I have just got back from visiting my parents. I went yesterday morning. It feels like I've been away for weeks, not a day and night. I talked to my mum about work and that I'm having problems again. She says she doesn't understand. She was freaked out, but trying hard to pretend that she wasn't. My Dad just complained about having toothache. The worst part was yesterday lunchtime. We were just finishing lunch when the dogs all jumped up and went to the front door. My brother had just walked in. My mum immediately jumped up and started fussing round him (I told her 2 years ago about some of the abuse), looking at me as if to say "please don't start anything". I have never once started anything during any visit. I am too afraid of the consequences. However, if he ever starts anything, I really don't know if I would just cower in the corner, or if I would really be able to fight back. I worry about this every time I go to see my parents. I don't understand how I can get terrorised by flashbacks and nightmares from the slightest trigger when I am away from my family and I have nightmares both before and after visiting them, but when I am actually with them, in the place where I was abused, I remain perfectly calm throughout. It is not until I have got a few streets away that it all hits me. Since I got back home I have been hot, with the shakes and feeling sick. I am also very tired, but I am afraid of what the night will bring. On the bright side, at least I survived another visit to the family, and I will not be expected to visit again for a couple of months at least.