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Deleted member 541
@SheilaKathy The first time you say NO, you might want to apologize right away, but don't... it gets easier after the first time. You could just say, STOP when they start and then walk away. You have to start somewhere!!!!!
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SheilaKathy, I can relate so much to your thoughts on not being able to fight back. And that could be what @Friday is picking up on. And perhaps what is being read as 'proud of hurting the kid' is more about you being proud of yourself for being able to do something to protect yourself. Boy oh boy do I know that feeling.You could just say, STOP when they start and then walk away.
OK, so I cannot tell you to stop saying anything you said here, because it is all true, and I agree with it. Yes, it is a shame that the real bully, I believe, sent one of his minions to bully me that day in front of my house. I have come to this conclusion while participating in this thread, but never realized it before. Of course the real bully would never have had the guts to come onto my property, in front of my home, and bully me. He bullied the poor fellow who ended up doing it into doing it, I am pretty sure. They were probably all watching from a window in the house 2 doors down, where the ring-leader's best friend lived. And they probably talked the weakest of them into doing this to me, just for "fun." The same kind of "fun" they had perpetrated on me all year.SheilaKathy, I can relate so much to your thoughts on not being able to fight back. And that could be...
I hope you know that this was something that you were taught. It is not an inherent flaw within you. I have been through it (and in it and around it). It is sticky and messy but I hope you can see your way through it in such a way that it does not define you.I can't even bring myself to TRY IT!
Pretty sure you could find something of mine on the board that you could disagree with! Doesn't need to be a quote from here. So if you want to play with that, seriously do it. I'm all yours.OK, so I cannot tell you to stop saying anything you said here, because it is all true, and I agree with it.
Now is not a repeat of then. Now is simply now. It's hard because what's happening now is pushing all sorts of buttons with associations and negative core beliefs.And NOW, in my life, 50 years later, I have been experiencing something similar. And I am a very troubled soul right now. And I am sick physically and mentally over what happened then and what is happening NOW. And I feel HELPLESS. AND I HURT.
Don't let it ruin your life.It is ruining my life and I don't know what to DO about it.