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Poll How Long Do Shut Outs Last?

How long did the shut out last? (Choose up to two answers)

  • 1 - 60 minutes

    Votes: 2 4.3%
  • 1 - 3 hours

    Votes: 4 8.5%
  • 3 - 24 hours

    Votes: 2 4.3%
  • 1 - 7 days

    Votes: 6 12.8%
  • 7 - 30 days

    Votes: 7 14.9%
  • 1 - 6 months

    Votes: 8 17.0%
  • More than 6 months

    Votes: 11 23.4%
  • Unable to generalize most common length of shut outs

    Votes: 20 42.6%
  • Other (please explain)

    Votes: 5 10.6%

  • Total voters
    47
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@glass half full - This poll is for both supporters and sufferers. I'm really glad for what you posted. I don't think you are alone in what you are feeling and thinking or your struggle to get through the pain of being on the supporter side of a shut out. I hope it's not this poll itself that gave you the impression that most sufferers take an "oh well attitude" - that wasn't my goal at all.

This is an important topic for people to talk about. I often see that supporters and sufferers talk last each other a bit. Every situation is different and generalizations about shut outs are hard to make, except perhaps one: they hurt on both sides in the vast majority of cases and even in the healthiest of relationships.

This thread is about the poll, and the poll came about out of supporters and sufferers trying to find ways to understand each other better. I think your posts and @Sweetpea76 , @lostforgottensoul, and @EveHarrington's posts have helped further the discussion in a really good way.

I invite even heated discussions on this - as long as there is respect and folks stay in the rules. Everyone has done that very well on this thread so far. Sometimes the heated discussions are what make people think the most deeply.

You have helped me think more deeply about how supporters themsleves can be validated, heard, and well, supported, during shut outs and other tough spots that come up in relationship with PTSD sufferers.

Thanks for the good feedback on this topic!
 
And indeed, this dynamic played out in the thread that prompted this poll, correct?
You hit the nail on the head. :)

Let's see if we can keep talking to each other and not have that dynamic happen again here, and not start shutting down to each other on his very thread. (It is an ironic dynamic people start shutting out other viewpoints when talking about shut outs.) I'm also not pointing out anyone specific, except myself for any places where I have done this. (Which may be more often than I can recognize right now.)

You are right that most sufferers have been around the block with PTSD relationships many times, and I'm painfully aware that sometimes supporters don't get heard out or valued enough for their experience and input. The supporter in their 1st or 14th PTSD relationship usually has some really valid and important input too. Maybe they don't know all the ins and outs of PTSD relationships, but they bring something to the discussion that someone with PTSD generally can't bring to it. Those of us with PTSD don't know what it's like to have never had it, and to try to understand from the outside. They are not the sufferer, but are their own person with their own role with a very important perspective on what it's like to support their sufferer.

Good discussion.
 
I didn't intend to start such a heated discussion, nor cause offense. My apologies if I did.

It seems to be a heated topic. I dont think you started anything. And though i dont think you are alone at all in your feelings, also please understand that most of us "get" that the supporter is hurting too thus why we tend to isolate, or at least i do, because yes isolating will hurt, they wont hurt over any of my other issues. Its also why you have those that leave think "you are better off without them", suicidal for the same reason.

Theres pain on both sides but we know the pain you feel because of us.
 
@glass half full - This poll is for both supporters and sufferers. I'm really gla...
I should clarify- the "oh well" statement that I made above, was rhetorical- it was not a reference to any specific slight I thought someone had made. I've shed a few tears this afternoon that I really needed to let out and has cleared my head.

This has been a very interesting and enlightening conversation. Maybe stepping a beehive sometimes yields honey? (smile)
 
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It seems to be a heated topic. I dont think you started anything. And though i dont think y...
With all due respect- you really can't know the,pain someone else feels. You may think you do, or you may assume you do, but you can't know how someone else feels. I'd also respectfully suggest that its not necessarily true- from the perspective of the supporter- that knowing or dealing with your other issues will hurt more than isolation. It may be true that isolation will hurt YOU less than explaining or sharing your other issues- that's a very different thing. And, yes I know I may well be stronger than some you have known, but the bottom line is- if you are protecting yourself from more pain- please say so rather than saying your are protecting another. This is a critical difference I want my sufferer to be aware of.
 
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Just an aside, not to derail anything further...

Maybe another section should be added where supporters can vent about our hurts and frustrations?

There is a whole supporter section with multiple subcategories that are meant to help and support us when we're not get much support ourselves. Sometimes we get advice we don't want to hear though. That's ok... Just take what you will and leave the rest. The big difference is, supporter threads are going to be about helping YOU and what YOU need to hear, not your sufferer.

It needs to be OK for us to say: that son of a bitch is still blowing me off today.

It is totally ok to vent... We vent all the time. We even have a specific thread for letting it out. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-angry-thread.31209/
 
@glass half full again, i am speaking from my experience and my perspective that all i have to go on and when my ENTIRE FAMILY leaves because im "too much" then it dampers things a bit.

Yes id rather be gone off the planet than to deal with what i do and yes i do think that my family would grieve and get over it...or go to some place and not tell anyone i am because good god, not talking to them must hurt less than what they say that my issues cause...so please forgive my view.

With all due respect- you really can't know the,pain someone else feels.

Except, they make sure that i know...daily.

Look, i can only speak from my view, its all i have as all you have is your view. Do you know what I went through watching my entire family walk out of my life one by one? Do you know how devistating that is? Because i cant get better over night.

We all are entitled to our opinions and Ive said it in every reply; this is my opinion from my experience.
 
@glass half full again, i am speaking from my experience and my[...
I apologize if it seemed I disrespected your experience and views. It appears that I misused what you said as a starting point. Again, I apologize.

What I was trying to say is that supporters are as individual as sufferers. Some if us can handle more than others. Similarly, that I can understand that a sufferer will want to prevent additional pain for him or herself by not divulging more details to their supporter. What I was trying to say is that it should be absolutely OK to say that you can't go there rather than saying that not going there,is to spare the supporter. .

I support a vet. I am probably an outlier in my personal experience- I've seen crime photos, autopsy photos, police reports, etc. I do not want him to believe he needs to spare me gory details when in fact he needs to spare himself. I want him to be able to acknowledge that his motive is to spare himself.
 
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@glass half full

I think it would be good for you to take a break. It seems in my perspective that you're taking a lot of what has been said personally when it's not meant that way.

In my perception @lostforgottensoul has been more than fair in this entire thread but you are being nit picky about how she phrases things and such.

And I'm asking you to not make an entire post BOLD because it has the same effect as yelling IME. It's clear that things are escalating for you because you're now bolding entire posts so that people will understand you?

(I can't personally handle font that throws stuff in my face like that as it feels like a written type of screaming.)

-----one bold word on the other hand is said for emphasis.
 
@glass half full

I think it would be good for you to take a break. It seems...


I agree that Lostfogottensoul has been extremely generous. I also explained that it appears that I misused his content. This was not my intent. I meant only as a starting point. As for the bold- I did not use a bold font. I have no idea why my comment appears in bold. I'm on my phone- there is no bold option on the keypad.
 
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