i was in therapy for 2 years. Second year 2 times a week. My t was amazing in the first year. I couldn't believe that I found someone so proffesional, smart and with sense of humor. After the first year I started to have flashbacks of sexual abuse. I was terrified and didn't want to deal with it. She suggested that we deal with it slowly and a much as I want. I agreed and there started the worst year of my life. She doesn't specialized in trauma. But she did her best and I appreciated that very much. After 6 month something happened. She started to look distant and I was not sure that she was with me in the room. After a while she became inpatient and angry with me. When i told her that I don't feel she cares anymore she got angry and called my behavior passive agrresive. The energy in the room was of an abuse. She said that she will not accept being abused by me. And then told me I m not a Plesent person and I am like a burden. The next time she looked worried and asked how I feel after the last meeting. I tried to please her so said that I thank her for her boldness. It became worse and worse. And I took a break from the therapy. She got angry and wished good luck by SMS. And that's the way it was over.
Now after 6 month I think that she was good t that decided to treat trauma without experience. She got burned out. Tired. She was very experienced T with a big position in a hospital. She lectured in university and thought she could handle it. The transference and counter transference in sexual abuse is terrible and it was too much for her. I have learned from the good she gave me nod from the bad.
I have new therapist. Specialize in sexual trauma. She say it's not my fault what happened with the old t. And encourage me to speak about the trauma when I'm ready. But I can't. I can't do it again. I see the difference. I feel that this time the therapy is about me and not bout the t. All the space is for me and it's strange. I am afraid that she will not be able to hold the space like the old one. I want to tell her but I can't.
Did you ever had same experience?
What can I do?
Thank you !!!
Now after 6 month I think that she was good t that decided to treat trauma without experience. She got burned out. Tired. She was very experienced T with a big position in a hospital. She lectured in university and thought she could handle it. The transference and counter transference in sexual abuse is terrible and it was too much for her. I have learned from the good she gave me nod from the bad.
I have new therapist. Specialize in sexual trauma. She say it's not my fault what happened with the old t. And encourage me to speak about the trauma when I'm ready. But I can't. I can't do it again. I see the difference. I feel that this time the therapy is about me and not bout the t. All the space is for me and it's strange. I am afraid that she will not be able to hold the space like the old one. I want to tell her but I can't.
Did you ever had same experience?
What can I do?
Thank you !!!