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How Do I Drill Down To Something Smaller?

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lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
So to follow anthony's process:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/finding-negative-core-beliefs.86549/

Which ive been trying SO hard to do, i need to take one SMALL core belief and challenge it BUT i cant seem to get to anything small. All i can seen to get to is "Im bad" (too broad), "god told them to" (too broad), "i didnt say no & just take the punishments" (seems to lead me to a feeling and feelings arent supposed to me in this).

My attempt before the blame shift from my diary:

"I let them do it to me" and "i didnt refuse to kill small animals"

Means im weak? Am i doing that right? You answered the again but i cant seem to go anywhere else

Or i can answer it the way my therapist does; I was threaten if I didnt, id be punished so,

I was scared of punishments...next ine leaves me with just

I was scared. (But this is a feeling)

Someone, anyone, please give me some starting points, or ideas, and i'll come off the board and do it on my own but i'm bouncing around in my head having not a clue where to start.
 
Hi losrforgottensoul
I can't pretend to have the answers but I know in my own situation I've had to sort out where to take personal responsibility and where to let myself off the hook.
For example, I was sexually molested as a child by a man who asked me to marry him.
I said yes.
I also said yes when he asked if I loved him.
For many years that yes made me feel dirty, wrong and to blame.
The fact is that as s child I would have said yes to most things an adult asked if me because I thought snc had been raised to believe that it was rude and naughty not to agree to an adults wishes.
I am not responsible for what an afult man imposed upon me as a child.
You agreed to kill small animals. I'm sure that was probably really traumatic as a child - and then just numbing. You were under the care of people that were all wrong. They were wrong to do that!
You are not weak, you were, through no fault of your own, with wrong thinking and unsafe people.
Someone should have been looking out for you as a child.
That is not your fault at all and reflects nothing on your character except that you suffered and faced things as a child that no child should have to.
Now as an adult the care of your own soul falls upon you - and it's not easy when you haven't had good caretakers or teachers along the way.
Not easy but not impossible!
But we all need guidance. Im glad you have s good therapist!
You may not trust your own intiition having been raised to go against it
But it's still there. Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Forgive yourself when you falter. And always love the person you are and know yourself to be deep down.
Your confusion is natural after all you've lived through!
Why do you feel you need to do it on your own? Nobody can do it all on their own.
I'm really sorry for what you had to go through and wish you much peace and healing.
 
Keeping a thought journal log might be an important step to help narrow out the thoughts. It's different than a trauma diary. There are tons of examples online how to do one.

I write it out like a journal, rather than a spreadsheet, but I always number it to make sure I have all the parts to it.
"I let them do it to me" and "i didnt refuse to kill small animals"

Means im weak? Am i doing that right? You answered the again but i cant seem to go anywhere else
If your thought behind "I let them do it to me" is "I am weak" then for you, that is the thought. (For other people who think "I let them do it to me" they may have different core beliefs that lead to that thought.)

Overall, you have the pattern right on how to identifying a negative core belief to work on. (As far as I can tell.)

If you follow the link @Ayesha posted, the next step from there is to name the type of distortion that this core belief is.
 
I agree with with the above posts. Start small. If you are facing a mountain of Core Beliefs visualize it as a Large Jig Saw puzzle not yet started, pick up the first piece; what does it look/feel, place etc.. Where should you look to put/deal with... think about it, if you can't find its true place put a number on it (as in a journal but with a description of that piece as part of the trauma you can't find its rightful place) set it aside. (With the intention of picking it back up & dealing with it in the future) sort through the rubble of pieces till you find the first piece (core belief) work on that, find its true place, find it's connections to other pieces but deal with one at a time. Patience & forgiveness of yourself & start placing the blame where it should belong, squarely at the feet of those perpetrators who manipulated your young developing psych & brain for their own sick pursuits.
You can't charge at it & expect results overnight, sometimes you may wake & think, 'hang on....' and grab a little piece and KNOW that that particular way of thinking is far off balance. All little steps towards seeing the whole picture, who is in it, their part of developing you to where you struggle today. But as frustrating as it is, patience & method are critical to identifying - challenging & changing those beliefs just like almost every thing in life, the beginning is the key. You know it's there.
 
I was sexually molested as a child by a man who asked me to marry him.
I said yes.
I also said yes when he asked if I loved him.
For many years that yes made me feel dirty, wrong and to blame.
The fact is that as s child I would have said yes to most things an adult asked if me because I thought snc had been raised to believe that it was rude and naughty not to agree to an adults wishes

I tossed this around a lot but feel like im running in a circle; but maybe b/c theres too many factors in it.

Like this (cuz i can almost totally identify with it).

My step dad (the same man the did & forced me to do very horrible things) had "gentle sex" w/ me & said he loved me & wanted to marry me. I enjoyed it (i think), i still today discribe him as my first love and for 6 yrs would seek him out and even today think about him which causes a shit load of shame a guit.

So if i break that down smaller: i feel ashamed for falling in love with my step father at age 12 & still thinking of him today. (Though not sure if i should break the past from today...if if today is the most important part as thats where most of the shame lies)

Feelings out: i fell in love with my step father at age 12 and still think of him today.

This is the issue: If thats true what does that mean about me?

To be loved i have to have sex.

If this is true what does that me about me?

1) I define sex as love because i wanted to be loved and its the only "good touch" i had and today its how i make myself feel loved.

2) its natural for the human body to react to sexual stimulation (fact but theres gotta be something around that as it causes TON of shame)

Working off the 1st one only; if thats true what does that mean about me?

I wanted and still want to be loved.

Problem is this isnt a bad thing. I define negitive core belief is a bad core belief or one that needs to be changed/challenged.

I know the issue and where shame lies w/ this is 1) that i allowed him to (if i work with that it leads me to the same place), 2)i longed for it and 3) still today feel loved by having sex.

I feel like im running in circles because i cant seem to take just one thing; one thing that happened and break it down to just one core belief to challenge. Theres too much around all of it and even when i try to break those into pieces up it leads to something like this.

Now the one in the post left me both with im weak (def a core belief, so i can work on that).

And im was scared (but scared is a feeling and feelings arent parf of this, and its not something i can seem to accept; b/c in my opinion because scared and being punished is better than killing small aminals but i choose to kill the animals).

I have not a clue if im even doing if right.

I dont know how to break up the MANY different things, each broad topics in the past, into smaller ones like "i am bad".

Another thing i do that my therapist and i talk about (that i dont know how to stop doing) he says that its not fair for my adult self to judge my child self's actions.

But how does one do that?

Why do you feel you need to do it on your own? Nobody can do it all on their own.

MANY reasons, more so after reading how Ive apparently made some feel on here; though i still dont get why they cant see that i only moved the blame last Friday easy AM est, just a few days ago and it was impossible (even though i still tried as hard as i could) to really get anywhere, to take in much of anything because while i had full blame on me, there wasnt a way i could make any change.

Though Im feeling the blame may had moved back. Not sure yet.

But i feel that if i make people feel that way here (even though i am trying as hard as i can the only way i know how) then I should just come off the board.

Really, numbers dont even matter here as it was the content of what was said.

The other reason is no one can tell me what my core beliefs are or how i believe but me but im struggling, have no clue if im doing it right, or even how to challenge it without challeging thoughts/replies.

But will do so...
 
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So if i break that down smaller: i feel ashamed for falling in love with my step father at age 12
Staying with that one topic for a second. I think there are ways to dissect that thought too.

1) Is a 12 YO CAPABLE of "falling in love" in an adult way?
2) At that age, does a kid really know what it means to "be in love"?
3) Can a 12 YO make an informed choice?
4) See possible motives in others?
5) Tell if the person they are "in love" with actually loves THEM in a healthy way?
6) I'm pretty sure you can keep going with this. More questions?
Different people probably find somewhat different approaches to this to be more or less useful for them. For me, I find that I've made a lot of assumptions I'm not aware of and quite a few of them aren't accurate. I use this sort of process to look for assumptions and then to try to decide, based on more accurate, up to date information, whether or not the assumptions were/are valid.
 
I have not a clue how im gonna do any of this without clearer minds giving me challenging replies (always listened to, even if my brainwashed self fights it, the me inside screaming for help but has no idea how to get out listens and takes it all in; even when people couldnt see that).

I feel im gonna end up doing what ive been doing for 7 yrs, fighting myself.

But i also feel thats whats being asked of me and certianly dont want to make people feel unfortable or a safe community a 'war zone' or feel unsafe or make people upset...
 
1) Is a 12 YO CAPABLE of "falling in love" in an adult way?
2) At that age, does a kid really know what it means to "be in love"?
3) Can a 12 YO make an informed choice?
4) See possible motives in others?
5) Tell if the person they are "in love" with actually loves THEM in a healthy way?
6) I'm pretty sure you can keep going

No.

However, just answering that has a no and leaving it there, i still think if him today, have no clue why, and theres a ton of shame and judgement around it. Why?

I know i still see myself different than everyone else, other, and dont know how to change that. If i can change just that i think it would help a lot.
 
However, just answering that has a no and leaving it there, i still think if him today, have no clue why,
Once you have a basic "yes or no" answer (if it's something that can be answered that way), keep picking it apart. My T tells me I'm "not allowed" to ask myself "why?" He says I can ask HIM that, if I absolutely have to, but that there's usually a better way to ask the question. (Just sayin', since you went with "why?")

So, what are some reasons that you might still think of him today? Come up with as many as you can think of. They don't have to be "right?" They don't even have to make sense. Just think of and record as many reasons as you can come up with.
 
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