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How Do People Have Lives? Work, Marriage, Children...

Discussion in 'General' started by batgirl, Jan 9, 2007.

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  1. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    This is not really a question, just more of an observation... I read a lot of posts on the forum here, although I don't always comment. I never know quite how to say it, but I've noticed that many of you have LIVES....you're married, you have kids, you have friends, you work, go to school, etc. How do all you manage that with the PTSD?!? I'm really amazed how you can all handle so much, and admire you really.

    I mean me, I am this total hermit. PTSD just consumes my life entirely, and I've altered my life totally to accomodate it. My family is around now, but they have to push me to do anything, even brush my teeth, or shower or eat. I have no friends, not in a relationship (and never have been, either!), I don't have a job, I don't go to school, I never go anywhere.... in fact... I could stay inside for 2 weeks or more as long as I had food. When I am out somewhere, I stare at the ground, talk to myself, avoid eye contact, avoid people. Just avoid, avoid, avoid basically. And most of the time I don't really feel that bad about it either. Actually a lot of the time I feel nothing at all. I am getting better, I'm starting to do more and my family is helping me and coming on here helps me as well.... but I don't know... am I the only person on here who is like so totally cut off from society? Did some of you used to be like me and then got better? Really, I just don't know how you do it.
     
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  3. reallydown

    reallydown I'm a VIP

    Hi batgirl,

    I don't do much beyond going to school and even that is increasingly hard to do, not to mention doing the work for it. I have few friends and mostly communicate with people when I absolutely have to and, like you, have not been in a serious relationship. I can also go for weeks without leaving the house. Sometimes I have days when I feel like going out or doing something but by the time I get around to it the will, and energy, just goes away. Having said that, I still do have (though very rarely, especially lately) days when I do get stuff done, or I do go out. My guess is that as we deal with thi smore and more and learn more ways to control it, some of those things are going to get better too, so hang in there.
     
  4. Andre

    Andre Active Member

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    I do not know about anyone else but for my part, you should not admire what I have done because I am not very successful either and the way I did things is the furthest from anything healthy that could be done. I can say that it is truly difficult to continue pursuing any education with all of this. Before I entered high school I had no ideas about college and after I returned from the hospital I did not really deal with my problems at all. Back then I just denied them persistently so in addition to not remembering much of my previous life after the accident I developed almost no memories for years while I did that. I can say more about what I did afterwards simply because the increased strain was regularly almost too much to bear. Without any plan for what to do I chose the local place and pushed myself towards impossible expectations until I burned out, failed half of my courses. Lather, rinse, repeat. Each semester after that first I did not allow myself to admit burning out and my health wore away more and more. My grades were fine once I did that, except for math and that was what I had expected to follow most as it looked like it would have been the way to some sort of career.

    I lost more and more dexterity on my left side as time progressed without rest and like in high school it would be completely numb for days at a time. Other times the nerves just did not respond, or would spasm for a while but not move in any coordinated fashion. I have not mentioned it before-I lost the ability to move my left side for a while after a few seizures when I was in the hospital after my accident so it was not any surprise to me at the time or sign of worse condition so do not worry that it was anything major, please. I also gained and lost about 20 pounds each semester and continued with a marching gait from ignoring all pain. Everything was introductory courses but without many memories it did help to have exposure to the variety of information and I took more than I needed. It also helped to watch how others interacted in groups on the campus.

    What I mean by all of this is to say that, for me at least, this cost my health and I failed terribly as my goals slipped further and further down and the time to get even the lowest degree slipped further out each year and have only a few real gains but there were a few real gains from going on for more education. I am still at it, taking one course this semester that cost as much as about three others since I need it and I still have another semester after this to get that lowest degree by taking the last required course. I am better at dealing with things and my health has improved since I have reduced my obligations like this. Now that I have begun to actually face this greater problem I think it will improve more over time. Socially I resemble you in many respects. I go out with my brother and his friend occasionally but that has been the only social activity I have been able to keep up over the years. You at least are not doing what I did and are not tearing yourself apart relentlessly and pointlessly. When you do figure out what you want and are able to do, please maintain your health and do not ignore discomfort as that does nothing except hurt you.
     
  5. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    Oh thanks RD and Andre... I guess I was a bit hasty thinking I'm the only one who has these issues. Yeah I'm totally hopeful the situation will improve, just lately I've been realizing how isolated I've become, and it's kind of scary. At least though I've allowed my family back in my life.

    Sorry about your physical health problems, Andre. They sound pretty major. Are you better now?
     
  6. Andre

    Andre Active Member

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    I am doing better now. I have not felt that numbness for about a year, and can only remember spasms a few times last year. There is still a noticeable difference between my left hand and leg compared to the right, but I think that is from difference in muscle more than the problems I had before.
     
  7. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    Well I'm glad you're a little better. Having chronic illness on top of the PTSD really sucks.
     
  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    You know I have a husband and kids. But remember I just lost my farm too. I couldn't hang. So don't expect too much from yourself. I thought it was amazing you could function and support yourself! I am amazed people can work too. Me keep a schedule... not likely for a long time now. When hubs goes back to work little one will be in day care. But that is unitl school lets out in 4 months. Then the MIL will be retiring from teaching and take over so it will be brief daycare then going to the grandma's until I can do it alone again.

    Also, for me, you have to think about my history with guys as to why I have kids and marriage. You have read some of my diary. I was, as far as men, the polar opposite as you as that was just a way of life. Also, I was about as drunk as drunk could get most of the time to function. Hell, I swear I drank to feel sober. I have never held a job I could not consume alcohol at. Even in the flower shop where I worked with orchids and made arrangements I had a bottle in the back fridge.

    It just got to a point one day (and yes, it all came in on me in a day when it really hit bottom over a year and a half ago) that the sympyoms went way beyong control and I thought I had officially lost my ever loving ming mind... No amount of alcohol could calm me and ended up make my symptoms worse, so they drugged me up on 10 mg xanax a day to function (that stopped working too). I just happened to be married at the time. I had not worked outside the home in years and only did my farm but when that happened I could not even take care of gardens, keep fields maintained, and care for the animals... All done without others around me in solitude but I still could no longer even get from my bed to do it. I honestly believe had I not been married at the time I would have ended up being one of those "crazy people" you see homeless on the streets. I am not kidding or strecthing there either.

    See, I am cared for. My husband truly is stuck with the title caregiver. I am getting better, I am improving, I am no where near as bad off as I was, but I still have a way to go. But I have made it a long way in the most horrible of my symptoms. I had a very very rare day yesterday, functioning. Hubs had not seen it in a very long time. His reaction was "what kind of fall out will happen?" as anytime I push myself there is a crash cycle. So far not much my neck just hurts and asusual I was up most of the night. He saw me this AM and said well, I did not think it would last but it is a step. I did have a good day.

    I told him yesterday that maybe this is not as horrible a curse as I had thought. He of course looked at me crazy. I said think about it, you go to sleep every night, you sleep, you get up and can drive, you can play with the baby, you can cook and not get confused, you can DO things and not freak out. You take it for granted. He said well, that is just the way he is. I said exactly and this is just the way I am and every step I make towards healing those glimpses of life when I do function I said are so sweet. I do not take one moment for granted as I do not know how long clairty and the sort will last. I opend all my blinds yesterday and let the sun in not worried is someone outside.

    Yesterday I lived and it was sweet and I cherished it, just one day I cherished as I felt somewhat like a normal person, just in a pissy mood. Today is back to my normal. I just think I am getting closer. Now normal people do not cherish those one days that peek in. When you have this you truly appreciate all others take for granted. I know I will never look at my life the same once I get back to a more "normal" way of life, and I also think I can have it.

    Sorry more info than you wanted LOL.
     
  9. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    No that's cool veiled, I appreciate it. I'd comment more but I'm sort of out of it myself at the moment, because I didn't go to bed last night at all... worried about nightmares. I was planning on going to bed when the sun came up, but then I ended up falling asleep at the kitchen table, and got woken up by Brian just now.

    Wow I never thought you'd be amazed by me! But yeah, I mean I guess I have survived too, all by myself, not very well maybe but I've done it. I really didn't take into account people's situations when I posted this. I don't know anything about marriage. I just assumed, if you're married, you must be somewhat together. I guess I shouldn't assume anything. Sorry. And yeah I have read your diary... duh I'm so stupid sometimes. I probably shouldn't post at all after midnight...

    Anyways I have to go now, I am being told to get off the computer and go to bed. Thanks again, it wasn't too much information, it was good!
     
  10. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Hey, we all assume things and never have a clear picture, that is sort of why we are the way we are huh... Everyone's home life is different. We all survive the best we know how and can, and that is proof we are strong as we still find a way to make it with this! And no you are never stupid (no put downs!), you do great here and are making great progress! And not post after midnight, then hell when do us insomniacs post LOL? This board would be empty!

    I was hoping for a daylight snooze too, (days are always better for shut eye) but little one not having it. Hope to get some soon. Maybe by lunch time I will get a nap. If that stupid cat quits howling.
     
  11. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

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    Thanks veiled. I am still on here lol so much for getting kicked off and going to bed. Brian went to the store so I got up and turned the computer on again. I have to carefully listen for the sound of the truck though because if he catches me up and on the computer I think he's going to be pissed off... and he's military police... not good to piss him off.

    Ugh howling cats. Is the cat in heat or something? I hope you manage to get some rest. I hope I do too... actually I'm not usually an insomniac, this is something new for me in the last couple of weeks. Usually I oversleep.
     
  12. Terry

    Terry Well-Known Member

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    Sure it's tough for all of us. Batgirl I've read alot of what you post here and eventhough you don't go out and stuff your outgoing, concerned about others, interesting....................... Don't put yourself down so much. You do contribute to society just in a different way. I had more to put here but it just went away. Damn I hate this memory stuff. Anyway you do more than you think you do !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  13. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Yes, the stupid thing is in heat. I normally adore her, but not right now! She just will not stop. I got a little snooze. I had just dozed off after 11 AM and hubs dropped my surround sound and it hit the wall. I shot out of bed screaming thinking something collapsed on my daughter (initial thought). Bad thing. Was up for a few more hours again, major attack and instead of nausea went to full blown puking, not sure if it was going to go the other way too either... Every single muscle hurt. It has been a very long time for it to be that intense, running into walls and incoherent, falling down. Love that panic. Used to when I hit that phase I was not on my meds and always ended up at the hospital. Hubs started poking pills down, first one came back up so he made me put the second under my tounge. Finally a few hours later I went out after a lot of talking me down and a baby oil rub. Even my muscles on my shin were hurting, it felt like major panic attack, with bad flu, and stumbling around like a drunk. Pill worked, he gave me a stronger one so I got up about 10:30 PM. I need to try to lay down again as I still feel like shit! Guess that was my "fall out" he expected. But I got about 7 hours of sleep and only woke once groggy not in panic and went back out.

    I slept an unreal amount during the bad depression. Before that zero sleep as when ever I tried I shot out of bed in panic. Now I sleep in increments as soon as I dream I am up then a few hours later try again... I would kill to do the normal one night of sleep, but like last time I slept through more than an hour or two the bad dreams came. That is the sucky side of sleep but it will stop once I deal with this latest hurdle as my nightmares are not near as often anymore except when dealing with an issue. This sleep was panic exaustion and drug induced, but hell, I could not even walk right and I think my toe nails are in the toilet so I am not going to beat myself for it.
     
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