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Hello, I'm Hayls - Rape Survivor

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by hayls, Jun 11, 2007.

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  1. hayls

    hayls New Member

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    I’m not the easiest person to get to know and I don’t ask for a lot of help, but I will try…


    I’m a 22 year old rape survivor diagnosed with PTSD.

    In a nutshell, I’m unhappy with virtually every aspect of myself and my life. I cannot function in a relationship, I don’t have any close friendships, and I can’t even get a job. I feel as if I am playing tug-a-war with myself. It has been 4 years since my rape and until recently I thought I had overcome the night terrors and put a handle on my triggers. I was wrong, and now I am going backwards.


    I really don’t know what I am looking for here…I guess just an inch of hope toward “normalcy”, if possible?
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Welcome to the forum, I hope you will find the help you want here.
     
  4. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Hi Hayls, welcome to the forum. What you describe is nothing unusual, nor should you really view yourself as abnormal either, being your looking for normalcy, because what exactly is normalcy anyway? Normal is different for every person. What you need to find is yourself again, your true self, yourself before the rape, though just realise you will never be that exact person again, nor should you be, after your trauma. You must find the parts of yourself that you once liked, that your looking for now, though you must also now build new parts of yourself, those that are required to come to terms with, heal and learn to manage your PTSD. A new improved you basically, one with all the best bits, and one that will comprise far superior aspects than pre-trauma, because your going to have to look so deep within yourself now in order to find a person you never knew existed.

    Welcome to the beginning of a new you...
     
  5. hodge

    hodge I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Hi Hayls,

    Welcome. Many of us are are working on dealing with similar stuff, so I hope you find helpful information, conversation, and insights on this site.

    Take care,

    Hodge
     
  6. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    Hayls,
    Welcome, I hope you can find some of yourself again, and hopefully someone here can help you in this journey. Some of us do know what things you might be going through, so share and we will try to help you through some difficult times.
    Shane
     
  7. hayls

    hayls New Member

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    Thank you all for welcoming me.

    Anthony, that perspective is one I've not considered, until now. It’s hard to associate memories of me then with who I am at this time. I look back at that person and love them…I was a college freshmen, I was happy, my life felt like it was evolving into something good and manageable, it was promising…I want those parts back. I want all those to be apart of the “new me.” I want it so much but I am continually failing and sabotaging myself. How do I begin incorporating all that into this? How did you?
     
  8. Rachael

    Rachael New Member

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    Hello Hayls,

    I am a 21 year old rape survivor. It has been three years since I was raped. I havent had any friends or a relationship in the last two years. I understand completely what you are saying about thinking you were doing ok and then noticing it all coming back. I know that is seems hard at times. Believe me I went through a million rough patches and I am still dealing with it every day as I am sure you are. However, there is hope. You are a survivor. This last year I have really come into my own with opening up to people and I actually recently started dating a nice young man from my University. I know the time will come when I have to tell him and open up again. It is ever so hard to trust people especially men again.
    I wanted to let you know that what really helps me is speaking to other young women whom have experienced rape/ sexual abuse. Maybe a therepy group would help. The first time I joined I cried and cired and couldnt share a single thing about myself, however now I am leading the group.

    I hope you know that you are a survivor and you will be one for the rest of your life. Keep going forward and the friends and relationships will follow.
    ~Rachael
     
  9. hayls

    hayls New Member

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    Rachael, I have tried going to a therapy group before. However, I don't feel I gave it a fair chance. At the time, I felt very out of place. The emotion didn't come, I was reserved and unwilling. The only reason I went was to prove to myself that I didn't need to be there. This was just months following my rape and I credit a lot of this to the fact that I don’t allow myself to need help. I still don't feel entitled. I'll consider giving it another shot. Thank you.
     
  10. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Well, how did I is a rather long story, more so already outlined all over this forum in the miriad of posts and threads made. What works for one does not necessarily work for another, that is the trick. The idea of this place is not to try a blanket approach, because that doesn't work. Therapists have been trying that for decades now, still with little avail.

    The key is to heal your trauma first, that means heal your past, come to real terms with it, accept what is truly your fault, remove what is not, etc etc etc... be honest with yourself, and yes, its going to hurt emotionally and mentally like all hell.

    Once you do that, the problem is PTSD. PTSD is a component within us that is now there forever. That means, that its no longer just about trauma, being our past, that affects PTSD to invoke symptoms within us, but its about our present and future. If we do not feel safe in our home for example, you will continue having symptom outbreaks. If you have a stressful event coming up, such as a family member or loved one dieing of cancer, that will also be causing hidden emotion.

    The idea is simply to identify all negative emotion within our lives, that means you have to be one very true and honest to yourself person, no longer be in denial, no longer try and mask yourself from the world, but instead allow yourself to be yourself in order to truly deal with all the real problems. Mental imagery helps this to a degree, though you still have to do the work, nobody else can do it for you.

    Exposure to some things helps beat the mental aspect, then avoidance is required for some others, things that simply cannot be shaped within your mind to not fear or simply the exposure for trauma far surpasses any possible resolution for exposure therapy to help...
     
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