• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Relationship He's Disappeared. Is This Common? What Can I Do?

Status
Not open for further replies.

sassyblewe

New Here
Okay so my boyfriend has PTSD. We've been together a year and a half, and I didn't realize it was that bad until about six months ago. Now after reading up some more on PTSD and learning some things, a lot of his past behavior makes since. Well about a year ago, he disappeared for about three days. Afterwards, I was so upset he promised me he would never do that again. Or if he needed some time alone, he would tell me before disappearing. Well about a week and a half ago, we were perfectly fine. It seemed like everything was perfect in our relationship, then all of a sudden he's gone. He wont answer my calls, or texts. I'm not sure if I should be hurt that he broke his promise, or worried. Its been over a week now, and I'm wondering what to do. He's told me he's disappeared on some of his exs before and not come back, and my biggest fear is of that happening to me, though he promised me he wouldn't do that to me. Is this a common thing? Have other people experienced their significant other just vanishing, and did they come back, and how did you handle it? I'm just not sure how to go about this. Should I just give him space? Before I connected the dots that it could be his PTSD, I kinda blew up on him for ignoring me. I was upset and hurt, and I'm hoping that didn't just push him farther away. Also the anniversary of what caused his PTSD is coming up, so maybe that could have something to do with it?
 
Unfortunately it is pretty common. Isolation is a coping method that some sufferers use when they are overwhelmed. An upcoming trauma anniversary may be stressing him, the blow up could be, or some other random thing. It is hard to tell. They don't even know what is going on sometimes, and it is their PTSD.

All you can do is give them space and decide how long you are willing to wait around. You have to take care of you too... isolation periods can make you worry sick.
 
Yeah I fight depression when this happens. My ex and I broke up because he would ignore me for a week at a time, but he didn't have ptsd. But it effected me in a bad way, so I'm trying to find ways to deal with my bf's isolation periods without beating myself up. Now I'm trying to decide if I should text him every once in a while letting him know I'm here and I love him, or leave him alone completely. I've read conflicting things on here, some say you should and some say you shouldn't. And I just want to feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and we can get through this and he might come back
 
It is common for sufferers to go awol im afraid. However, simply vanishing for extended periods of time is out of order in my opinion.
 
Hmm... You set a boundary. He has told you he is known for this behavior...the disappearing act. Do you have mutual friends that you can reach out to? Maybe text saying "hey just let me know you are ok and safe." If he comes back, I would enforce that boundary by saying the next time you disappear, if you are gone and I don't hear from you for x amount of days, I'm moving on." In the meantime, take care of yourself and really consider how much you can take. Can you live like this for potentially the rest of your life, or years? Hugs.
 
Now I'm trying to decide if I should text him every once in a while letting him know I'm here and I love him, or leave him alone completely.

Maybe you can send him ONE text to say that you are there for him when he needs you, but you can tell he needs some space right now. He can text when he is ready... then leave it to him. Repeatedly texting somebody when they are isolating can stress them out more.
 
Maybe you can send him ONE text to say that you are there for him when he needs you, but you can tell he needs some space right now. He can text when he is ready... then leave it to him. Repeatedly texting somebody when they are isolating can stress them out more.


I'm not sure if I quoted right, but I tried. He disappeared for two weeks, came back for three days, and now he's been gone for another three weeks. Four days ago he texted me an old college picture of him, but that's all the contact I've had from him. I am best friends with his sister, so that helps. She's able to let me know that he's okay and healthy, so at least I know he's not in a ditch somewhere. But this isolation period is the longest he's ever had
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top