I'm here to introduce myself. I have ptsd since I was a child because of the family I grew up in, it was very traumatic. But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm 33 years old now and finally found a job. And that always makes my fear very high (among other things that I do, but this seems to be the main topic the last few months). So the last months are going pretty bad, I seem to be in constant fear that I have done things wrong in my job, or that I've hurt people. I don't dare to rest or relax. My therapist says that it's the fear talking but it feels so real. I have these triggers and I keep falling for them. So I sought 'intrusive thoughts' up on the internet and ended on this forum. I have a very strong voice in my head that keeps telling me that I'm nothing and that I can't do anything and if I do something against that it only seems to grow stronger. The triggers in the 'now' aren't real, it has to do with feelings from my childhood that I pushed away (says my therapist). But I can't stop still believing in the triggers in the now and getting panic over that.
Anyway, I try to do mindfulness, EFT, have therapy once a week. I think I should learn to not fight against my ptsd and fears anymore. Because I hate them to be honest. I find it hard to accept. So now I'm trying to practice self compassion and read about it and meditate. Anyway, I thought maybe joining here I could get some ideas. And to be honest: I have some sweet friends who seem to understand a bit of my fear but most of them really don't. "there is no danger. Why can't you see that?" but for me it really still feels like there is danger and if I'm not on guard and relax it'll hit me so bad that I won't be able to cope... Maybe I hope to see that there are people who understand me more...
Well, that's a long introduction!!
I wish you all well,
greetings Yvy
Anyway, I try to do mindfulness, EFT, have therapy once a week. I think I should learn to not fight against my ptsd and fears anymore. Because I hate them to be honest. I find it hard to accept. So now I'm trying to practice self compassion and read about it and meditate. Anyway, I thought maybe joining here I could get some ideas. And to be honest: I have some sweet friends who seem to understand a bit of my fear but most of them really don't. "there is no danger. Why can't you see that?" but for me it really still feels like there is danger and if I'm not on guard and relax it'll hit me so bad that I won't be able to cope... Maybe I hope to see that there are people who understand me more...
Well, that's a long introduction!!
I wish you all well,
greetings Yvy