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Help Me Find The Difference

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Nebulustrix

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I've been working with a new therapist the last couple weeks trying to identify triggers that have been making my PTSD flare up over the last few months, and I came across a conundrum:

In my last session my therapist and I discussed a recurring situation at work that often causes me stress- giving, receiving, overhearing, or being present during a corrective action. In my work place, corrective actions are the go-to when an employee fails to follow through with procedures or responsibilities. This can be for something as simple as spending too much time on break to something as severe as allowing a product to go when it failed a quality inspection.

I was in a supervisory role and had to step down due to the amount of stress these corrective actions caused me. I avoided giving them when they were needed. Struggled through them when I did give them, and was an emotional mess afterward. And I'd become extremely tense and dissociative whenever I was asked to be a witness for someone else's corrective action. (These are usually given in a private setting, but cannot be one-on-one. At least one person has to be there as a witness so there won't be any issues with accusations of abusive correction.)

Even now, just overhearing a corrective action being given in the office next to me makes me tense and anxious, and it's extended even to personnel being given correction/direction on their paperwork errors. Just writing about it and thinking about it is hard!

In discussing this with my therapist, we believe that my difficulty is an anticipated angry response to correction. I avoid and/or instinctively prepare to flee these situations because I am anticipating it turning into an argument. However -

When I am out doing quality checks and I find something that has to be put on hold, I have absolutely no issue going to a team leader and telling them about the issue and that I am putting it on hold even though they almost always become angry! ... I am never triggered during these situations. Never become anxious or frightened or feel like I have to run. I don't avoid telling them about the hold. I don't even feel any kind of emotional/adrenaline response when they yell at me or have their little tantrum over something going on hold....

So what is the difference? What is it about corrective actions that bothers me so much and triggers my PTSD when actual anger doesn't seem to be an issue? I never feel like I need to be afraid of the team leader. Never feel like their tantrums reminds me of the tantrums my abuser would have... But something about the way corrective actions are handled REALLY bothers me....

Just looking for thoughts and input while I continue to mull this over between now and my next appointment.
 
Is it because when you put something on hold and tell a team leader you know that although they throw a hissy fit they aren't actually upset with you, whereas corrective actions will inevitably cause ill feeling towards the person issuing the action i.e you when you were in your supervisory role?
 
I think it's also a case is the control issue. In the one case, you are bringing up the issue and have some degree of control. You can prepare, etc. In the other case, you're not in control.

When you are affected when this happens to others is because you are a caring person and have empathy.

Sounds like a less than wonderful place to work, and sounds also like someone in management has some serious issues.
 
...However - When I am out doing quality checks and I find something that has to be put on hold, I have absolutely no issue going to a team leader and telling them about the issue and that I am putting it on hold even though they almost always become angry! ... I am never triggered during these situations. Never become anxious or frightened or feel like I have to run. I don't avoid telling them about the hold. I don't even feel any kind of emotional/adrenaline response when they yell at me or have their little tantrum over something going on hold....

So what is the difference? What is it about corrective actions that bothers me so much and triggers my PTSD when actual anger doesn't seem to be an issue? I never feel like I need to be afraid of the team leader. Never feel like their tantrums reminds me of the tantrums my abuser would have... But something about the way corrective actions are handled REALLY bothers me....

Just looking for thoughts and input while I continue to mull this over between now and my next appointment.

Maybe it is not the anger that triggers you, but, say, something about how close to you physically someone is or something in your mind that overrides the anger because of the importance of the quality of the product, as opposed to something about the other type of confrontation?
 
@Wyakin - It may be that it is only an issue when the anger is actually directed at me... I know when a team leader gets upset over product being put on hold, they aren't actually upset with me. Just about the situation...

@WillyKat - This is a fairly difficult work environment, though I've been doing well in my little "corner". It is a factory very focused on production numbers. They hire in just about anyone, but then fire people just as easily as they get hired. People come and go a LOT, and many of the positions are heavily reliant on the amount of orders we get. Fewer orders = fewer positions. And the flexibility of the number of orders we have varies throughout the year and really week to week.

I have issues with the management in the HR department, but... for the most part it doesn't affect me so I just stay out of it. And our Planning and Scheduling department could do with some better organization.

I'm in the Quality department and my manager is awesome! So I stick around. I've contemplated job hunting for something different though, but there is also opportunity for me to grow with this company, as I have such a good manager and skills that can lead to promotions if I can get over my confrontation issues.

@SheilaKathy - I don't think the cloesness makes a difference... You have to get pretty much in the face of a team leader when telling them about a hold as it is so loud by the production belts they wouldn't be able to hear you otherwise. It could be a recognition of the importance of product quality overriding any fear that might come up... Or, maybe its my confidence that I'm "backed up" by the data/quality department in putting something on hold, but I don't feel the same confidence/commitment in giving most corrective actions? ....

Thanks everybody! Still thinking and mulling it all over. :)
 
For me, the corrective action type of scenario is about doing something Wrong. When I feel responsible for something being Wrong it is linked to feeling that I'm a bad person. If I were in the same situation that's what my trigger would be based on.

For me it does have its component of anger - my mom angrily pointing out how bad I've been - but is based in humiliation and shame at the same time, also a sense of worthlessness.
Sometimes I seem to project this, it might be someone else being wrong but I still feel like I'm responsible.

Not sure if that gives you any ideas or not, glad you found a way to minimize this type of stress at work.
 
The corrective action is very personal and shaming of the persons failures.

The holding the line is not personal as many factors can go into that fault situation. Maybe it's also less closed doors? I'm far more frightened in small groups.

Hope that helps
 
Maybe it's also less closed doors?

I think this might be part of it! When I read this, it really stuck out to me... Probably because product going on hold is "public" - I'm out there on the production floor and we are surrounded by a lot of people, a lot going on around us, a lot of open space. I was never harmed in a setting like this, so I don't anticipate anything turning bad. My trauma took place entirely behind closed doors, just me and my abuser, no witnesses. The fact that we make corrective actions private - to maintain confidentiality and prevent humiliation or gossip - means it happens behind closed doors, usually with just three people in the room. The supervisor giving the correction, the person being corrected, and the witness.....

So it's almost like a claustrophobic response. The door gets closed, the escape route is "blocked", the "public" is gone, and then a confrontational situation is presented. Of course the person being corrected is going to be upset - they're being told they're doing something wrong, but normally these corrections are very quick, to the point, and nobody overreacts to anything or gets into any kind of argument. There's a little tension, a little bit of hurt feelings, a little upset... but that's it. And since I handle anger okay in "public".... maybe I'm not responding to anticipated anger at all, but rather the confrontational setting in closed quarters....
 
Glad I could help.

With regards to claustrophobic ... I am a little this way but it needs to be unusually small spaces. More problematic to me is small groups and a closed door type scenario, even if the room is physically large, I still get scared. So, for me it's less claustrophobia and more, small number of people in a private area. Just sharing my issues in case it's of use to your analysis.
 
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