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Sufferer Hello All

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DreamLover

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Hello to all on this forum.

I signed up to this website about two and a half years ago but have been inactive. Suffice it to say that while I've learned a few new positive behaviors since, my PTSD is still as all-encompassing and debilitating now as it was then.

I've experienced several traumas. I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother and stepfather, and sexually groomed and abused by my father (one experience of physical contact that I remember). Growing up (ages 11/12 - ~20) I experienced many instances of sexual abuse from both peers and older men. I was in two abusive relationships, one at 20-21, the second from 24-27. The second relationship affected me much more deeply as we lived together and I felt truly trapped and under surveillance the whole time with that person. I attempted suicide at age nineteen. I've had several abortions as well.

My life has been much more stable since I moved in with my now husband almost three years ago, but I am plagued by this condition. I do not trust anyone, even friends I've had since childhood, and I always expect the worst. I feel intense social anxiety, am chronically depressed and anxious, and am recently sober, as for over half of my life I relied upon drugs and alcohol to help assuage my intense negative feelings. I've attempted therapy many, many times, including (most recently) EMDR which was just too intense for me. Sometimes it feels like nothing will ever help.

Anyway, I look forward to learning from all of you here. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm so glad this community exists.

DL
 
I'm so sorry all this has happened to you. You are not alone. I too suffered at the hands of family members as a child and felt trapped by a live-in abuser in my adulthood. I also attempted suicide, but at a much later age. (I am in my mid 60s now and I was in my mid-40s then).

I ran away from my abusive live-in boyfriend finally after 16 tries. I finally moved 625 miles away from him to a place I knew he could never survive in, and I am alone now, no boyfriend.

I was married to a wonderful man for 23 years in between the two abusers, but I just don't trust men enough to ever get involved with another one again now. 2 out of 3 is just one too many for me to take a 4th chance. So I admire your bravery in being married now.

You will find many friends here on this Forum. Take your time, tell us what you feel comfortable with telling us when you feel comfortable about it. You will find healing here.

Well done on being sober, I pray you can remain so!
 
Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this place helps you. It's very useful because of the bulk amount of people who feel similar and understand. There is a lot of advice and support to be found here :) I hope that this amazing community helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and learning a lot along the way. Hugs if you accept :hug:
 
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