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Held Hostage In Relationship

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anonymous

MyPTSD Pro
So, as the title says... And this is my first time coming out about this.

I'm in a relationship with a person that was raped recently and I also have PTSD. So, sorta having to push both the role of supporter while being a sufferer. As can probably be guessed, not doing well... Not much of the element of mutual support and stuff, and I don't feel as though there is much understanding for me in the relationship.

It's not a really stable relationship. But, the problem is, I cannot get out, because of the fear of her doing something seriously bad to herself. Last time I started going towards anything like that, I had to look at plenty of cutting, and her even sending me pictures of where she cut and so on. Mainly feels like a net I'm being wrapped more and more into... And the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to break free.

Now, it wouldn't be such a huge problem if I wanted to stay in the relationship fully, but the problem is, I sorta don't want to be in a relationship with her. I mean, I love you, but not much, I just care a lot about what will happen. And for the reasons above, I am not even trying to get out anymore, but it's going too long.

I do not want to be in the relationship, I want to be free, and this just makes me feel bad...

Anyone who had/has similar situations or can help in any way?
 
I would suggest you both get therapy if you are not already. I agree that sending you pictures of her cutting herself is emotional blackmail. If you're concerned about her I would suggest trying to get her some good counseling. That will help her a lot more than forcing you to stay in a relationship with her. I have also gone through emotional blackmail. I found the book Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward helpful.
 
sending me pictures of where she cut

Thats a manipulation tatic. Ive done that...not realizing that I was manipulating, or trying to anyway. For me it was an abandonment thing but unrealized manipulation nonetheless.

As a cutter and someone with PTSD & BPD, Id say do not let her manipulate you into thinking that you are the reason she is cutting. She is cutting as a bad coping mechisism, period. It has nothing to do with you specifically, she's express her hurt but you are not repsonsible for her and her pain, she is.
 
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That sounds like a horrible place to be. I hear that you're not ready to leave yet which makes me wonder what would need to happen for you to be ready? She's "holding you hostage", cutting and threatening herself to control you and doesn't have space for your stuff. I'm wondering what you do get out of the relationship and would suggest that feeling needed can be a powerful motivator for staying in a bad place.

When you are ready, leave, block her number, cut all ties and let her take responsibility for her own behaviours including her self destructive bits.
 
@Suzetig
I do not really see what I get from the relationship, a huge amount of our communication I just act emotions and similar how it should be, but the main reason I'm in it is the mentioned stuff she could do to herself. She even had a suicide attempt when I started talking less to her.

I guess I'm simply not brave enough to cut the cord, I can sorta imagine it as situation in which I'm hanging off a cliff, on a too weak cord, and she is the one under me on the cord, and basically, the cord cannot handle us both, and I have a knife and the option to cut the rope under me, but I cannot muster the courage to do it
 
@Junebug
She might be loving me a lot, but I don't really love her that much :( Would be a lot easier if I did.

I'm not meaning in a way I don't care about her, but usually, when I love someone, they also make me feel safe, and in this case, no such thing

@Mytime
Well, I guess I'm just used to having a full cup a lot of the time
 
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