Even though I have been married for 12 years now and have three children I can honestly come out and say I am as close to total isolation as I can be . I leave the house twice a day to take my oldest to school and back. I spend the rest of the day trying to push back everything that keeps rolling around in my head just so I can get through the day. I recently recieved a notice from the school because of the amount of days that my son has missed. If they miss more than 18 days of school they are held back. Most of the days that he has missed is because of my inability to leave the house. I have a very difficult time being there for the family physically. I cannot offer any emotional support as I can't feel anything and when I do its pain, anger. I was so bad last week my 10 year old told me to stop acting like I was pissed off at the world. Until recently it was as if my husband and I live in the same house with two different lives. Neither one of us trusts ourselves to talk to the other. Mostly my fault. I always end up blanking out on him or just leave reality. I havent worked since 2000, and I only worked for three months with my mom and her best friend cleaning town houses on one of our ski mountains. I didn't have to deal with the public and my mom was always there. Worst thing about that is my husbvand makes too much money for us to qualify for any help and I couldn't work long enough to build up the credits I need to file for disability. Believe me BG there are times when I wish for total solitude just to keep myself from causing my family more pain. Its not as easy as it seems. You have stregnth girl and don't you forget it. I applaud you. I still find my self wondering where everyone finds the stregnth that they have.