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Hello, I'm Another One With PTSD

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Daisy, Oct 28, 2006.

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  1. Daisy

    Daisy New Member

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    Hello everyone, I’m Daisy. I just found this site and there’s a lot to look through, I sympathise with all I’ve read so far, but haven’t found any experiences similar to my own – so I’m hoping to get any advice or recognition (there’s loads of knowledge on here!)

    Nearly a year ago I was on holiday and in serious accident. I died briefly, had internal bleeding and lost my short term memory for a few weeks.
    After recovering physically I went back to work, got fired and then got sick – exhausted, headaches – but, apart from nightmares, had no emotional symptoms. Recently the mental problems have surfaced a little – panic attacks, crying fits and so on- but physically I am still very ill.

    I have an excellent therapist, who has helped me seek out the root of a lot of this, but what I don’t understand is why I feel emotionally fine most of the time. My life feels good, I’m happy and although I am far more easily stressed than before, I’m still not that stressed.

    So what’s going on? Am I so far removed from my feelings that I’ve made myself physically ill, but still feel fine? I know that my experience (although more complicated than I have written here) was nothing in comparison to some of the stories I have read here, but part of my brain just can’t seem to process it, is that because it involved death?

    Can anyone relate to this? Or am I alone in my craziness?

    I have been diagnosed with PTSD, by the way, but the doctors and therapists can’t seem to make up their minds.
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Welcome Daisy,

    What do you mean the doctors cannot make up their minds?

    As far as how you feel emotionally please look at this link from the info section. [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread1214.html[/DLMURL]

    You may not find many experiences as your own. What you will find here are others with PTSD and the similar symptoms that go with it. The physical pains, exaustion, headaches, nightmares, getting sick a lot easier... All can be traced back to PTSD and symptoms of. As can emotional detachment from the trauma.

    You may not think you are that stressed, but the body shows stress in many ways, like getting sick. Stress can cause numerous physical ailments. As in the added stress of losing a job to make symptoms flare up more as it appears from your post. You may "feel fine" because of disassociation. Not sure, we have to get to know you!

    You are not alone or unique in this and ask away. The more you ask, the more you learn. Again welcome aboard.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2015
  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Hi Daisy! Welcome aboard!

    PTSD has cycles. Sometimes your fine (well you think so anyways LOL) and sometimes your not even close to that. You are in the first year of it and are recieving theraputic help. That is a great thing and it makes a huge difference in how you react. Studies show that individuals who recieve help in the first year of PTSD have less severe symptoms and manage thier stress much better. This could explain some of the differences.

    Were you recieving (therapy) help immediatly after the events occurred? Were diagnosised with Acute Stress? Is the physical illness related to what damage was done in the accident? Was there any head injuries? What led to you being fired?

    Sorry for all the questions, it will just help me understand a little better!

    Bec
     
  5. Daisy

    Daisy New Member

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    Thank you for replies, they are very helpful. To answer questions...
    veiled:I was wrongly diagnosed with CFS for four months and I have now been referred to specialists in brain trauma. I have not seen specialists for PTSD, but two therapists, the specialist in CFS and my doctor all think I have PTSD. As you can see, I've been passed around a bit, doctors are all trying to be helpful, but no one seems too sure.
    The dissasociation link was very useful. My therapist says I have compartmentalised the accident and since childhood I've shut my brain off from bad situations (she says there is a link between some situations in childhood and my situation now). I think you are right about stress, I'm trying to learn how to really feel stuff, but I guess it will take time.
    becvan Thank you for encouraging comments! I have been very lucky with getting help - although this is partly due to me being as stubborn and persistent as a bull terrier! I got dismissed with "depression" and being weak at first, something I think might happen a lot and makes me angry.
    To answer your questions. I first started therapy about seven months after the accident, the guy was helpful in some ways, but he couldn't deal with the idea of death, sometimes it seemed he couldn't even hear what I was saying.
    I started seeing a trauma therapist seven weeks ago, she is fantastic.
    I was not diagnosed with Acute Stress, I've not heard of that. There was some damage in the accident and bad head injuries. I start to find out next week if any of this is caused by brain damage.
    I was fired because I was "no longer strong enough" and "not really worth the money". That makes me really angry. Especially since my bosses would never admit that they were firing me, after those damning commnets, they just said "We'll call you when we need you" but they didn't, this was a very small company too, so I knew both my bosses well. It made me feel totally worthless and I feel furious just writing about it.
    Sorry, I've rambled on for ages, but if you can get through it then any advice is welcome.
     
  6. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    Daisy, Welcome! Wow, glad to have you here...alive!! The first thing I want to ask is whether or not your doctors (physician) did the whole gamut of tests to make sure that you are physically well. Especially a scan of your head. First make sure you are ok there, then we can look more in depth into your emotionally hidden symptoms. Keep reading and writing and I bet more and more will come to the surface.
     
  7. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    welcome daisy,this is a great site. i love your name!
     
  8. Daisy

    Daisy New Member

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    Hello everyone, thank you for all the welcomes.
    Answer to Nam: I'm hoping that my head will get checked properly this week, then I'll know more about what is going on.
    I want to say too, that this is a great site. I've been reading a lot of the articles and advice and it's been really helpful in understanding the way I've been thinking recently, especially the one about cognitive biases. I found it shocking to have my way of thinking change suddenly, I sometimes feel like I've become someone else, and reading information that explains that (at least a little bit) is fantastic.
    The people on this site have been through so much, but still have the compassion and strength to help others - it gives me faith in the human race.
    So thank you and love to everyone.
     
  9. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Welcome aboard Daisy, glad you found us and even more glad you decided to say hi.
     
  10. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Are... slowly it seeps out. So, you had an accident last year, died briefly, which would give the diagnosis of PTSD, however; something has been raised from childhood also, in that you have been compartmentalizing your emotions for some time... maybe, or; you got exposed to a trauma during childhood which started the ball rolling for the accident to merely be the catalyst. You also now mentioned depression, hence being fired as a result of it. Your response to therapy may off saved you a little daisy... in that you are talking about it sooner than years after, however; that is depending on whether you suffered something traumatic at childhood. Did you?
     
  11. Daisy

    Daisy New Member

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    Hmm, it is weird to talk about these things with strangers...
    Firstly, I wasn't fired as a result of depression, I was physically weak because of the accident - I was a gardener, so strength was important. However, i had depression as a child (for fifteen years) and my mum was suicidally depressed, my dad is autistic - so there were some problems that my therapist has been helping me with.
    But childhood trauma I don't know. I don't remember large chunks of my childhood (even as a kid I would forget massive chunks of time, I often felt that everyone else was moving through time differently to me), so sometimes I've thought that I blocked something out.
    I stopped thinking about and worrying about things like that a few years ago - and the fact I was able to made me believe that I wasn't blocking anything. I'm a bit different, but basically happy.
    Now that I'm ill and compartmentalising the accident, I've started thinking about it again.
    Is compartmentalising something that you learn in childhood? Or is it possible to do it suddenly as an adult?
    I have no memory of the accident by the way, I lost my short term memory probably by hitting my head - but the memory loss starts just before the accident, and there are a few memories in the days after.
    I feel very cheeky asking all this just after I got here, but any insight is very helpful for me.
     
  12. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Compartmentalisation is usually found in multiple personalities; but to answer your question, it can form at any stage during life. In relation to someone with MPD, a different personality will access individual compartments of the brain, in which makes their multiple personalities. Whilst you don't have to have MPD to do this, accessing each compartment as such can usually be done with hypnotherapy or EMDR, though both pose the risk of bringing back too much at once.

    Even without this, the brain can gain access to individual parts simply by provoking a trauma itself, being your accident. For example, if you wrote a detailed analysis of what you remember, then read it over and over, that can trigger your brain to access the other memories that have been stored elsewhere. This is usually the first method tried, and if continually fails, then hypnotherapy or EMDR are often suggested to find those memories again. The brain forgets nothing, every image and word we hear goes in, stays in, its just a matter of finding it within the brain itself.

    Don't feel cheeky daisy, there is no time limit on anything here. Your here, so ask again. You would have already notices, where not shy in just asking straight up, because it gets things out that we may want to know from you. It goes both ways. Pick our brains as hard and fast as you want Daisy, because we are going to do the same with you basically. That is what this community is about, nothing to hide, share what we know, help one another as much as possible.
     
  13. Daisy

    Daisy New Member

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    Thank you Anthony. I'm going to go to the park now and have a think, maybe try writing down things from the accident and see what comes up.
    I'm not sure picking my brains will throw up much of interest, but I'm always happy to answer questions.
    Have a lovely day :)
     
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