don't know how to describe these events and the fact that I had to live with my aunt at the time and I had nowhere else to go, until a few distant cousins volunteered to take me. I don't know how to describe this in therapy as it wasn't sexual abuse per se as he never really touched me...
 
No question @OP, 100%.

Look in a mirror, straight into your own eyes, and say "I WAS sexually abused"

The second guessing of yourself needs to stop....many of us do that for DECADES.

Facing it allows the healing to begin.

Peace:hug:
 
Thank you ! I appreciate your comments.

I guess it doesn't help that at the time my aunt told me to stop acting like I got raped :(.

It's hard to explain the emotional toll it took on me week after week until I finally spoke out. So it's more of an emotional abuse. Also, it didn't help that I had to keep living with them while he screamed and kept threatening to kill us.

When I was 12 for instance a guy grabbed my breasts while I was walking, but when I think of that incident it didn't affect me all even though I was touched. I was angry but didn't affect me.

It's so so hard to fit these things in. How do I explain the fear I lived with day after day that I would be raped, or the shame I felt? The psychological abuse he would push on me was I guess even harder. But yet I was never touched so I feel guilty to fully bring this up in therapy. What if she says to get over myself?
 
What if she says to get over myself?

Any decent therapist would never say that.

I understand having a hard time telling your therapist stuff. I had to tell my therapist a ton of shameful embarrasing stuff. So, I completely understand.

What helped me is showing him my thread on here and letting him read it. For a while in the beginning (before this site) we would pass notes all through the session. Seriously. I couldn't speak of it. So he had me write it down for him and to make it easier he would write back. After a while he stopped writing back and just talked. It was when I was able to sit silent, looking away, and listen. After a while I was able to speak of stuff slowly but letting your therapist read the orginal post may help!
 
What if she says to get over myself?

What if she did say that? Would you tell her to f*ck off? Feel embarrassed? Burst into flames? Find a new T?

Sometimes our fears seem smaller once we speak them out loud.
 
Thanks for your suggestions. I just didn't want to make things bigger than they are. I know that there's people out there that have through way way more and I'm sure she's heard it all. I know I was really scared at the time, but it was a long time ago and I survived it. If we start talking about it, I guess it can me understand how it might have affected me in long run as I cannot link right now any of my problems directly to this experience.

And ROFL Sole your comment reminds me of someone who was talking to me when I was suicidal and she was like tell them to f*ck off. You're right sometimes the fears in our head make everything bigger.
 
Writing might have to be the best way though! You are right. I cannot look at her when in therapy. My face get super red like I am burning and my legs start shaking. Writing might be a good place to start.
 
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