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Sufferer Hi, new here. events from childhood.

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Wjk, Sep 14, 2017.

  1. Wjk

    Wjk New Member

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    Been diagnosed with PTSD due to events from childhood. Went on through teen and adult relationships. But events fro. 2012 have left their wounds and now have triggers. Childhood emotional abuse and neglect. Only from mum. Soon learned at very young age to become a people pleaser. Now at 45, holding down good job, successful athlete, mum of 2, still get triggers. Husband caused alot of it. But how can you heal when your living g with the person that caused the final straw??? Confused if I love him or not. Tried to leave but emotions and guilt of feeling a bitch get the better of me. I truly do t k ow what I want. I do know I want the career I have and sport and animals.. Constantly feel lonely.
     
    ladee, Muted, Paradox and 1 other person like this.
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  3. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Welcome! :hug:
     
  4. Wjk

    Wjk New Member

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    Thank You. struggling today. discovered a trigger. xx
     
    ladee likes this.
  5. Muted

    Muted Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    Have you and your husband tried to get help? I don't feel lonely, but my husband triggers me.
     
    ladee likes this.
  6. Wjk

    Wjk New Member

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    We have in the post yes, 3times. All said I need to deal with my issues!!! Honestly, my faith in humans is non existent
     
  7. Muted

    Muted Well-Known Member Premium Member

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    If he's being abusive, it makes it impossible to heal because then he's constantly stirring things up.

    I can relate to so many counselor's just not getting it. Narcissists (if he is one) can make life a secret hell. Outsiders blame you because unless they've been there, they often just don't get it.

    I gave up on therapy for a long time once too, but I was referred to my current one and I'm glad I didn't give up. I've gone to so many counselor's and therapists over the years, but she's the only one that truly gets me and hears me. Don't give up, you will find the one who's a fit for you.
     
    ladee likes this.
  8. ladee

    ladee I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    The loneliest I ever felt was while married... I did not have the tools to juggle all that is required to take care of myself and be a partner... but i also have lousy taste in men... I own that.
    Not knowing all the circumstances, it can't be said enough, that we have to figure out how to take care of our self... and if he is willing to try counseling again.... give it a try...
    And married or not, we still have to learn how to deal with our triggers.... it doesn't have to be all or nothing.... hoping you can work something out that works for you . It can be very confusing... but you are very successful in your life, I have faith in you that you will find your answer....
     
    OneBloodyMoment likes this.
  9. Wjk

    Wjk New Member

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    Oh wow. I am so so grateful you wrote that for me. I am a very all or nothing person. To think about what do I want, what makes me happy I go blank. Makes me sound like some angel from the heavens. I'm not perfect, I have standards n like things certain way. Doesn't mean I get those things!! Thought of trusting him I go rigid. Even things he says. His opinions. Then I'll find myself trusting him n feel good. Then something happens and knocks me back. Hate it. Yes, I need to work myself out for me. How and where do I start??
     
    ladee likes this.
  10. Wjk

    Wjk New Member

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    I've been told EMDR is good. My mum is narcissistic. In and out of my life now. We moved 400miles to get away. Now 100 south of original home town, (500mile from first move) and she found us. Think it was tx msg from mum about step dad that was final trigger today. Husband works in same place as me, I left few wks ago and have started new job. But 'friend' there who claims to dislike my husband, was looking after our place whilst we were on holiday, on collecting spare key she walked upto him hugged him and wished him happy holiday! This has been brewing in me since then, 24th Aug. I tx her yesterday, after being home over week. Reply was simple, I'm good thanks how are you? I'm left thinking something going on between them. This is how paranoid my head is. N I swirl off into thinking am I safe.. Hate it. Hate it. Then go on functioning in life doing g my sport and meeting friends, looking after our home, teenage daughter, young puppy.
     
    ladee likes this.
  11. ladee

    ladee I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    You said you are not keen on counselors or therapists... have you been to therapy just on your own? Just for you?
    sometimes we have to shop around for the right fit, ya, it's not fair , but there is no way around it...
    This journey is hard enough with help, not to mention trying to do it alone..... would you be willing to try therapy one more time... we need a guide to navigate these troubled waters... that hear us, that understand how confusing it all is...
    If not, then it is up to you to self educate... which can be very daunting if you are not sure where to start... just pick one, the PTSD, and educate yourself... tons of articles and books to be read on this subject....

    I have been blessed with good T;s when I needed them.... so is that a possibility to help you get moving on your journey.... ??? Just a suggestion for you to consider. gentle hugs.
     
  12. Wjk

    Wjk New Member

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    I have tried several things. Counselling, holistic healing, became a Christian (that was soul destroying!) hospital lost my notes for EMDR earlier this year, but friend who's daughter recovered well having EMDR for ptsd encore me to go back again. My cry is suicide. I don't know what else to thi k of. I'm terrified there is not an answer. It's what to do with my husband. What might diet to get into.. Trust him, tried that I get hurt. Live together but separate lives???? Focus on me.????
     
    ladee likes this.
  13. ladee

    ladee I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Focus on you, that's the only thing you can really change... and by working on you, other things start to make sense and you have a more clear picture of what you want..... none of it's easy, but you do know suicide is not the answer... you haven't given yourself a chance to find good people to help you understand and to help you thru it....
    Your confusion is normal, and the possibility you weren't as ready to do the work in the past, as you are now.... there is no sequence this journey takes.... would be nice if we knew what to expect next, but it doesn't work like that.... you can do this..... and I believe you want to...

    Just need a place to start ... and starting with yourself will get you where you want to be...
     
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