• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Relationship Help Me Please I Need Advice

Status
Not open for further replies.
Here is my story and then I would love to hear what some of you think I am actually getting desperate. I met Sam 8 years ago and we dated for a year then he pushed me away. I thought it was over but it wasn't he called me after that and we have played this tiresome game of pulling me close to push me away. I love him more than my own life if i could carry any of this for him I would but I can't. He has always told me that there were things I couldn't understand and I have never or will never push him to talk to me about them but if he wants I will listen. This past weekend he told me so many things I never knew and I held him and told him all I could think of, no matter what you have done to me or anyone else there is a great person inside you and I know him he is amazing. I will always love you if I didn't runaway after last night why would I? I will always be here when you need me. He finally after 8 years said I love you. (He has only been back home 5 years) Is it possible we could last? The worst part is during the times we were apart I felt TERRIBLE for being happy knowing what he was going through, I am not happy without him but I want him to be ok. I would love to hear from people with similar stories good or bad because I have left many relationships because he has called and needed me. ANY advice would be so very welcome right now I am lost and feel like i am sinking.
 
Hi
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. But you must put your own long term wellbeing first.
He must get professional help, perhaps even some sessions with you, if you or he hope to be happy long term.
 
Hi
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. But you must put your own long term wellbeing first.
He must...
When he came home he was mad and angry then he went to therapy and that just added depression and sadness he has moments of happiness but its not like he was before
 
First and foremost, there are some red flag words that you are using here.. and maybe it's just wording... "you love him more than yourself". True? Or, are you making a point? You have to love you most, no matter what.
2. He calls you and you leave other relationships for him? How many times is this going on, and why is this ok with you? When someone cares for you they do not expect you to, nor would they ask you to continually disrupt your life like this. Again, the question remains why are you ok with doing that?
3. You said that no matter he has done TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE he is a good person... is he or has he bern abusive to you or anyone else? Physically??? Certainly, it sounds like emotionally he has been. I would argue that this pattern that he has you in is abusive. If he is also physically abusive, then it would not be a good idea to get any further involved until he got help.
Just my 2 cents.
Stay safe. Talk to a counselor.
 
He will never be who he was before. PTSD is an actual physical change that happens in your body during times of extreme stress. His brain is literally different now.
Practice extreme self care!
 
Ok... this may be hard to hear, but it's very important to face reality if you're going to attempt to be in a relationship with a PTSD sufferer.

1. Throw all the romantic martyr stuff out the window. Fairy tales are fiction. You can't love your way out of the issues a mental illness causes.

2. Codependency is toxic. You cannot love him to the detriment of yourself. Being in this relationship is going to be an emotional rollercoaster, and you have to look out for your own mental health and well being, because he isn't going to be able to do that. If it is making you nuts, it's not a healthy relationship. That's not good for you, and it's not good for him.

3. You cannot fix him. You cannot help him. No matter how much you listen, how much you seem to comfort him, no matter how much you think you understand... you can't help his PTSD get better. He needs treatment.

Remember that song "What's love got to do with it?" It's kind of that way with PTSD relationships. Love doesn't conquer all. Both parties have to work with the disorder. He has to do his part with managing his PTSD. You have to do your part and learn how to support. It's not romantic. It's hard draining work. It takes two dedicated partners to make it happen.
 
I'm sorry your managing this as well. From reading the advice and comments above it's hard to give you better advice.
My take on this is the same - u Can't and never will change what people with PTSD do - it's heart breaking but that's a fact - u also need to look after yourself first and foremost and then decide when your in a stronger position what you are going to do.
Do you have time with your friends and family?
Do the things u like when ur together?
Ur feeling come into this?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top