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How Can I Stop The Automatic Negative Self Talk?

Discussion in 'Core Beliefs / Cognitive Distortions' started by Marilyn_S, Sep 5, 2007.

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  1. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    I'll try not to be too wordy but I'm having a problem with this automatic negative self talk. Its like there is this mean person in my head that at any moment is ready and poised to speak insults to me, but its me for crying out loud!!!! Things that come to mind are:

    "You are so stupid! You should just keep your big mouth shut."

    "What an idiot!"

    "You deserve to be insulted and put down because you are a big fool!"

    "I'm not worth being protected or God would not have allowed me to be hurt by so many in my life."

    I know its weird that such long statements could be so automatic but they really are. I can not seem to discount them as false. I can in my mind but in my heart I feel pain.

    Does anybody else have this problem and if so do you have any suggestions?

    Marilyn S.
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I know I mentioned this before and some people are just not willing to put post it notes all over their home... For months. But this really did me good on so many different things.

    Get two different colors. On one color all the bad thoughts. Then on the other color good ones to counter with.

    "You are so stupid! You should just keep your big mouth shut." Say I am not stupid. I have a valuable opinion! No reason I should keep it to myself.

    "What an idiot!" I am not an idiot, just because things don't work means I at least tried!


    "You deserve to be insulted and put down because you are a big fool!" I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect! Every human does. I am not a fool, I am human and have rights to human error.

    "I'm not worth being protected or God would not have allowed me to be hurt by so many in my life." - This one I think you should try. Please share your go at it as this is a big one.

    You learn this with repetition just like you learned the negative. If you tell yourself something untrue enough you will eventually believe it as fact. So take those post its and make copies. Put in the bathroom, next to your sitting area, in the kitchen... You get the idea. So they are always in plain site. Eventually pull down the bad thoughts but leave the good (basically when you get the bad thought and it is followed by the good just as fast). Leave it long enough that the good comes without trying. Post its can last well on some surfaces (one has been next to my oven 8 months lol) It takes a long time but well worth it. Welcome back.
     
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Another thing I noticed. You keep saying you to yourself? Is that for typing purposes or the way it comes across to you? Just wondering if all the yous are from others putting that style of thinking in your head? I will have to go back and reread to recall the aspects of your issues as it has been busy here. But just wondered if you would clarify?
     
  5. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    Thank You veiled. I think some of the stuff did come from others stuffing it in my head, especially my mother. She used to call me a stupid little idiot. She once told me that when I talked to other people and spilled my guts that I just made a fool of myself. Sometimes its like the automatic negative self talk is even in her voice. I know that sounds a bit weird but I can actually hear her voice in my head. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm trying to get sympathy. I don't feel a bit sorry for myself at the moment, lol! Sometimes I do though and I have to remind myself I'm a big girl know and only I can validate myself and protect my own psychie. Its difficult sometimes to understand or know how to trust myself and believe in myself because I've lived through so much, but I'm glad I'm me. I'm glad you are you too because you are a very sweet and special person. Marilyn S.
     
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  6. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    You don't sound like your trying to get sympathy. Hearing your abusers words in your head is internalization of the abuse and it's very common.

    It's also harder than hell to work through.

    V's been trying to get me to do pop up notes for awhile now.. I was looking at them in the store! Thinking of trying it out myself!

    bec
     
  7. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Doesn't sound weird at all. Sounds very normal. And it is very good you have a good idea where this comes from. Now think how many years of "training" it took for her to do that. And your own mother. You can change it though, you just have to retrain your brain ;) So know you are more than welcome to spill your guts and not a soul here would think you are a fool! You know we want you well and everyone here was waiting for you with open arms. You are already doing great. And thank you, gonna make me blush.
     
  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Damn I knew I forgot to send you something bec lol.
     
  9. nobody

    nobody Active Member

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    I think my family thinks im stupid too... but we will prove them wrong Marilyn. We will prove them all wrong.
    :gunem-dow
    :die:
     
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  10. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

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    You are right, nody, we will show them by getting better and healing dispite their abuse.

    Veiled, I'm going to wal-mart today to buy some post its! Great idea! Especially about using the different colors.
    Until Later, love, Marilyn S.
     
  11. vera

    vera Active Member

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    it happens to me too... it's like you try to think but instead of thinking you are a listener, and this big mass of negative comments keeps spinning and spinning and you can't stop it!
    i hear my mother's voice sometimes, even though she's been a good mum, and a few teachers' and the ones of some other people i know.
    in my case, i notice they're all people i'm sometimes affraid don't like me. like... i want them to like me, but instead i get this sick judging court inside my head.
    do you listen to other people's voices besides your mom's?
     
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  12. kers

    kers I'm a VIP

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    Augh, this is currently my biggest problem. I've spent a miserable two weeks because I stopped fighting back against the stupid critical voices. My counselor encourages me to tell myself, "this is (abuser)'s voice, not mine," but it's hard since it FEELS like it's me. It feels like it must be true.

    I feel like I'm making some progress just in noticing how much it hurts me to be self-critical. I feel like I have made a victory if I get myself to even doubt a part of the voice. So if I think to myself, "Well, maybe I didn't *totally* **** that up," that's a step in the right direction. At least I'm planting a doubt.
     
  13. Abundant1

    Abundant1 New Member

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    I can totally relate

    I completely understand the "voices" deal. I used to have "I don't deserve...fill in the blank with whatever it was I was wanting at the time" I don't know who the voice belonged to, but I set it free with EFT. Hey, that rhymed.

    Here's what I did. well, a scaled down version, because I can't link to the diagram that shows the tapping points of EFT. You can do a search for EFT, and somebody somewhere will have a diagram of the tapping points for you. Google "EFT Tapping Points" or "The emotional freedom technique"

    Ok, The "Karate Chop Point" on the side of your hand, where you would hit a block if you "karate chopped" it. Tap on that about 5 times, and say "Even though I don't deserve to be happily married-" Just using this as an example "I deeply and completley love and accept myself" Then do it 2 more times. still tapping.

    then I would tap on all the tapping points using the reminder phrase "I'm not worthy"

    Every time I recognized that MonkeyMind chatter, I would tap on it, and before I knew it, I don't have any self-talk at all. Then it was time to tap "IN" some positive self talk. so I make a fist and "knock" on the collarbone, saying "I can do anything I set my mind to" "I deserve the best" "I am a dynamic, powerful, resourceful woman" and all kinds of stuff that makes me feel good.

    Sounds like some kind of Hokey Voo-doo, I know, but it works. you might search the EFT website for PTSD, several practitioners are seeing great results with it. That's one of the reasons I wanted to become an EFT practitioner, so I could help people with PTSD. (I had no idea it could be caused by so many different things, I thought it was only something soldiers and cops got. MAN am I learning alot, including that I may have had it myself at one point!)

    Much love to you and everyone else here.
    Susan Denham
     
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