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How much interaction is required to be "normal"?

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watundah

MyPTSD Pro
I know that is kind of a silly question as the answer is different for everyone and not necessarily quantifiable.
I used to have a lot of social phobia which I have made a lot of strides toward overcoming and I don't really consider it an issue any more.
I am married so I don't spend all of my time alone.
But I really like to be alone when I am alone.
Sometimes if my spouse travels, eventually, I can get lonely. Cats can be shitty listeners.
I do have a couple of close friends I can contact to do something, but not a lot of friends. Also, I will do things by myself because the options are often, 1) go by yourself or 2) don't go.
I go to yoga a couple of times a week, a drumming class once a week, have a personal trainer once a week, so I'm not isolating. But then, I will tell myself I am going to go someplace new or try something new, and then, say, Meeeehhhh, no, I think I'd rather stay home tonight. Every time I push myself to go, I am happy that I did, but it is oh, so easy and too frequent that I just bail and read a book or watch TV. So I'm not sure where one draws the line. I am an introvert so I don't mind being alone, but I do need more friends and can't meet people if I keep bailing! How do you push yourself to do things that you know are a good idea when you feel like wimping out and staying home? And how often is a day(s) of complete solitude OK and when is it a problem? I think many of us are content to stay home for days and talk to no one.
 
I live alone, so I spend a lot of time alone. On the other hand, I do have a small volunteer position and work about 15 hours per week, so that gets me out of the house and socializing a bit every weekday for about 3 hours, as the place I work is a social club for senior citizens. That being said, I do feel it is important to get out on the weekends at least once a day if I can manage it. So I will walk to the store or something on Saturday and go to church on Sunday. That usually covers it for me. Also, my boyfriend likes to come and visit on Saturday afternoons usually, so that helps too.

On holidays he and I go out to eat. We love pizza, so we usually get that on holidays as a treat and spend 2-3 hours at the pizzeria enjoying the company of others that are there having pizza too.

Sometimes I will purposefully spend a day alone at home, if I am feeling as if life has been too much for me. Today kind of started out like that, but it later turned into a usual Saturday for me. I do my chores on Saturdays too, you know, laundry, cleaning the pet's cage, taking out the garbage, etc. I do all that stuff alone.

I love to read sometimes and I crochet, so I of course do those things alone too. I hope this gives you some kind of perspective.
 
Idk, I'm a boring guy. I enjoy my time. Sure some days suck but for the most part I do what I want to do when I want to do it.
Seems the only friends I make are all smoking pot or drinking and partying. I went through a few years of that myself and honestly every morning I woke up after I hated myself for it. I enjoy sobriety and being boring. If I want to I go for a cruise, a walk w/e. I visit family etc.
Work out at the gym alone. I am a loner and I am content with that. In fact for me denying my self this minor form of solitude if you will is torture lol. Every time I bring new people along they seem to bring bad influence. I'm like a magnet for addicts. Never the heavy stuff but, you know just addictive personalities. I won't even touch a cup of soda these days. All it takes is one drink and I'm on a Dr. Pepper binge again lmao.
 
It's a balancing act for me. Constantly having to try and assess my function and levels of distress.

I need to spend a fair bit of time alone to manage. But too much and I slide too far back and before long it becomes really hard to get outside without a panic attack.

A lot of the balance comes from finding routine ways to get myself out. When I engage with people it works better for me if I make it routine, rather than doing things spontaneously. I also make a point of not beating myself up if I need to cancel on people every now and again.

But I have to keep checking in with myself, yeah? Like, being honest with myself about whether I'm cancelling an outing because today it's not going to work, or if it's becoming a pattern again. When I'm starting to see a pattern emerge, it becomes a matter of getting out as a form of medication- don't want to, probably not going to be easy or even enjoyable. But if I don't get out regularly, it quickly becomes too hard to get out.

There doesn't seem to be any magical point. I think maybe you just get better at self-assessing and using things like your T or key support people to give you feedback and help with the insight.

Not sure if that made sense. I'm slipping back towards dangerous levels of isolation at the moment, which I'm trying to stop before it gets out of hand. There wasn't any lightbulb moment for me, wish there was because that would make it a lot easier to know when intervention is necessary!
 
I'm not sure how much is required, but I'm pretty sure I exceeded that amount in my past life, yet I'm certain I'll never again reach the maximum amount. Homey can't hang with what most folks I know enjoy doing in their spare time, especially the ones closest to me, lol, so I tend to spend more time just doing my own thing, with an open invitation for folks to join me in my arenas sometime, if they wish. Not many do. Precious and few.

I no longer consume meat, dairy, eggs, gluten, caffeine, alcohol or artificial stuffs, so going out to grab a bite to eat becomes pretty limited, although I have scoped out a few places I can comfortably visit and enjoy some of their offerings...artificial smells of any kind set my head/nose/throat on fire for days.....and it's damn near impossible to avoid that in any arena....and crowds don't thrill me in the least like they used to when I'd drink/smoke/otherwise medicate myself into a party animal mood, be it formally or casually, with the exception of a few local small scale festival scenes and certain workshop arenas, like for vegan oriented stuff (once a damn year...lol), gardening stuff, healing oriented stuff, etc. I interact with a small circle of friends randomly and help care for their kids and pets on occasion, visit drum circles together, share a meal once in a while, lend a helpful hand where needed/wanted, etc.

I tend to be more of a loner who'll engage damn near anyone wherever I may roam, if it feels right. Or not. Just depends on the day. Most of my daily interactions are with my feathered friends and other wild buddies that come out of the forest every once in a while, and online, with the exception of the hubby, who amazingly enough still hangs in here with me. I sometimes question if I'm alone too much, then I look around me and remember I'm anything but. I think I have to have that much time to myself to finally be able to healthily tap into all that is me, if that makes sense. Grateful for the solitude.
 
Not trying to be rude.... I never knew that interaction with others is required to make a person “normal”. When did being a loner make a person not normal? Who set the requirements that in order to be normal, that there must be a set amount of time and interaction with others to be considered normal.

Being a loner might be considered reclusive, and to some it may seem weird or strange, but I don’t think it’s considered abnormal in a huge way. I am a housekeeper, and if people are home, I interact with them. I speak to people sometimes in a store or on the street. But I prefer to be alone...

I used to be an extrovert, but I was also undiagnosed out of control PTSD. Went through therapy and slowly became more comfortable within my own skin and surroundings that I didn’t need to be out of control to feel in control.
 
I think it's less what's normal and more what feels right and fulfilling to you. Are you getting your social and other needs met as far as fun, support, conversation, etc. Everyone has different needs and levels of interaction. Are you satisfied with your life for the most part? Then you're fine. If there are different needs that aren't being met you may need to adjust accordingly, but it's about what's right for you, not some external idea of normal. Just make sure your decision is based on your true needs/wnts for interaction and not on fear/avoidance of interaction.
 
So there's normal range, for sure. And there are duplicate realities with very different perceptions. For example someone who is shut-in at home and doesn't speak to anyone for months isn't considered normal, but someone doing a solo-sail across an ocean for months not speaking to anyone is considered an adventurer. Both aren't normal, but one is praised whilst the other is seen as needing therapy. (Of course, which is which, is arguable ;)).

I think what you're doing, by defining what you want your normal to be? And working towards that? Is on the money.

I think the bottom line really is choice. Regardless of what you want your normal to be? That you do in fact want it. It's not forced upon you, but an active an engaged decision. There's a palpable difference between being alone out of desire, or fear, or circumstances beyond your control. Ditto the reverse.
 
Thanks for your replies. @She Cat , not rude at all, but to @Friday 's point, yeah, if you are intentionally removing yourself from interaction, not normal, and yeah, I guess it does come down to whether you're happy with your own version of reality.

What it boils down to for me is wanting more real connection with more than two or three people yet when faced with opportunities to put myself out among the living, I often tell myself I'm going then when the day arrives, I talk myself out of it. This is my own self sabotage and we all, as humans, do it to some extent. Herein lies my challenge. I think setting up a goal to do one new thing a week gives me something to strive for and isn't too much of a stretch. And I'm always so pleased when I actually do it, even if I have yet to meet a new friend.

There's also something so damn comfy about staying in with the cats and a book...seasonal changes don't help!
 
I fail to see how removing yourself from society = your own version of reality. Being free from outside opinions and parroting mobile news stations seems like a clear* reality to me, honestly. Devoid of insight. Devoid of who they actually are. Acting to fit in or to present themselves in a certain way. Competing with flashy cars. To me that's not normal that's programmed normal. Just because every bodies doing it doesn't make it right. Removing yourself from the bs = reality. All that other stuff, is just ego.

And people who judge you for it are just mad they can't be your friend lol. It's like am I supposed to be like everyone else? Then who am I really? A mother flippin mirror image of the next guy. Really the only time I hear anything about being a loner is on this forum. An each time I gotta remind myself to quit feeling sorry for myself and be who I am regardless. That is strength.
 
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I believe we are on this planet to love and connect. That's what takes strengrh - trust and vulnerability. Too bad it's so freaking difficult for many of us. Hiding is easy.

My .02. To each, his/her own.
 
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