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How do you come to terms with ptsd?

Discussion in 'General' started by permban0077, Jul 21, 2006.

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  1. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    As I am learning about this condition I just don't seem to "feel" I have it even being diagnosed. I know I dealt with a lot of things and over react to minor things in general. I have been told forever to chill out, calm down, I have big issues with people seeming to display a total lack of decency or common sense.

    I asked someone close to me today... be honest, do I really have that short of a fuse? Oh yeah... was his response.

    OK... where I am hitting a wall and maybe I am not far enough with CBT to get it as we were working on getting my panic attacks from sprialing out of control. So far so good, I faced them, accept them and since they always made feel like I was dying I settled in for another round of hours worth of attacks to just keep coming determined to let them be as bad as they can be as I had a major trigger show up one day (perfect chance to try it), the ex that kidnapped and raped me who pops in to play dad once every year or two. Made him leave. As I laid their I stopped fighting the attack and let it "kill" me if it wants I could careless. And now they come but don't spiral out of control anymore, they last about 20 minutes and gone. But when they started there were no triggers, they would hit any time or where.

    But now when I get annoyed or too much is going on and try not to get upset or ticked off it triggers an attack... Like holding my tounge or temper makes an attack happen. Is this normal? How do you control your temper without it coming out in this form??? I feel like the steam needs to go some where and this is how it usually erupts on myself as to not take it out on all around me.

    I love my kids dearly but as the day wore on they were just getting out of hand, wrestling in a dog pile, bubble guns blown at me in the living room(those put out hundreds of bubbles), I asked as nicely as I could but firmly to stop. None listening; my husband home booms at them as he can recognize an attack a mile away now, this just makes it worse. Me yelling I feel better but I try to not do (not good at it) but a man yelling makes it even worse.

    Any advice?
     
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  3. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    You know, Veiled, I bet that your body is reacting to your current situations the same way that your body reacted during the assults. I'm sure there were words in your mind during your traumas that you would like to say, but didn't. I'm sure you were trying to stay in control even when the situation was not in your control. That feeling of restraint and control now triggers the same reaction now in the present. I can only explain what might be happening, but I'm really at a loss how to proceed. I hope with time, your symptoms will get better. I think if you get to the root of all the triggers, the traumas, then you symptoms will heal.

    Tell him not to yell. I know that is easy to say and hard to do, but he needs to try. You can handle only so many triggers in a given period. My hub is a yeller too. And we have adopted the whisper discipline tactic. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When a situation like that escalates, is there a way out for you? Can you take a walk? Do you have your own space where you can close the door, put headphones on and listen to music? You might need to make a space.

    Feel as in you don't fit the diagnosis, or you don't have the same emotions as other ptsd sufferers? Emotions at different points in your journey will vary greatly from time to time. Sometimes you'll feel denial, other times, you might feel angry, sad, frustrated, scared, etc.

    You have so much going on in your life! Just hang on, it's going to be a ride. Stay with therapy, don't quit your meds (if you are on any) without doctor's notice, and be good to yourself. I know as a mom, the last one is hard. Sometimes it's hard to get just one hour to yourself to do something that you truly enjoy. You've got to make that time.

    Just keep typing and venting, veiled, it will get better.
     
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Went to the CBT today, he said now I seem to have a good case of depression going now too as I come off the meds... Not shocked according to him, surprised me. But said he had never seen people respond to the evaluation like I did before, I seem to always surprise the docs for some reason. I am pretty straight forward and lay it all out. He doesn't have to dig. But on a bright note he dropped his fee down and did not charge me today. He made it clear he does not do a sliding scale but wants to help me, and knows I am working hard to get off the meds (don't worry under doctor supervision I am being tapered off. Knew I liked him! He found out I am the only one in the family not insured and cashed out retirement to cover my bills and threapy. Very nice of him. I think he really knows how desperate I am to get through this and be the best I can.

    He said he thinks I bottle up too much stress, anger, anxiety blah blah until I get ready to blow and do. As I am trying to not blow up and bite my tounge now it is coming in the form of a panic attack. So now I have to keep yet another journal about when I get upset and how I respond to try and teach me how to handle my anger and frustration and let it out without me (hopefully) have an attack, or me getting to the point of blowing up. Hope he can help!

    I have more forms to fill out again, but the fun part is my perception of me and actions on a rating scale along with a spot for others perception, ie a spot for my husbands thoughts to rate on the same questions. So he sees what I think and an objective point of view of someone close.

    I don't have to tell hubs to not yell any more, he knows it upsets me and all I have to do is raise my hands and say softly enough OK? He has been working on it so I have to give him credit there. He has been way supportive so I can't complain.
     
  5. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Veiled, maybe your putting a little too much expectation upon yourself, in that you may think that therapy is going to speed up your recovery beyond your minds and bodies control. Don't pressure yourself for recovery, just work at it as your mind and body allow you. Don't rush it. Your doing a great job with yourself from what your writing here...

    PTSD diagnosis is not about how you feel right at this moment, or at the moment when you are filling out evalutions and discussions. PTSD is about the "worst" you get a symptom, and not actually the "now" moment that your living. If your symptoms at your "worst" moment are all high, then that is what they look at for diagnosis, not how you feel right now.

    To put it to you another way, I will use myself as an example. I suffer very little of any symptoms on any given day. Maybe once a month, some depression might try and creep up on me, or if I place myself within a crowed shopping center without any mental preparation, then anxiety and panic will set in for a short duration until I am clear, and can calm myself down. So, because I don't have constant symptoms now, does that mean I no longer have PTSD? Not a chance. If something happened within my life to cause significant distress now, or undue pressure, I would fall down and most symptoms would return just as bad as I have ever had them, being all severe ratings.

    This is the difference in mental attitude towards your illness. Its ok to feel good again. Because you have an illness that has no cure, it doesn't mean you have to suffer it daily, or at its worst constantly. Its acceptable to control it within normal life expectations, but the illness and all the symptoms are still present, except you are just learning how to control them. If your husband or child died, I think just from reading that short statement, your mind is already ticking over to what would once again be the worst of your symptoms. But you know how to control them, so you could, if you desired, get them under control again quicker than what it first takes during the education and learning process off what works for you.

    The anger... now this is something your struggling with by the sounds of it. Here is a big tip for you. Anger is not an emotion... so what does that mean? It means that your statements about bottling other little things up until you explode, is what is causing your anger. If you are thinking about one small thing, or one small thing upsets you, at that point, you are able to discuss it, or atleast get your opinion out about it, thus it is no longer a small issue that is burdening you. If you have lots of these small issues, all of which come with there own emotions attached, all come together and release as anger, being the consequence of all those smaller emotions. If you tell your child to not do something, and they do it anyway, is that anger or you feel hurt, disoboyed, etc etc. You don't actually feel angry, you are angry because of what you felt within an issue. See the difference? Identify with the smaller issues, and resolve them as they appear, thus nothing is left to boil and join forces, to create anger.
     
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