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Hi I'm New And Need a Friend Who Understands

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I suppose I just need to talk to people who understand how lonely my world is.

......just trying to fit into a world that I dont feel part of and trying to act like a normal person as I feel like I'm crazy most of the time.

Hi wadoo, and Welcome! I could really identify with your intro. You expressed yourself well, reminding me that others do in fact feel terribly lonely in this world. That's how I have almost always felt too, save a few too short periods of time.

Like you I often have expended so much of my energies, exhausting myself trying just to appear normal. I started very young doing this and failed, time and again. When I actually succeeded, as an adult, to some degree I then felt all the more lonely, bc I felt so disconnected, unreal, desperately alone and having lost/abandoned myself. Secretly I thought, God, if someone, other than myself, only knew.

So wadoo, as you now already know, there are so many of us with so much in common here. Welcome aboard, and hope you find all that you need, here and elsewhere, to heal. As well as to often accept and find some enjoyment, and joy in the midst of all of your healing journey.

ps. I use to always feel as if I was crazy and others were not, but for a longtime now, I generally prefer to be me just as I am, and would choose my feelings of crazinest over being others, (people I know and have met along the way in real life time), anytime.

Hope
 
i can totally relate.Have been through two marriages, the last one six years since I left him and he just apologized to me for not being supportive to me. I don't know anymore. i tried to explain that i have PTSD and he said 'you and your disorders" it really makes me feel like if you don't have PTSD you could not possibly understand or relate as to how many aspects of our lives that it interfes with. It does not make us crazy it just proves we are strong as individuals because others with typical lives, alot of them could not deal with this. IMHO. I could be very wrong.
 
New here also. Welcome to the Forum. I was so glad to know that I was not alone in the world. Yeah there are really others out there that underatand,


Welcome:jerk:
 
I understand

My name is Nicole Im from Ohio. I was molested and tortured at the age of four years of age. Its hard. I ask myself everyday. I was four, I don't remember much, so why does it affect me and how come I can't let go when I say its time to let go. People tell me to just move on.. I want to rip my hair out. Like I haven't tried that before, Ive tried every method I could or can think of.. Ive tried praying meditating, Self-soothing, Socializing, being open about what has happened to me.. It doesn't work, It sticks to me like glue. Just when I think the pain is gone, something in my life goes wrong and Poof! Its back again. I guess that why they call it PTSD.

I too have a supportive loving soon to be husband, but yet I feel I treat him so poorly. I get so angry at myself, but instead of getting angry at myself I get angry at him. I have no children, I want children but the stress is kinda making it hard to concieve one at the moment. Im so tired of hurting I just want to feeling something else besides Hurt and sadness.

Nicole from Ohio
 
I don't know honey because I want the memories to stop, too. But hang in there. You wouldn't be trying this if you were not trying to get better and neither would I.
 
I understand

I feel disconnected ALL the time! Sometimes when I step outside I feel like I'm in a movie or that my whole life has been someone elses. When I get the flashes I want to hurt myself to stop the pain and my mood is always changing. I have good things in my life and rarely does any of it make me happy. I always feel numb until the memories come and then I want to hide or turn off my mind. The harder you try to forget the harder it comes back. Sometimes it wont happen for a month and sometimes it happens twice a day. I get scared that if I have children I won't be a good mom, which is the most important thing in my life. My goal of having a normal family. If you need to talk I'm here and can relate.
 
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