DreamLover
Learning
Hello to all on this forum.
I signed up to this website about two and a half years ago but have been inactive. Suffice it to say that while I've learned a few new positive behaviors since, my PTSD is still as all-encompassing and debilitating now as it was then.
I've experienced several traumas. I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother and stepfather, and sexually groomed and abused by my father (one experience of physical contact that I remember). Growing up (ages 11/12 - ~20) I experienced many instances of sexual abuse from both peers and older men. I was in two abusive relationships, one at 20-21, the second from 24-27. The second relationship affected me much more deeply as we lived together and I felt truly trapped and under surveillance the whole time with that person. I attempted suicide at age nineteen. I've had several abortions as well.
My life has been much more stable since I moved in with my now husband almost three years ago, but I am plagued by this condition. I do not trust anyone, even friends I've had since childhood, and I always expect the worst. I feel intense social anxiety, am chronically depressed and anxious, and am recently sober, as for over half of my life I relied upon drugs and alcohol to help assuage my intense negative feelings. I've attempted therapy many, many times, including (most recently) EMDR which was just too intense for me. Sometimes it feels like nothing will ever help.
Anyway, I look forward to learning from all of you here. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm so glad this community exists.
DL
I signed up to this website about two and a half years ago but have been inactive. Suffice it to say that while I've learned a few new positive behaviors since, my PTSD is still as all-encompassing and debilitating now as it was then.
I've experienced several traumas. I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother and stepfather, and sexually groomed and abused by my father (one experience of physical contact that I remember). Growing up (ages 11/12 - ~20) I experienced many instances of sexual abuse from both peers and older men. I was in two abusive relationships, one at 20-21, the second from 24-27. The second relationship affected me much more deeply as we lived together and I felt truly trapped and under surveillance the whole time with that person. I attempted suicide at age nineteen. I've had several abortions as well.
My life has been much more stable since I moved in with my now husband almost three years ago, but I am plagued by this condition. I do not trust anyone, even friends I've had since childhood, and I always expect the worst. I feel intense social anxiety, am chronically depressed and anxious, and am recently sober, as for over half of my life I relied upon drugs and alcohol to help assuage my intense negative feelings. I've attempted therapy many, many times, including (most recently) EMDR which was just too intense for me. Sometimes it feels like nothing will ever help.
Anyway, I look forward to learning from all of you here. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm so glad this community exists.
DL