Hello everyone! :hello: My name is Anne and I have been lurking here for a couple of weeks now. I finally decided to jump in and join!
I am sooo nervous about joining here; my worries are that I am "not ill enough" to belong. I have read some of the stories and think "wow! these people are amazing! they do so well while overcoming so much more than I have to deal with! maybe I don't belong"
Let me tell you a little about my story. In January, my DH and I started to lose weight. We were doing quite well. My emotional eating was under control and we were both losing weight. Around Feb., I started thinking about my life and my childhood. I started reflecting on some of my memories and went "Hey! Something's not right!" I realized that some memories that I have always had were of my dad molesting me. (whew this is hard) I just started to put some feelings to those memories. I started getting depressed around the same time. Somewhere around March/April I started having anxiety problems (which I have never had before). By the beginning of June I was a wreck: depressed, anxious, starting to have flashbacks, and I was starting to have blackouts for about 30 secs. or so (I was able to do things during these blackouts but I would have no memory of them). I knew I was in trouble and got in touch with my family doc when I realized that I was having problems at work with blackouts and anxiety attacks (I'm a nurse and those are real trouble!). My family doc said that often when people go on diets is when memories start to surface (who knew?). My family doc diagnosed my with depression, anxiety and ?PTSD at that time. I went on sick leave from my work at that time.
Since June, I have seen a number of different counsellors. My meds are been taken care by my family doc and an outpatient psych clinic. My counselling right now is through a place called Sexual Assault Centre London. I have a limited number of sessions with them for free. Also, within the last two weeks, I have been accepted as a patient at our hospital's Trauma Stress Service (TSS). They only deal with trauma related psycho-social issues. I am so happy that now I will have some coordinated help. The intake nurse clinician for the TSS also diagnosed me with Complex PTSD (I have dissociated for many years. I also have a previous psych. history which I won't get into here, but was also a sign of big problems). They are covered by our provincial health insurance plan, so i won't have to pay anything.
I have been having a really hard time dealing with my diagnosis while continuing to have new memories about my dad molesting me. I feel like my world is off-kilter and tilting. I sleep all the time and am exhausted while I am awake. I have significant concentration issues. I have hypervigilance and exaggerated startle reflex. Thank goodness I don't have nightmares/terrors; I don't believe in them so I guess I don't get them.
I have a very supportive DH, friend and cousin whom I am in close contact with. I want to get back to work but I know I am not ready.
I know I have written a novel here, but I just wanted to share my history with some people who *really get it*. My family and friends understand as much as they can, but they are not living through it. I do realize how lucky I am to have such a great support system; I'd be sunk without them.
Anyway, I am really happy to have found this great forum and hope I can be a helpful and active member!:thumbs-up
I am sooo nervous about joining here; my worries are that I am "not ill enough" to belong. I have read some of the stories and think "wow! these people are amazing! they do so well while overcoming so much more than I have to deal with! maybe I don't belong"
Let me tell you a little about my story. In January, my DH and I started to lose weight. We were doing quite well. My emotional eating was under control and we were both losing weight. Around Feb., I started thinking about my life and my childhood. I started reflecting on some of my memories and went "Hey! Something's not right!" I realized that some memories that I have always had were of my dad molesting me. (whew this is hard) I just started to put some feelings to those memories. I started getting depressed around the same time. Somewhere around March/April I started having anxiety problems (which I have never had before). By the beginning of June I was a wreck: depressed, anxious, starting to have flashbacks, and I was starting to have blackouts for about 30 secs. or so (I was able to do things during these blackouts but I would have no memory of them). I knew I was in trouble and got in touch with my family doc when I realized that I was having problems at work with blackouts and anxiety attacks (I'm a nurse and those are real trouble!). My family doc said that often when people go on diets is when memories start to surface (who knew?). My family doc diagnosed my with depression, anxiety and ?PTSD at that time. I went on sick leave from my work at that time.
Since June, I have seen a number of different counsellors. My meds are been taken care by my family doc and an outpatient psych clinic. My counselling right now is through a place called Sexual Assault Centre London. I have a limited number of sessions with them for free. Also, within the last two weeks, I have been accepted as a patient at our hospital's Trauma Stress Service (TSS). They only deal with trauma related psycho-social issues. I am so happy that now I will have some coordinated help. The intake nurse clinician for the TSS also diagnosed me with Complex PTSD (I have dissociated for many years. I also have a previous psych. history which I won't get into here, but was also a sign of big problems). They are covered by our provincial health insurance plan, so i won't have to pay anything.
I have been having a really hard time dealing with my diagnosis while continuing to have new memories about my dad molesting me. I feel like my world is off-kilter and tilting. I sleep all the time and am exhausted while I am awake. I have significant concentration issues. I have hypervigilance and exaggerated startle reflex. Thank goodness I don't have nightmares/terrors; I don't believe in them so I guess I don't get them.
I have a very supportive DH, friend and cousin whom I am in close contact with. I want to get back to work but I know I am not ready.
I know I have written a novel here, but I just wanted to share my history with some people who *really get it*. My family and friends understand as much as they can, but they are not living through it. I do realize how lucky I am to have such a great support system; I'd be sunk without them.
Anyway, I am really happy to have found this great forum and hope I can be a helpful and active member!:thumbs-up