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General How do you be honest and not hurt their feelings?

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sportsgirl

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My wife has PTSD and she does an amazing job of living with it. Of course I live with it too, but obviously not as long. In the short time we have been together I have learned a great deal about it, but there are times I have a hard time, a really hard time and I get super, super mad; this is one of those times.
Maybe I am spoiled because I grew up an only child, but I also grew up an only child of chronic alcoholic parents; it was always the booze and themselves before me. That made me very angry.
Sometimes with the PTSD I feel that anger. I hate even saying this, but I feel like "hey what about me? What about my feelings? What about the sacrifices I am making?"
One of the first things I learned about PTSD was it is not about you and I say that so often when my wife is in the throes of an episode. I am truly glad I can be there for her and I know she is doing the best she can.
My wife hates feeling like she is a burden, so that, in my mind, prevents me from sharing how I really feel. She's not a burden, but gosh when are my feelings are going to be important?

Sorry for babling.
 
The way I look at it, I may as well be honest because his feelings are always going to be hurt. His feelings will be hurt if I tell him how I feel, his feelings will be hurt if I don't tell him how I feel, his feelings will be hurt if I lie and tell him everything is hunky dory. May as well be honest and tell him what I'm feeling.
 
I’m a supporter whose feelings were/are continuously hurt. There’s no easy way to hear that feelings have changed, you did this or you did that wrong, or to feel like you’re being played.
And then to be told or you read that you shouldn’t take it personally. Why not take it personally; you’re definitely suffering along with your sufferer for it.
 
Maybe I am spoiled because I grew up an only child, but I also grew up an only child of chronic alcoholic parents; it was always the booze and themselves before me.
As an only child myself who was neglected I am virtually throwing a shoe at you head (teasingly of course) Ya know, the spoiled only child thing is a myth. I was far from being spoiled and I doubt you were spoiled either. In fact, when you have a neglect or abuse situation like it sounds like you did with alcoholic parents, it can be even harder because we go through that shit alone. No siblings who can relate. So get that spoiled thing out of your head right now!

I hate even saying this, but I feel like "hey what about me? What about my feelings? What about the sacrifices I am making?"
I am the suffer, but I know my husband feels this way and has vocalized this pretty much word for word. I totally get why supporters can feel this way. I think it is completely valid that you guys feel this way.

My wife hates feeling like she is a burden, so that, in my mind, prevents me from sharing how I really feel. She's not a burden, but gosh when are my feelings are going to be important?
I can relate to your with when it comes to feeling like a burden but here is the the thing. When I am very symptomatic, I am not always in a place where I can respond the way I want to to my husbands needs but... when he doesn't express his feelings, it comes out in worse ways, and he gets passive aggressive because he is angry but feels like he can't express it so the he makes these shitty statements like "I am just not allowed to talk around here" in a pouting tones of voice and frankly, how my husband gets when he doesn't express how he feels pisses me off a whole lot more than when he is honest about how he feels, even if it hurts.

Yes, I am aware that my husbands needs can often get put on the back burner when I am in crisis mode, but the fall out from him not expressing how he feels is much worse than if he says something that might hurt my feelings.

There is also a huge difference between saying "I am feeling angry because my needs are being neglected" and "you don't give a damn about my feelings bitch" As long as you aren't saying it like the later, then please, please be honest and express yourself. I have seen what supporter burn out can do to a person, and the guilt from that is far worse for suffers than getting our feelings hurt a little.

Your feelings matter.
 
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