Nebulustrix
Confident
I've been working with a new therapist the last couple weeks trying to identify triggers that have been making my PTSD flare up over the last few months, and I came across a conundrum:
In my last session my therapist and I discussed a recurring situation at work that often causes me stress- giving, receiving, overhearing, or being present during a corrective action. In my work place, corrective actions are the go-to when an employee fails to follow through with procedures or responsibilities. This can be for something as simple as spending too much time on break to something as severe as allowing a product to go when it failed a quality inspection.
I was in a supervisory role and had to step down due to the amount of stress these corrective actions caused me. I avoided giving them when they were needed. Struggled through them when I did give them, and was an emotional mess afterward. And I'd become extremely tense and dissociative whenever I was asked to be a witness for someone else's corrective action. (These are usually given in a private setting, but cannot be one-on-one. At least one person has to be there as a witness so there won't be any issues with accusations of abusive correction.)
Even now, just overhearing a corrective action being given in the office next to me makes me tense and anxious, and it's extended even to personnel being given correction/direction on their paperwork errors. Just writing about it and thinking about it is hard!
In discussing this with my therapist, we believe that my difficulty is an anticipated angry response to correction. I avoid and/or instinctively prepare to flee these situations because I am anticipating it turning into an argument. However -
When I am out doing quality checks and I find something that has to be put on hold, I have absolutely no issue going to a team leader and telling them about the issue and that I am putting it on hold even though they almost always become angry! ... I am never triggered during these situations. Never become anxious or frightened or feel like I have to run. I don't avoid telling them about the hold. I don't even feel any kind of emotional/adrenaline response when they yell at me or have their little tantrum over something going on hold....
So what is the difference? What is it about corrective actions that bothers me so much and triggers my PTSD when actual anger doesn't seem to be an issue? I never feel like I need to be afraid of the team leader. Never feel like their tantrums reminds me of the tantrums my abuser would have... But something about the way corrective actions are handled REALLY bothers me....
Just looking for thoughts and input while I continue to mull this over between now and my next appointment.
In my last session my therapist and I discussed a recurring situation at work that often causes me stress- giving, receiving, overhearing, or being present during a corrective action. In my work place, corrective actions are the go-to when an employee fails to follow through with procedures or responsibilities. This can be for something as simple as spending too much time on break to something as severe as allowing a product to go when it failed a quality inspection.
I was in a supervisory role and had to step down due to the amount of stress these corrective actions caused me. I avoided giving them when they were needed. Struggled through them when I did give them, and was an emotional mess afterward. And I'd become extremely tense and dissociative whenever I was asked to be a witness for someone else's corrective action. (These are usually given in a private setting, but cannot be one-on-one. At least one person has to be there as a witness so there won't be any issues with accusations of abusive correction.)
Even now, just overhearing a corrective action being given in the office next to me makes me tense and anxious, and it's extended even to personnel being given correction/direction on their paperwork errors. Just writing about it and thinking about it is hard!
In discussing this with my therapist, we believe that my difficulty is an anticipated angry response to correction. I avoid and/or instinctively prepare to flee these situations because I am anticipating it turning into an argument. However -
When I am out doing quality checks and I find something that has to be put on hold, I have absolutely no issue going to a team leader and telling them about the issue and that I am putting it on hold even though they almost always become angry! ... I am never triggered during these situations. Never become anxious or frightened or feel like I have to run. I don't avoid telling them about the hold. I don't even feel any kind of emotional/adrenaline response when they yell at me or have their little tantrum over something going on hold....
So what is the difference? What is it about corrective actions that bothers me so much and triggers my PTSD when actual anger doesn't seem to be an issue? I never feel like I need to be afraid of the team leader. Never feel like their tantrums reminds me of the tantrums my abuser would have... But something about the way corrective actions are handled REALLY bothers me....
Just looking for thoughts and input while I continue to mull this over between now and my next appointment.