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Sufferer Hi I Have Delayed Onset Ptsd

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by 'high_functioning', Oct 14, 2010.

  1. 'high_functioning'

    'high_functioning' New Member

    Hi. I'm new to the forum which is probably obvious since I'm writing in the introductions thread! I didn't realise there was a forum website dedicated to PTSD until someone on Pandy's (Rape & Abuse Survivor Forum) mentioned it to me. Thought I'd give it a shot!

    I suppose the title gives a clue. In Jan I was diagnosed with delayed onset PTSD - delayed because my 'trauma' happened over a decade ago, but it's only in the last 10 months that PTSD symptoms became a major problem. Thinking back though I probably had elements of it for a long time. I'm in a flippant mood so I'll probably just be flippant about my trauma now. Technically* I was sexually abused and raped by my 'boyfriend' who was 16 when I was 12-13 years old. At the time I blocked it out my memory and chose to forget what had happened. I focussed on school. I wanted to be perfect to make up for being bad. My username is 'high_functioning' coz that's what I am - high functioning i.e. I am able to work and study and feed myself although there was a while when I couldn't do that. I find this ironic in a way coz so much is so wrong with me. In relationships...sexually...with my identity...and my 'dysfunctional' coping mechanisms...I don't really want to tell my whole life story in introductions but I suppose it's a start...

    *I say technically coz I felt it was my fault and still do...
  2. bluecat

    bluecat New Member

    Hi High_Functioning,

    Welcome to the forum :smile:.

    I also developed PTSD with a bit of a delay. Actually, it was triggered by a new trauma, but everything that happened years before that all of a sudden became very overwhelming. Same like you, I also think that I was traumatized throughout my growing up too, without being aware of it. Its not uncommon for people to develop PTSD when they finally feel safe and it sounds like you've done a great job building a secure environment for yourself. It speaks volumes about your strenght and courage.

    You'll find a lot of information here, I thought I knew everything there is about PTSD, but I learned a lot here. I also found the people on here very supportive and it feels like a huge relief to be talking to someone who knows what I am talking about when I say I am having a flashback or feel alienated etc. I hope you'll find it as helpful as I did.

    Take care,
    Bluecat
    Girl3 likes this.
  3. unknown

    unknown New Member

    Hi, I am new here also, just thought I would say Hi and hope you find all you need here,

    kate
  4. anthony

    anthony MyPTSD Admin Staff Member Premium Member

    Hey HF... welcome to the forum. My wife is actually the same, even though she had a down period and has PTSD as well now due to her own past trauma, she is what psychiatrists call "high functioning"... so I get that. She actually thrives on work... workaholism to a point, but she enjoys it and it keeps her going.

    Well... welcome and look forward to reading you further.
    Anna and Girl3 like this.
  5. superjen

    superjen New Member Premium Member

    Hmmm...

    That actually sounds a bit like me. If I'm not doing something I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.
  6. Iam

    Iam VIP Member

    Welcome to the forum HF :) Thanks for sharing part of your story, that took courage. You obviously are a very strong person. I am sure that you find answers to questions you may have about PTSD and will certainly find loads of support here.
  7. Leda

    Leda Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum HF. Be proud of your ability to function - it will help you with your healing prosess. It´s important to work on your trauma issues - but equally important to hav other thing to focus on so that past traumas don´t overwhelm you.
    Iam likes this.
  8. ASterling

    ASterling New Member

    Hi "high functioning," I am high functioning too. Glad you have reached out and posted here. You were so young when this happened. I really sympathize, and I am "delayed" too. I can identify the exact time of my delayed symptoms. For me it is two years, after each precipitating incident.
  9. jasmin

    jasmin New Member

    Welcome to the forum, I hope you find what you need here on the path to recovery.

    I too, am new here with delayed onset, it's a hard thing to come to terms with but not impossible to overcome.

    Best of luck now sugar :)
  10. Girl3

    Girl3 New Member Premium Member

    Your title reveals so much - and while you say a delayed diagnosis, you have operated under the aegis of PTSD by being an over-achiever. My psychiatrist always marvels at my accomplishments on the one hand - I have several degrees and am a doctor, graduating at the top of my medical school class, have done funded research. But emotionally I operate between a 6 year old child and a 14 year old adolescent. We are our work. We are our achievements. And when we are not working or achieving, we may not exist.

    High functioning people tend to internalize all the fault - so learning that someone did this stuff to you will take time and effort. Having real feelings - as opposed to being flippant - will be harsh. Because when we really feel - well, the nerve endings are raw underneath the veneer of work.

    You cannot possibly tell everything there is in the introduction even if you have only had ONE trauma. Chances are there are more than one, because while many people have trauma only a few develop PTSD - because we have been biologically, ecologically set up to get it. We typically have "things" in our lives that make us susceptible.

    The good news - support, treatment, help, improvement - are all possible. The first step is diagnosis. The second is acceptance of the diagnosis. Bless you and keep you - your faith will make you whole.
    shell and Anna like this.
  11. Anna

    Anna VIP Member

    Welcome to the forum high functioning :)

    I am also high functioning. After the trauma happened I got my degree and worked. I find if I am at home or don't keep my mind full the symptoms are much worse.

    I have also found as I get older I become more sensitive and the symptoms appear now and again.
    Girl3 likes this.
  12. Anna

    Anna VIP Member

    Wow Girl3, you sound just like me :p Especially about the emotional bit. My councellor also told me the same when I was a teenager.

    <Quote removed by Amethist>
  13. Girl3

    Girl3 New Member Premium Member

    Personally I think high functioning has a greater implication - that we are capable of terrific dissociation to cut ourselves off emotionally in order to achieve perfection as a means of absolution. Where praying to God has failed perhaps success might succeed...
    freeanimal, shell and Anna like this.
  14. gizmo

    gizmo Follow a rainbow trail. Premium Member

    Hi welcome to this healing place. Lots of good support and help here. Please know you are not alone, and that you are normal for what you have gone thru. Please take good care of yourself.
    In my opinion it was'nt your fault. You were with an abuser and you are his victim.

    It is good that you are high functioning it will get you through alot of bad days.

    It sounds like you survived well. Be proud of yourself and your many accomplishments. Take care.
    Girl3 likes this.
  15. Girl3

    Girl3 New Member Premium Member

    Gizmo - love your avatar - wow is it fresh and perfect!
    gizmo likes this.
  16. gizmo

    gizmo Follow a rainbow trail. Premium Member

    Hi Girl3_

    My avatar is a picture from my 12 year old grandaughter she did on paint. It is called sunrise. Thank you.
    Girl3 likes this.
  17. Anna

    Anna VIP Member

    This is very like me. Sometimes autopilot and completly emotionally numb like the walking dead. People often ask me if I am aware of where I am or what I am doing. People notice I drift off somewhere else many times each day.... I dissociate a lot. I can totally relate to what you say.
    Girl3 likes this.
  18. Broken Hearted

    Broken Hearted New Member

    Hey I feel your pain. I have PTSD, and I think it's delayed too because I was abused 7 years ago and it's only been really bad lately. I am having trouble functioning myself. I'm trying really hard to keep it together but I dont have a support system and people without PTSD I feel don't understand. I hope we can give eachother support to get through this rough time :(
  19. Broken Hearted

    Broken Hearted New Member

    I've been doing that myself lately...it really sux :(
  20. shell

    shell Guest

    Hi Highfunctioning, I have delayed onset PTSD too, my delay was 30 years from the date of my last trauma.

    Like others I work, I have continued to work as an office manager, a job that at times is stressful, and find relief in work.

    I tune out all my problems, submerge myself in my work, and thrive on challenge. Ironically I thrive on stress, perhaps because it's familiar. I just numb myself when things become overwhelming and I still function. The only thing that really affects my ability to function is a lack of sleep, due to flashbacks.

    At times I feel like two different people, the one that can work and function and the one who I really am, who collapses from the stress of it, when she gets home and can't deny she has PTSD.

    Take the time to look around, there is a lot of helpful information.

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