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How Many Times Does The Camel Have To Have It's Back Broken?

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SeanCharles

MyPTSD Pro
Today felt like Friday the 13th on Monday given today is my Friday since I am off tommorrow. Tomorrow I am going to see what I can do for employment closer to home! I was very close to crying because of how I was treated today! :(

Synopsis:

The camel (me) has reached the limit with the company that calls me an employee! My boss treated me like I didn't know what was expected of me when they (a women) told me to put the chairs down first, which is the seating area for patrons located above the food prep/kitchen.

I did so, without incident and carried out the rest of the expectations, which was to wipe off the tables, which I did slightly selective since there were some tables which had not been done before the chairs were put up at closing.

Then my boss summoned me and wanted me to put some freeze/chill freight away that we received today, She proceeded to question me on doing that task as if I didn't know, the last freight in, goes out first, I've been doing this job for several years, having been with the company on the whole nine years.

Upon doing a trash run, after being told not to do one thing, which I was okay with that since I was not successful with that anyway, I jumped on register which I am trained to do, she knows this, then she told me she'd takeover. At that point, I immediately decided to grab the trash cart, and grabbed the seating area trash since I had checked and found I needed to pull that since it was full. After bringing the cart back down to go do the trash/cardboard run (my final one) I happened to see the food manager and said to him, "We need to talk, I am done with the Deli Manager, using her name. He unlocked the trash compactor as I tried to explain the situation and dumped the trash. Luckily, I didn't lose control knowing I didn't show disrespect. He told me not to speak to her, which I didn't anyway given she was on her lunch, I put the cart back in the deli and then clocked off.

Edit:

I'd much prefer to have employment closer to home. This may sound like a broken record, however, I really need to get out of that place. Once again I am faced with the following:

  • According to previous communication with Social Security, I can't give two weeks and walk away, otherwise according to their rules, I am not disabled.

  • I suspect with the length of time I've managed to remain employed and the fact that I am appearing to be performing Substantial Gainful Activity which is a monthly amount, I am over because of my hourly wages which involve a union contract. One factor is that the company is trying to cut hours. At times, I am working 24 hours, They have been dropping me below this which is an issue too because of my benefits down to 15 hours. If I recall correctly, 15 hours might be below SGA, but they don't keep me at the 15 hours a week. If it were 15 hours a week for a month, I'd be over.
  • I feel like I am not entirely understood.
 
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Sean,
you poor guy, she sounds ridiculous!! Being mico managed is one of my biggest pet peeves. Give yourself a big pat on the back for keeping calm, that's a great response, good for you.

It sounds as if the company values you as an employee since you have been there for 9 years. Hopefully they will respond quickly and move you into a new area, or maybe they will see her as an issue and remove her.

Either way, keep up the control over your temper, you did a good job :)
 
Sean,
you poor guy, she sounds ridiculous!! Being mico managed is one of my biggest pet peeves. Give...

@BlueDream Thank you! :)


Unfortunately I don't see myself staying. Tomorrow I am going to my SSA office and see what I need to leave that place. Basically, one task that she asked me not to do is one that I didn't have experience doing with the particular equipment I was attempting to reload paper into. What really hurt was when she pulled me from register. It seems that she is trying to limit my interactions with customers. Because of previous trauma I am not happy with women in power over me.

I've let this go to far... The food manager did explain sometime which makes some sense, but still I am feeling like writing this job off and then I'll fight the government with hard evidence that I have disabilities. I need an income which is part of the reason I've been struggling with this. I am to the point where I am doing being an employee there.

On another note, I am a journeyman not a new hire... I felt like a child. I noticed today that my flight versus flight was to take flight, but considering I have a house, I am not putting Winnie and I out on the street!
 
I have documented today and have it ready to send to the food manager Wednesday. I was relatively detailed even disclosing a little which may or not be in my employee file along with another piece of info that he doesn't know about me, yet.
 
I have not yet contacted Social Security. I am realizing a few major and minor things that has been the constant battle in this whole mess which for my part, I am the center of. I refuse to accept all blame here as I have begun to realize that there are some factors that I am responsible for that are controllable by me through actions while there are some factors, that are out of my control and how I deal with, manage, or otherwise accept these is what is clearer now than previously realized.
 
This reply is going to attempt to lay out, explain, examine and basically be a starting this whole post over without having to re-create from the beginning.

Events leading up to my employment:

2007 I was disabled and was not receiving Disability, I was however receiving SSI and state benefits (Adult Public Assistance). I had been receiving SSI benefits since I had been declared Disabled by Social Security before the age of 22. Focusing on the year 2007, I had been working with a local non-profit agency that among other services provides services to disabled clients. I had transitioned from renter to homeowner which was largely because of Sheba. (For those who don't know who Sheba was I am posting the following photo):

Link Removed

R.I.P. Sheba

I had gotten her somewhere in 2006 from our local shelter, when the apartment decided to allow me to have a dog, despite the owners of the complex being anti dog. Upon realizing that Sheba, a border collie/blue heeler (Australian Cattle Dog) who was extremely smart for a dog, was unfortunately not suitable for apartment living. Upon realizing that keeping her in the apartment situation was not going to work long term. I had been wanting homeownership and had been aware of the state's homeownership voucher program. I had become eligible for and found the house that I now own. The move from the apartment to the house was made easier when the apartment owners after arriving in town decided they wanted me to get rid of Sheba. I had come up with a solution that not only satisfied the owners, that Sheba was out of the complex, but created a separation which would allow us to continue to see and spend time together which was a painful period when I placed her in doggie foster care temporarily.

After I had gotten the house set up (Ha! ha!) NOT in Sheba's case! for us which I soon discovered after she came home after I received a desperate call came from her foster mom. From that point on Sheba had served eight years with me as an emotional support dog until her death in December of 2014.

While I am a bit fuzzy on the how it began, I had somehow become a client of my nemesis, Vocational Rehabilitation (DVR), while I was a client of the other agency from which I was and had been receiving some support services from while I was in the apartment.

Upon learning of my homeowner status my DVR counselor, a woman, my Direct Service Provider who was also a woman and I had several meetings to get me on the path to employed status which brought in a third woman. Ironically I knew her husband as I had known him through an educational experience we shared together and my bio sister worked with him on occasion through her job.

Boy did she get a motivation going!

In late 2007, early 2008 I had attended a job fair where my current employer was doing recruiting. With assistance from one or both of the women, I completed the online application. Initially, I had decided I wanted to work in Home Electronics. This was shot down when I, without either of the two women to assist me during that interview, I was not found to be a good fit for that department because of my lack of any previous retail experience that they were looking for at the time.

I did receive another interview though with the Grocery department.
 
Looking back at the current management in the food department, I realize in 2008, I didn't know the food manager, but I did know or rather knew of his assistant manager who was a woman that worked in a grocery store in town before that store was closed. The interview went amazingly well despite I was left to my own devices where my supports were concerned as they didn't accompany me as they probably were supposed to.

In 1988, I had an awful experience doing some work at very similar, yet smaller grocery store which was on a military base here in town. Using that experience for the first time prompted an event that had left me sitting in the food loft, feeling alone and alienated because the two managers had decided to go talk to each other about me. This was the first time I had ever encountered this during an interview. Upon their return, they had made the decision to hire me, pending a drug screening which was an oral swab, and a background and verification check and also a security check. I passed those with and attended orientation which consisted of a lot of paperwork and videos and some web based learning which were done in our computer room. From there, I then did my first day.

I am going to stop here for now.
 
While I have not made a decision whether I am going to follow up on a possible job option within the same company I am currently with, There is an option I can explore that might get me out of the Deli. This would however, for what it's worth, cause me to also lose the union benefits which I currently have in place because the department is non-union. With that loss, this might be a two-edged sword.

The other question I'd have is my available hours, expectations and of course the wages and benefits. The upside, I am already cashier trained. There would be some different learning since I'd be working in the home department which has me a bit worried. I know of the managers in this department, but I don't know them well. I do know know that one of the PIC (Person In Charge) does live in neighborhood.

In many ways, I am wondering if working for someone else, chasing what was instilled in me, as a Journey of broke, a JOB, is what's right for me?

I am in ways feeling like I need to focus on me and allow me to work on controlling my out of control PTSD and whatever other coping gets me through day to day living. I find that I am letting the toxic negativity the days I am there break me, when I come home I have to fight to build me back up only to broken down again. The more I think about this, the more I am fighting the urge to :cry:
 
Ugh! The meeting I was expecting didn't happen today nor will I expect to have that soon. I did as I was half expecting to receive a chewing from my boss. She doesn't get that she invokes anger from me when she speaks to me. She even blatantly pointed out that she is the boss. I tried to clarify something and she completely skirted the question and left me alone afterwards except when she was giving me tasks she wanted me to which annoyed me to know end. One of things she does is calls everyone "beautiful" if a woman or "handsome" if a guy. This has always not and continues to not sit well with me.

Our local Social Security office closed early today and so when I arrived the security informed me of this, they did tell me that the office will be open later tomorrow. So, I will be going back tomorrow if I can't figure out what I need to online.

I am so desperate that I am considering filing a lawsuit.
 
In the absence of the women, Today was productive and was not as stressful. I suspect though that today was just a calm before the storm. In terms of Social Security, I was given two forms that I apparently missed when I completed my application, had I been days earlier then I would have prevented my case from closure due to these two documents. I plan to get this returned tomorrow. These are the medical release and the Disability Report that I've filled out previously in the process of filing. While the status of this job situation is at the moment a problem, I am hoping that with this case, I can get a decision that if I need too will be appealed. At least this a baby step forward! :D
 
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