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Learning
I've gone back and forth over whether to write this a million times. I'm extremely paranoid about everything I do, especially on the internet, because I often find myself humiliated. I'm very easily ashamed, of myself and my past, but that's ultimately why I figure I should go ahead and do this--I don't want to live in shame and fear anymore.
So.
Most people start at the beginning, but I'm going to work backward.
I only very recently realized that I was sexually abused as an infant. My partner is the one who helped me put the pieces together, although one therapist suggested it was probable before. I don't want to explain all of the reasons why, but I have a number of symptoms that point to incest/sexual abuse. However, I do not have any memory of it. I know a lot of people might be skeptical about my certainty, given that I haven't recovered a memory, however there are certain things about my past and my symptoms that can only be explained by infant sexual abuse.
I feel humiliated and sad. At the same time, since I came to the realization that this happened to me, I've seen an improvement in many of my symptoms.
I'm now 21 years old, but I've had chronic fatigue since I was 12/13. I remember when I first started to get tired. It was terrible. I couldn't keep myself awake. Not that I was narcoleptic, but I felt sick and just had to get back in bed. I'd already had depression for years, but suddenly I was sleeping all the time, 12-18 hours a day. I should've been blooming and having fun. Instead I was bed-ridden and missing tons of school.
That's all I'm going to post for now actually. I didn't realize it would feel this intense. Will continue soon. Thanks to anyone who reads this.
So.
Most people start at the beginning, but I'm going to work backward.
I only very recently realized that I was sexually abused as an infant. My partner is the one who helped me put the pieces together, although one therapist suggested it was probable before. I don't want to explain all of the reasons why, but I have a number of symptoms that point to incest/sexual abuse. However, I do not have any memory of it. I know a lot of people might be skeptical about my certainty, given that I haven't recovered a memory, however there are certain things about my past and my symptoms that can only be explained by infant sexual abuse.
I feel humiliated and sad. At the same time, since I came to the realization that this happened to me, I've seen an improvement in many of my symptoms.
I'm now 21 years old, but I've had chronic fatigue since I was 12/13. I remember when I first started to get tired. It was terrible. I couldn't keep myself awake. Not that I was narcoleptic, but I felt sick and just had to get back in bed. I'd already had depression for years, but suddenly I was sleeping all the time, 12-18 hours a day. I should've been blooming and having fun. Instead I was bed-ridden and missing tons of school.
That's all I'm going to post for now actually. I didn't realize it would feel this intense. Will continue soon. Thanks to anyone who reads this.