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Sufferer Hello, Anybody Else Terrified Of Asking For Support?

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Mari

Learning
Hello.

So nervous making this post. Battling with the old message that I'm not worthy and won't be accepted, that my issues aren't serious, that I won't be liked. Terrified of being rejected and abandoned.

Hard not to make a joke at this point, my go-to defense mechanism.

I have CPTSD from childhood abuse. Bullying at work. Had my whole life turned upside down in 2010. Have been abandoned and abused by my family in response in a way I would have never thought possible before this all started. I am not married and have no children. My day-to-day is trying to cope with this all alone. I have three good friends I can talk to, but they are very busy and I really hesitate to talk to them because I don't want to flood them with my stuff and have them decide maybe I'm not worth it. I have lived with the terror of having no money and the very real prospect of ending up in a homeless shelter. I am able to work now, but I still dissociate all through my shifts. I get no sleep. I've been fighting for so long and I just don't think I can do it anymore.

I feel like I have been walking around with so much now for years and years and doing my best to cope and put on a good face. I am realizing that I cannot do this alone and that finding trustworthy support is critical. Of course, I've also been taught so many times that I can't trust anyone. So, that's a crap double-bind to be in, desperately needing what is absolutely terrifying.

So I guess I'm putting my toe in the water. Holding my breath. Fighting the urge to be self-effacing and apologize for being so terrified to ask for support.

Anyway, hello.
 
Hello.

So nervous making this post. Battling with the old message that I'm not worthy and won't be accept...

Welcome to our group, you will find wonderful friends in this group that can truly understand your challenges because we all face the exact same challenges.

I usually attempt to solve my own issues and I pride myself doing that. When I got PTSD due to gang stalking I did not know where to turn and found out that the very people I asked to help turned out to be even worse predators than the original criminal that started it all.

I have thought a long time about why some victims do not like to ask for help and when I saw that you listed childhood abuse it resonated with me. Because when we are little children, totally helpless, reliant on the help of a parent and then that parent instead of protecting you with his or her life will actually abuse you and/or accept the abuse of the other partner then the child and the victim in later life has learned that when they ask for help that it will not happen. When a parent abuses their little helpless child they set that child up for a lifetime of distorted views of parenting, partnerships, and rightful expectations which results in an adult that accepts and endures similar abuse later in life without complaining.

Stay with this group and you will be able to travel with us and encounter others with the exact same challenges and you will learn a whole lot about yourself and you will totally understand yourself which is a wonderful gift.

I was very fortunate that a very brave and compassionate human being noticed my suffering and was the only person that helped me, the only one that I did not ask for help stepped up and showed the so called professionals and experts what it means to do the right thing. Wonderful
 
Thank you, Ronin and Freedomfighter. I want to add that I am now off to work and so won't be able to respond to this thread right away, but I thank you all in advance.
 
Hello, @Mari I am so glad you reached out here also!

I am recently back after being away for a long while, but I know that this platform has been critical in helping me. It gives me a good sense that I am not alone, and you aren't either. I am proud of you for reaching out because I know how hard it is, I probably should have reached out sooner but like you I struggle with this. The people here have always had different perspectives and great insights when I needed it, they have also been kind and excepting when I needed that also.
I welcome you here in hopes that this platform provides some relief for you in one way or another.
Keep fighting! Stay Golden!
 
True courage is being afraid and doing it anyway.... so, you are being very courageous to take the risk that you will not be heard.. I feel almost everyone here listens even harder than normal people because we have spent our lives not being heard..
you are not alone... we all in one form or another will relate to you and support and help where we can....
very proud of you for taking the risk .... we HEARD you..... happy you are here.
 
So much of your post sounds familiar to me, having grown up in a toxic/PTSD-causing family.

It's not just one person to forgive. And that is not even possible given what even one did.

There are layers of wounding to heal. Be very patient with yourself. It's a long road of healing, but there is healing, which is good, and there is no other positive option. Denial is not healing. Staying stuck in the yuck is no good. That's how they all want us to be, so powerless.

Taking that first step in opening up to healing and sharing is brave and powerful. Welcome.
 
Echoing @ladee . I can't relate personally to everything you've been through, but I don't have to have walked in your shoes to hear your heart. I always say that 1 hurting heart recognizes another. I hear fear in your post. Your voice is wobbly but sure. You know what you want even if it means taking ANOTHER risk. This time you've found a safe place to take that risk and we all welcome you. We've all done it... we're here right? We need support. We need listening ears. People who hear what we're not saying. Hard to find that in the work place.

Please be real with us and welcome to the forum.
 
Hello @Mari and welcome to the forum.

I can relate to you as I have cPTSD from child abuse...I am a survivor of sexual child abuse and have suffered multiple traumas; bullying, abandonment, neglect, physical abuse, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse etc.,

When I first came here, I was as scared as I could be...especially of Anthony our top administrator and the creator of this site..

Each time I saw that he was online, I would log out. It freaked me out and I could barely post an introduction, but I did it anyway and have now been a member for nearly 8 years.

I have met some of the most wounded, but loving, caring, empathic, people I have ever had the pleasure of "meeting"... who respond with well thought out replies, amazing insights, and great kindness.

And they will tell me like it is at times when I need to hear the truth too, so I have come to trust and care for the members here a great deal!

It is my hope that you will stay and find that your fears diminish with time and I also hope that you will heal deeply and well!!!

Lionheart777
 
You aren't alone. Reaching out is scary. Fortunately, this site is a bit different than being "out there." This site is the one place I don't feel terrified of reaching out too. I hope you find it as supportive as I have.

Warm welcome.
 
there are times when its easier to talk to strangers because they have no hidden agenda and they cant take control from you or of you. You have nothing to lose here and everything to gain so the worst thing that can happen to you on this website is going to be positive anyway
 
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