Just over two years ago I was reunited with an old friend via Facebook. I hadn't talked to her in 20 some years, anyways I went to visit her a couple hundred miles away and we clicked and have been together since. She told me upfront that she had MS and PTSD (from an abusive relationship in her late teens) as well as 4 children with slight autism. The first 8 months of our relationship was absolutely wonderful. She was the kindest, gentlest most caring compassionate woman I had ever met. Then she and her kids moved in with me and within 2 weeks she started checking out, becoming emotional distant and less affectionate. Without knowing/understanding PTSD I reacted in the completely the wrong way and blew up at her. We made up somewhat, but it has been a steady downhill ride for the last 18 months. She went to therapy for about 2 months and at first became a raving *****, then just as she settled down and things were actually getting better she quit going saying she was only going for me. Now it is to the point she is sleeping on the couch, and hides in a little girl cave she has made for herself in the basement and smokes pot with her grown daughter and her boyfriend. We haven't had sex in a couple months, no cuddling hand holding etc. She told me a couple weeks ago that ANY physical affection between us makes her so anxious she wants to puke. A couple weeks ago I found this forum and read and began to understand a lot. I also started seeing a therapist the other day. My therapist said about the only I have going for me is the fact we are not married. She also said that she wanted to meet my fiance once to get her perception of the relationship. My fiance promptly blew a gasket when I asked her. I see mention of boundaries but no real examples or definitions, but Im tired of being the whipping post for her pent up anger, Im lonely, Im depressed, I am tired of supporting her and 4 kids and getting nothing in return but anger and distance. I don't want to kick this women and 4 kids to the curb but I cant live like this. How exactly do I protect myself? What exactly is enabling? Is there a way to somehow motivate her? I fully realize that I will never have back what we had but I am to the point where I cant continue to support her parallel life (my therapist said we are living parallel lives under the same roof at my expense as she has left the relationship) at the expense of myself. I need help. Thank you.