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How Do I Explain The PTSD............

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by pandora, Aug 30, 2007.

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  1. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    I know he has a round about idea about some things. i just don't know how much to tell without scaring him off. he is very understanding but i just don't know how to phrase it...

    You see, i have this really bad anxiety disorder and i fear a lot of people and situations because a strager attacked me and held a pillow over my face and raped me more than one way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do you tell someone this.....or do you?
    i would like to have complete and total honesty, i want him to like me for the good and the bad but how do you tell someone something so horrific!
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I think on this you should tell exactly what is necessary. No more. If you jump in with too much at once it is likely you would scare someone off. Stick with your symptoms and needs. Not exactly why you have them.

    If they have a genuine interest they will accommodate. In time you can go into gory details, but not when something is so new. This is not being dishonest, this is taking your time. No one gives a life story at first, that is part of learning about someone AKA the dating process.
     
  4. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Pandora,

    You could give him information on PTSD to read, and then if HE wants to know why or what happened, explain to him that you just don't feel comfortable telling him everything just yet. You don't have to go into graphic detail about anything. Just generalize.....

    Wen
     
  5. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    I agree with She Cat.. tell him about the PTSD and then see how interested he is and if he reads up on it and stuff. I wouldn't tell him details... but then again in this day and age where so much happens so often he might just figgure out something of the general idea. or you could just simply tell him you where raped by a stranger if he askes what happened. I don't think he would want to know the details.. its probobly the PTSD stuff he is curious about and if he has a son it might be he's just making sure its safe for his son to be around you! LOL as funny as it might sound with you worried about him.. he might be thinking lots of the same stuff too!
     
  6. Claire

    Claire Well-Known Member

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    I find that people understand the idea of shell shock best. I use this to explain the basics of PTSD to people that want or need to know. For example they understand that a soldier thats been to war might jump at a car back firing or a firework going off. I find its the easiest way to break it down, then go from there. If I can get the person to understand this then I go to more specific examples of my own trauma ( a car crash). Eg. the washing machine when on the spin cycle sounds like a car engine to my head! = its frightening! I think it probably depends of the individual and the culture too though. I guess british people know of shell shock from the second world war when it was more common and then more accepted into the public awarenesss.
     
  7. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

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    I have told people exactly how it affects me now. Some people freak out over it, and some are understanding. Like my flashbacks. It's not one memory for five or ten minutes. Very rarely even one minute. Instead it's like a film strip, each traumatic event has it's own frame. And I see it all at once. My terror-mares, a shrink told me it's a panic attack. I asked him if he ever had one, and he said no. So I told him he doesn't know a damn thing. I've had panic attacks, and the terror-mares are very different and far worse.

    If they don't "know", let's hope they never do. If they do, have them in our prayers because that means they have been through them or going through them now. And those that refuse to understand, pray they never have to know, because they won't last.
     
  8. Grama-Herc

    Grama-Herc I'm a VIP

    Pandora!! You asked a question I've been trying to figure out for a long time. How do you explain what PTSD is and how it makes you feel? What words can be used to explain the inside of us that is in full panic or terror or any number of emotions we go through on a daily basis.

    I've been trying to explain this to my mother for years. She has tryed to understand and has done alot to educate herself on the subject. But this is something that I think is undescribable. How do you put actual PTSD into words. I m open to any suggestions from anyone as I'm sure you are too!

    I do agree completely with all the others. Explain the disease not the cause. The cause can be introduced when the time is right and I believe you will know when.
     
  9. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

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    Hi Pandora.

    I've been in the opposite shoes and have to agree with Veiled. Tell him you have panic attacks and your needs surrounding them. Address each issue/situation as it arises rather than blurting everything out at once. I learnt more by watching Anthony and asking him questions after him telling me he had PTSD and not much more. Anthony did give me some literature to read (obviously when he thought the time was right) to satisfy my curiousity. Anthony and I now have an understanding in that, as I do not understand PTSD and do not know anything else than what I have experienced with him, he will try to let me know what has caused any sickness and what I can do (and that it is not my fault if I have not triggered him) and we go from there. I accept Anthony has PTSD and I will try and learn about it but experience is the best teacher and being overwhelmed with information (whether factual or someone's life story) would probably turn me off a bit.

    Does this help?
     
  10. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

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    By saying I agreed with Veiled I meant do not go into a lengthy discussion about what caused the panic attacks and just say you get them, what happens when you do and what he needs to do (if anything). If he wants to know all the gory details let him ask and then put it off until you have established a deeper relationship where you feel like you can trust him with your 'secrets/past'. That way, if it doesn't work out, you won't feel like you've exposed all of your private self too soon. The more a person falls into "like" with you the more they will be open to things but the same information at the start of a new relationship can sometimes seem to "heavy", especially for men. Don't avoid the truth, tell it as it is but leave the detail for another time.
     
  11. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Pand,

    When I first met Ryan, I told him I had PTSD. It took me a few more weeks to start getting into my symptoms, and then around month 2, I just gave him an outline of why I have PTSD. I won't go into details, as I'm not comfortable with that. However, each time we get a little more into it. We have plans for when I panic, anxiety attacks, rage, emotional flashbacks, depressed etc...

    Just start small. I have PTSD. Then start with what it is. Then what your symptoms are. Then what they look like etc...

    That way it's comfortable for you and not overwhelming for him and at any time you can call a halt to it.

    That's my two cents.

    bec
    (Now remember.. this is coming from the I'm freaking out cause I'm in a relationship person too! LMAO)
     
  12. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Thank You everyone.....this still has me overthinking the situation completely. We are still speaking on the phone and plan to get together soon, not sure when though.
    I appreciate everyones comments and suggestions. Thank You.
     
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