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How Does Writing Help You?

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Chava

MyPTSD Pro
Obviously our option on a web forum is to write out our stuff. I know many people have trauma diaries (I don't, for my own reasons) and assume those are very helpful. Many of us can write and clarify things for ourselves and weave insight or tips from others into our growing understanding.

Personally, I "speak" better in writing. Face-to-face I rarely make sense, unless I'm teaching or presenting info (so not about me and not much about social relationships). I connect poorly in many cases, don't make good eye contact, and waiver between not talking or sort of rambling in a disconnected way (okay, I can ramble when I write too). Of course I'm working on the social connection part...but getting emotional support from others or talking about this stuff is way, way, way down that list. It helps a lot to write and have all those other threats or fears of rejection eliminated as I sort out my very fragmented or fuzzy sense of self, because I feel like I can say what I need to in a way that increases my understanding of my reality.

Also, the physical act of writing seems to help me self-organize, whether using pencil or typing. It involves different senses and feels more tangible. It's always been this way for me. My house was very uncommunicative but I had this whole inner world that could partly be realized in writing. Isolative, yes, but better than non-existent.

I seem to process writing more deeply (whether my own writing or reading other people's stuff). So it's a helpful tool and way to connect. It has its limits of course, but also benefits. I also like writing and responding to others because it helps me feel less isolated with my stuff and possibly helpful to others. Also distracts me from being way stuck in my own stuff. It's challenging for me to be empathetic in much of my regular life only because I don't let people get close enough. AA is helpful. But for keeping that part of myself alive while I work on the face-to-face connections and speaking, writing as a way of thinking/processing and communicating with others through writing is very helpful. In some ways I'll admit it's a substitute for ways I can't otherwise connect, but writing is also (and will likely always be) a very distinct way of processing. It helps me very much to see words. Stuff like that.
 
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A huge difference, for me, is something that my T pointed out. Writing gives me the chance to think before I react. I have a tendency to perceive situations as "emergencies" whether they are or not. (What else is an amygdala for, after all!) Then, in the moment, I have a tendency to respond with the first thing that occurs to me. In physical situations? Not so bad. I pretty much know, by instinct, when to duck, when to swing, and when to run. (He tells me that he has some clients he worries about that way, but that he doesn't worry about ME that way.) In more complicated situations, I tend to miss the nuances. If I take the time to write, maybe it uses a different part of my brain, or lets me slow down enough to run things by some other part of my brain. I still tend to miss a lot of nuance that other people seem to get pretty easy, but I'm WAY more likely to come up with a higher quality response if I take the time to write.
 
I too 'speak' better in writing. I started writing in my early teens and it became something I depended on to get stuff 'out' of me. When I was a teen I even imagined myself a pen friend so it was almost like I was telling a real person, something I was incapable of in real life. It helps me access stuff in my head that I'm not even aware of. Often, when something has been bothering me that I can't quite work out I will sit down and start to write and the thing will appear before me. When I don't write I can actual feel a build up of pressure inside me and I get bad tempered and difficult.

I always write up my T sessions. It helps me process them and moves them into a different part of my head.

I'm working on accessing my feelings at the moment. I still find it incredibly hard, but writing helps there too.

Sometimes I dissociate when I write. That stuff surprises me as I access thoughts I'm not even aware of. Sometimes it can be really scary. Years ago I tried my hand at freewriting and what came out then was pure self-hate from a part of me I didn't know existed at the time. I never tried that again!

I also come across as a completely different person in writing. I'm very good at writing snarky letters and making people do stuff when I'm sufficiently annoyed. I just wish I could do that in person!
 
I think you've both hit it right on the head. Writing gives you the chance to go over what you want to communicate several times over a lengthy period. That way what you end up saying isn't tied to one particular mood of any particular moment, which is a good thing because how I feel about things often changes over time. Writing it gives me a chance to come to a decision about how I feel that is free of the mood-of-the-moment.
 
Okay, I might not get into responding to everyone here but just let people share. But it's hard not to relate and see even more connections. So just a bit, then I better do regular things like clean the floors.

If I take the time to write, maybe it uses a different part of my brain, or lets me slow down enough to run things by some other part of my brain.

This is probably really true, especially thinking of some of the brain scan stuff I've seen related to trauma (or anything really, like language). When in a purely social context, I probably have a lot more disorganization going on that dampens whatever could light up in the areas of organized communication. But also, I think with writing offering more sensory stuff that makes sense me (seeing, moving my hands), more clutter is also being filtered. Ditto the idea of response. I tend to under-react in social situations and go for the total avoidance, but I know even in writing I've sometimes had to go back and pull out some inflammatory responses filtered. I am a junky for revising too.

Writing it gives me a chance to come to a decision about how I feel that is free of the mood-of-the-moment.

Yes, feels much more reflective and thoughtful. It has helped to post sometimes when I'm NOT in that space and be able to recognize it (like I'm posting as if I'm trapped and dying, but I'm typing, you know?). Doesn't mean I find my way out right away, but the act of writing and how it nudges different kinds of thought seems to help.

It helps me access stuff in my head that I'm not even aware of.

I do that too. It's weird. You'd think you need to have it organized in your head before writing, but that's not how it is for me. It's sort of a feedback process thing. I have some shred of an insight or puzzle and I can't think my way out of it, but putting words down and together seems to pull things together. Writing has been sort of my "adult" function that way. It's like it's a step ahead of me...a bit ahead of the patterns I'm actually stuck in sometimes, if that makes any sense. It takes what is totally jumbled and disorganized and somewhat helps organize or lay it out at least.
 
I write in a collegiate style. Not so good at pulling together my emotions and reflecting on them. It's still about avoidance with me. No wanting my brain to go there.

When I was in High School, I was a prolific writer. I wrote short stories, poems, songs and kept a journal. I carried my writings with me everywhere because I didn't want to lose them or be judged. My asshole father took it away and destroyed it. And he was a professional writer so of course I took his alcoholic rant personally. I'm sure he read it but not ever speaking of it again I took as a condemnation of my writing. What a prick.

When I write, I have a reader in mind. Usually my therapist. I am the person that writes in my head before it gets written down. So it usually comes out looking like a juvenile school report. My main block in writing is my inability to name feelings or emotions so there's not any reflective content. Just a cub reporter rendering of a topic.
 
I take in more visually than I do through hearing, so in that sense, yes, it is helpful for me to see things in writing. I am a VERY visual learner....I zone out 5 minutes into lectures at school (but I'm ok for the hands on "doing" labs).

I am also a very verbose person (much of the time) and when I am comfortable around someone, I can talk their ear off. (I don't like to talk about mindless things though, so that may indeed be a downfall in that chitter chatter drives me nuts!) When I can't express myself verbally (and thus can't be "heard") I get extremely frustrated.

I like to post, but I don't keep a true "trauma diary" here on the forum. Well, I think I started out with one, but now its just a place where I can get things out and vent. I have requested no replies in my diary as venting needs to end with that post and I don't like for things to drag out.

When I do have "diaries", they are actual books with lots of pictures and little writing. I express myself best that way as it is a way I can get things out without feeding into my obsessions. Its easier to feed into my obsessions and ruminations in writing. With pictures, it takes so much longer to design a page that the obsessive part never has a chance to get going.
 
Mirror writing is something I've rediscovered. Normal writing, to me, does not flow so easily when it comes to emotions, like the connection is hampered, I've got to think harder, and don't quite get out what I'm feeling, and often, more than often, nothing comes.

Today, for the first time in years, I've been able to get so much out, the words, the feelings are just flowing...it feels so good! Like I've unlocked a part of my brain....many aha! moments as I read back. My mind feels free as it unloads, there's no hinderence as I disconnect from what is around me and go into, what feels like, a different part of my brain.

I'm actually really excited at the thought of the what this can do to help me, regarding the past...and help me put things to rest that lay deep.
 
I sometimes realize things for the first time when I am writing. I'm not sure why or how this happens, it just does. Words flow out of me when I write that never seem to do that the same way when I speak to others. Also, sometimes memories will surface that otherwise I believe never would have. One realization will follow another and before I know it, I uncover things that I have not recalled before. I'm not sure why or how this is, it just simply is.
 
This post is making me happy @Chava ! I totally relate to much of what's being said here. It's nice to not feel so abnormal. Especially about this:

It helps me access stuff in my head that I'm not even aware of.

I have some shred of an insight or puzzle and I can't think my way out of it, but putting words down and together seems to pull things together

I sometimes realize things for the first time when I am writing.

I experience this all-of-the-time. It's almost like the part of me that speaks and the part of me that writes live completely separate lives. The me who talks to you isn't aware of half the things in my mind. I can't access those things until I start putting the words into writing. That's a really shitty description, but it's the best I'm coming up with right now.

I'm about to start a diary, like this minute. Not on this site, I can't bring myself to do that right now, but in a notebook. I'm procrastinating right now. I guess I'll go get to it.
 
Writing helps me more than anything else. Writing here helps me release emotions, concerns, etc. and makes me feel connected when I am feeling isolated. The way writing helps me most is when I write a letter to express something to a person and actually send or share it. For some reason when I do that I can suddenly have the ability write an extremely articulate letter that expresses everything I want to say. I feel so much better like a weight has lifted every time. Sometimes I am able to communicate feelings and thoughts I never even knew I had. When I'm not able to have a therapy session that will do it for me.
 
I think better with my fingers.

I don't think in words. I think in pictures. The act of writing forces me to translate pictures in my mind, to concepts on a page.

If I'm extremely comfortable with a topic? I am very succinct. If I'm still working through it? Oy. Hence my novel length posts. (Scarily, I erase more than I post, unless I'm half asleep). I can't even read some of the things I post! I needed to write them, but aim incapable of reading them :P Ideally, I catch those and delete them before sending. The picture in my mind may actually be very concise, but describing it? Ugh.

But whether the picture in my mind is clear, sharp, and concise... Or amorphous and intangible and darnit! Stay still! Drats. Lost it.... I still have to translate it. What I'm actually going to type? I usually have no idea until words are on page. Happens verbally, too. I often have as little idea as to what I'm going to say next as the person listening to me.

((I've had people keep me around because "Of the words that just fall out of your mouth!" Yikes. Filter, filter, filter. Crap. Forgot to filter.))

Writing, the act of translating thought to word... Focuses me, teaches me, allows me to learn. To know my own mind, instead of just my own heart.

"We are a way, for the cosmos to know itself." -Sagan
 
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