I am just wondering if anyone else experienced this. When my PTSD was dx 4 years ago, i was in really bad shape, vomiting, shaking so bad i could not hold a pen, vomiting and just feeling almost paranoid about everyone and everything. I guess being a nurse, i expected more from myself. I thought i was going to have my therapy and then I would be "cured" I now know differently and now have had to accept that i will never be that strong, confident person again? I know that I have come a long way and my symptoms are better but they still affect me everyday. I get a little nervous or in a panick type of position and i shake. Well.....let me give you this needle or start this IV. I used to work on an active surgical floor and then i taight and then started supervising, so I was in a high stress environment all of the time and then I just lost it. What i am wondering if this is how it will always be. My symptoms are manageable right now but I am NOT working and even though i was supposed to go back to work and then hurt my back i wonder what would have happened if in fact i would have returned last year. I still get too anxious, have little self confidence (more than i had before anyway) still have migraines and IBS is crazy sometimes and I have insomnia like crazy. So.........does this mean this is as good as it is ever going to get. i think right now i am dealing with losing me. It is almost like going through a grieving process for the person i used to be and i just wonder. Is this the way it will be for the rest of my life. Managed, not cured...........hhhmmmmmmm. i am just confused today and really missing the person I used to be. I had so much potential and now it seems like i don't know what to so. i have only ever been a nurse and have grown up helping people and being at the hospital a lot as a visitor, patient and nurse. I guess i am just sad today because i really want my pre-PTSD days back..realistically, that is not going to happen but working through this is very hard! Just my little vent for today. i was just wondering if anyone experiences these thoughts or feelings too.