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HELP! My God, What is Happening To Me!!? - Cussing at Women & Kids In Public

Discussion in 'General' started by mortiis31, Sep 15, 2007.

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  1. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

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    I just returned from the local supermarket, where I blatantly abused two people who I believed were staring at me.

    One was a woman, she was standing in front of me, turned around and just stared right into my eyes. All kinds of thoughts ticked through my head, I saw my father in her eyes, and I just screamed at her:
    "GET THE **** OUT OF THIS ISLE, IT'S MINE!".

    The woman's jaw dropped, she was obviously offended, and probably just trying to work out what t ave for dinner tonight before I lashed out.

    Then, I turned the corner into another isle where a child in a supermarket trolley was smiling and reaching out to touch me.

    "Do you want to ****ing touch me? I'll chop your finger's off, there's nothing to see here, I'm fine!" I hissed at him, unbeknown to his mother who shopped a few meters away.

    The child didn't understand, the woman probably thought I'd completely ****ing lost it...

    I think I've lost it.

    Please help me!
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/forum14.html[/DLMURL]

    Please look in this section and maybe look into making a diary so Anthony can assist you as he is more active there and is good at this.

    Is there any way you can get some help with groceries or something? It does not sound healthy for you or the health of children for you to be out and about right now.

    Is it normally women and children you lash out at or men too? I am afraid what would happen to you if a parent heard or saw such a display. Do you think maybe realizing you could really scare a child badly enough for nightmares or cause them damage would maybe help you refrain? That is one of the major reasons to try to address the angry quickly as possible, to stop the cycle of abuse. And well, so you don't lash out at a child and find your self in the back of an ambulance!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2015
  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Mort, my friend, calm down.

    Your lashing out. I've done it.. it's the nasty abusive side of ptsd. Go look at the anger management section and read every last drop of it. Then read the Anxiety section. Every last drop of that.

    Many of us ( and most certainly me) have major issues with grocery stores. It sometimes can take me weeks to talk myself to going into one. Develop a strategy for it. What is triggering your rage?

    I know with me, I don't like anyone getting close to me. I can take my son and make him stand behind me, make someone else I trust stand behind me, keep my cart behind me etc. You can also do this using it in front of you.

    Also try to go at quieter times, when the store is very slow with customers. Try to go before your overwhelmed with the day's tasks. Make it your only task that day, so that your stress levels aren't so high.

    Plus, read everything in those two sections.

    Your not crazy, your not evil. I realize this is abusive behavior, but to stop it you need to understand it and plan for it. Don't worry your not alone with this one. It's been a huge struggle for me also.

    bec
     
  5. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

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    RE

    Thanks to everyone who's posted comment here. This really is a problem, I understand, it's linked somewhere to the post traumatic stress, but I don't realize where. I'm afraid to tell anyone else I know, I'm scared to even admit it to myself, but admitting it to you guys is easy - you don't have to look at me, just have to deal with what ya'll think of me, that's all.

    I wish there was an easy-fix for this - but there isn't, and I think every one of us here knows that. Nothing anyone can do it going to 'fix' this in five minutes, it's going to take a lot of time, effort and heartache.

    X
     
    Hashi likes this.
  6. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Yes, it will take a lot of time effort and heartache!

    And you know what.. just admitting that is the first step. So good on you for recognizing and admitting that to yourself! Give yourself a pat on the back.

    Now for the hard work.. get reading! lol

    bec
     
  7. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

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    Bec, am going to read in a second, just have to feed my cats. They're screaming at me to be fed!
    X
     
  8. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

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    I had a similar problem for a while, but then I found that one way to counteract it is to think about it when it's not happening. I find myself talking to myself as if I'm talking to them, and I'm bitter and angry.

    But in real life I found that I behave much better. Case in point, when I was at work today a young girl was being held by her mother. She knocked some stuff over with her foot, and she started pouting as her mother scolded her. I smiled and told the young girl "Heeey, everything's ok! Just a little boo-boo, right?" The little girl smiled and her mommy smiled as well. She thanked me and everything went good.
     
  9. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    I can relate to this

    I have problems in grocery stores too. I got into an argument with the cashier about 4 months prior to my nervous breakdown and started taking my items off the conveyer belt in order to leave, and dropped a glass jar of pickles on the floor. She managed to calm me down.

    When I'm walking down the isles and some one is aggravated and glares at me, I want to hit them.

    I like people and care about them. I'm compassionate and want to help others. But in public places people are my enemy?

    Tammy
     
  10. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

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    Tammy...

    My dear Tammy,
    you're not ALONE, trust me. I had (a few weeks back) a serious screaming match with my local librarian, just because a book I had reserved hadn't come in yet.

    I love people (generally), but when I am in public they are my enemy, and nothing matters but that fact.

    I recently watched a film (good New Zealand film) about a man named David Gray who went nuts and killed a whole town full of people. His antics started with his overall hatred for people and humanity in general, then it progressed to that point.

    Sad thing it, it was based on factual events!

    Tammy, PM me when you're on if you wish, I would so much love to speak to someone who suffers like I do, I think that in itself is theraputic for me.

    Hugs
     
  11. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    As a general rule I didn't do this type of thing. Once I started working full time and forced myself to work I started having severe anger problems again. I thought I worked through the anger and lashing out a long time ago, but I guess working full time triggers it. I will PM you if this happens again.

    Thanks for your support
    Tammy
     
  12. BloomInWinter

    BloomInWinter Learning to live single and free Premium Member

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    Please call your local hotline right away. Threatening and terrifying a small child isn't just acting out, it's a crime. That child may suffer severe psychological harm from your threats.

    The parents of that child deserve to be made aware of what happened to their child so they can provide adequate mental health services.

    If you don't treat this as the medical emergency it is (for you) the chances of you ending up in prison instead of a healing environment are much greater. You need urgent help...and so does that child.

    Good for you for reaching out before you get caught.
     
    p-no likes this.
  13. Barberian

    Barberian I'm a VIP

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    Member was last seen March 17, 2010. but the above post is very valid for anybody who finds themselves in a similar situation.

    Just my 2 copper.
     
    p-no likes this.
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