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How do you help someone that is determined to die?

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Iyllsa

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A friend of mine has expressed determination about suicide recently. She's attempted many times before and this time she feels that it is the best decision for her. Her life is really difficult due to her health and people not willing to accommodate her disabilities (work, friends, etc.) and medications has not been able to help with her depression. I don't know on how I can best support her because saying things like, "it gets better," is just bullshit when you've been going through difficult times for 20+ years. I don't want to lie and say bs things that we both know are false, but I don't want to somehow encourage her either. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm not the best person for her because I feel suicidal myself.

I notified her girlfriend who then told the mother, but the girlfriend got pretty upset toward my friend which I think supports my friend's opinion and decision to end it since "no one likes her" and that she's "a nuisance for everyone."
 
If you believe she is serious call 911 and have her taken in. It's not necessarily the best solution but it may be the only one available at this time. She will probably be pissed at you, but she will be alive and pissed. Hospital may or may not be able to help her...But you will know you tried to help the best way you could.
 
It's hard to determine how to stop suicidal thoughts. You mentioned that she has suicidal tendencies due to health related issues. Can you elaborate on the health problems she suffers from and why others would see it as a nuisssnce?
 
This might not be popular, but I, personally, think there's a time when dying really IS the best option. It's not something you should do because you're depressed. But, I can see situations where your situation is intolerable and has no prospect for improving, where you really and truly have no reason to live, where death is the right choice.

So I guess I might flip the question around and ask your friend what she sees as reasons for living.
 
I think that if a person is determined to commit suicide, then nothing you can say or do will stop them. Personally, if I knew someone that wanted to do it, I wouldn’t interfere, because I know the pain that I have suffered with PTSD throughout my life. I’ve attempted many times. Even though I’m not depressed right now, I have no actual desires for live or death. I’m just here, and tomorrow it could be death. Either way, it would be ok for me....
 
This might not be popular, but I, personally, think there's a time when dying really IS the best option...

That is the point both my friend and I have reached. Her health is chronic and won't improve any time soon. She has DID and Schizophrenia which is hard for her to manage as well as depression that has not been responsive to therapy and medication.

She believes that dying would be a blessing and is the right decision for her, and when she described everything and her situation, as well as combining my knowledge of her situation, I can't blame her. I don't want to encourage her, but I told her that I would be there for her until the final decision whatever that may be.

We both agree that the hospital would not only not help her, but would end up sending a hefty bill that would just depress her more.
 
Is this the same friend that you've posted about a number of times already?

(I'm guessing so.)

I'm just going to be blunt and say this is an incredibly unhealthy relationship.

You're caught up in a dysfunctional relationship with someone who most likely isn't going to change. Having said that, she is only going to bring you down.

You will continue to have these struggles until you take the brave move of breaking free from her.

I think the two of you are codependent perhaps? Feeding off of each other's issues but not really moving forward with healing.

I realize you get some kind of support from this person but it really isn't a healthy relationship. I urge you to seek out healthy relationships. (I don't believe you can truly heal when you have unhealthy close relationships in your life.)
 
Would a change of environment do anything, for however long, however slight?

Wondering if this isn't the toxic environment getting her down than 'unchangeable disabilities'.
And is there any way to reframe self concept, step by step? Seeing herself as someone who's able to deal with and live through much, with difficulties others don't face, instead of a failure.

D.I.D.'s as far as I know quite treatable with validating personhood/figuring out memories and experiences and where they clash, honoring diversity, improving cooperation and co-consciousness, depression is another bag of issues altogether and I don't know enough of how schizophrenia would factor, but I've known a few schizo & D.I.D. comorbid people who *led* a happy life, so it's *possible*.
 
Would a change of environment do anything, for however long, however slight?

Wondering if this isn't the...

She's got a good handle on DID except for one person who is very violent and so she needs someone around at all times when she goes out just in case he becomes present.

I believe it's her schizophrenia and her situation that bothers her the most. She does speak with doctors for both physical and mental health.
 
Heavy sigh...ok. Now I'm rethinking my earlier post.

My brother has skitzo affective and major depression. I have sat in too many emergency rooms to count with him over the years while he's been homicidal and suicidal.

It finally took me going to a counselor to accept that he probably will kill himself eventually and the best I can hope for is that he doesn't take anyone with him

@Iyllsa if I'm reading this thread correctly you have two people in your life that are like this. It might be time to talk to your T about boundaries. I can't tell you how hard it was to set them with him and he does not forgive me for getting distance. But I realized a couple things. One - I was using his issues to ignore my own (didn't know I had ptsd back then). Two - he will make his decision with or without me.I

I'm still there if he needs decisive help ...like a ride to the hospital. But he isn't allowed to call me and put me in the position of talking him down or to try to get me to agree he should pull the trigger. There are professionals he can contact for that.

Has it been Hard? Yes.
Heartbreaking? Yes.
Critical to MY sanity recovery? YES!!!!!!

Just something to ponder....
 
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