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Healthy relationships

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Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
A simple question :)

How do I tell healthy (romantic) relationship?

I'm in a few months a thing that's looking out well. Like honestly well.
The issue with that is every of my super bad relationships looked that way in the beginning, too.

And this be one area I have no fricking clue where to start, so figured I'd just suck the pride up and ask in here.
 
My relationship with my husband is the only one that I have ever had where I was completely myself. All of the other ones, I tried to like their likes and be who they wanted me to be. Almost 20 years of marriage and I still enjoy him. My friend admires that I was once taking a bath and my h came in the bathroom and started fixing the cabinet drawer. Lol. That is certainly a level of comfort, “here, let me lay here naked while you use your power drill near by.”
 
Are you aware of relationship red flags?

I knew them but still chose to ignore one of them. It ended up being the downfall of the relationship.

Do you have boundaries? Does your partner have boundaries? Do you respect each other’s boundaries?
 
Although there’s no simple answer, a good relationship is if communication is always open and first. I found that being a supporter means I have to listen more than I speak; that’s why God gave me two ears and one mouth. I also learned that boundaries are so extemely important to maintain expectations in a relationship. I also learned that my sufferer needs space sometimes and that’s now ok with me. I’ve said before, my hats off to all sufferers and supporters for being able to co-exist and make their relationship work. I myself have suffered a break up along with isolation and that’s been eating me up inside. I wish you the very best with what sounds like it could be a beautiful relationship.
 
Hmm... I don't know that I'm the best person to give advice but given given I've been thinking a lot about relationships of late, I'll utter some nonsense.

Some things I think I will ask myself if I get in another relationship

How does this person treat other people? Is this person treating others the way you would want to be treated, in that sort of relationship (friend, business, etc)
Are there things that you are ignoring and excusing in this person? (For example, they never call me, I always have to call them... but I know they have a lot going on right now). If so, why are you ignoring or excusing that behavior?
Can you talk about the relationship? Can you tell the person if there's things you need or don't like?

ok, those are my utterances. Good luck.
 
In my experience there is no way -in the beginning- to tell if a relationship is healthy.

People are complicated.

And a healthy relationship? Is an interconnected web of experiences; actions, reactions, interactions; moments, patterns, history, plans; personalities & situations; & so much more... that simply aren’t there in the beginning. Like a spider weaving a web, or a composer writing a piece of music you’ve only got a few lines to look at. Early days.

There ARE almost countless ways -from day 1- to tell an unhealthy relationship.

There ARE almost countless ways -from day 1- to tell a relationship that is wrong for you.

Differentiating those 2 because many -if not most- of the best people I’ve ever known? Aren’t people I could date. Amazing people, brilliant friendships, but we’d be all wrong (mostly wrong, just a tiny bit wrong, but it’s an IMPORTANT tiny bit, wrong right now, etc.) for each other as lovers.

Just because a relationship wouldn’t work, or is tried and doesn’t work, doesn’t mean the other person (or ourselves) is some kind of f*cked up asshole. Or abusive. Or anything else, inherently. We’re just written in different keys of music, playing at different tempos, you know? An unhealthy relationship can come from a lot of different places. Sure, absolutely, sometimes it’s because the person we’re dating is a cock juggling thunderc*nt, or an abusive asshole of the worst kind. But -in my experience- most people aren’t wrong, they’re just wrong for us.

...

So, for me? How to tell a healthy relationship = time.

Including not staying in a relationship that’s wrong for US, no matter how otherwise healthy it may appear. Or honestly is. A relationship can be healthy, not just appear healthy, but still wrong for us. Over time? IME That becomes an unhealthy relationship. But it takes time to happen, so I’ve got time to see, when I’m uncertain.

Time both instructs, and alters. Webs have to be rebuilt, music has to change, in order to remain healthy. So it’s a fluid and adaptive thing.

...

Just some of what I’ve learned so far.

:sneaky: <grin> And congratulations, by the by. :D
 
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